I was a student at Texas A&M University in College Station when the George Bush Presidential Library opened less than a mile from my apartment. My roommates and I were excited — not because of Bush, who we all disliked intensely, but because of the three class days that got canceled while the Secret Service secured the largest college campus in the country. A friend who wrote for the school newspaper got in trouble for claiming that Barbara Bush would be opening a nearby restaurant called "Kampus Knish Korner," a joke that seemed cruel at the time, but given Barbara's recent comments about hurricane victims, now seems eerily prescient. The McDonald's by the new library put up a sign that said "Welcome, Mr. President! No Broccoli Here!" My friends and I groaned and went home and watched the ceremonies on TV while drinking heavily.
Daddy Bush was a terrible president, but still something less than the disaster that his son has become. Which is why I was shocked to read that at least seven different venues are jumping at the chance to host the George W. Bush Presidential Library (the very idea of which will provide late-night talk show hosts with jokes for years and years to come). Among the candidates is, of course, Texas A&M. If you're familiar with the school, this won't be a surprise — when I was president of Aggie Democrats (motto: "We do too exist!"), I personally witnessed the president of a conservative student group tear up his NRA card because they were too liberal. I am dead serious. Luckily for conservatives in Aggieland, The Bryan-College Station Eagle reports that the Aggies are amenable to Bush's request that his library complex include an IMAX theater and a restaurant.
But A&M will have to contend with schools including Southern Methodist University in Dallas, the University of Texas at Dallas, and the University of Texas at Austin, the state's most liberal school in its most liberal city. (Austin American-Statesman columnist John Kelso is nonplussed by the idea, suggesting that the president instead build a "George W. Bush Presidential Game Room and Big Screen TV" or a "George W. Bush Frat House Museum.") Baylor University in Waco, seeking to shed their image as the lovable (or not) losers of the Big 12, wants in on the action, and bad. Baylor has most recently distinguished itself by banning Starbucks cups featuring a quote by gay author Armistead Maupin, a move that probably earned them a place on the shortlist.
You might be wondering what would possibly go into a George W. Bush library. The copy of I Am Charlotte Simmons that he probably never finished? The Complete Idiot's Guide to Ruining a Country? A dozen old bongwater-stained copies of Oui? The mind boggles. Wherever it ends up, the Democrats on these campuses should start stocking up on beer and bourbon now. You're going to need it. Trust me.