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Michael Seitzman Headshot

Embrace Your Inner Elitist

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He eats arugula. He looks great in a suit. He's not a good bowler. He asked for orange juice instead of coffee in that diner. He is educated, well-read, articulates himself brilliantly and doesn't lose his temper. What an arrogant prick this guy is.

If you're rejecting Obama because he's "an elitist," then I'd like to ask you to turn in your passport and leave the country immediately. The smart people would like it back.

If after seven years of the schmuck you want to have a beer with you've found yourself longing for the good old todays, you're just a retard. You heard me. Send me all the angry notes you want because you've had seven years of that neighborly fella who pretends to clear brush on his "ranch," seven years of that regular guy who praises the Pope by saying (and I'm not making this up), "Awesome speech, Your Holiness," seven years of that down-to-earth C-student who doesn't read the paper or use words with more than two syllables, and seven years of the kind of macho swagger that should be reserved for old John Wayne movies and the occasional aging porn star, and you still want more of that everyman horseshit. If that's true then you deserve everything you get. The problem is that the rest of us don't.

If after seven years of joining the rest of the world in ridiculing your own president (the one who promised to bring integrity back to the White House) and living with the results of regular guyness -- a swirling toilet of an economy and a war without end -- you still reject a candidate because he did well on his SAT score, you've just plain overstayed your welcome. Please. I beg you. Move to a country where mediocrity is applauded. Like Texas.