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Michael Seitzman

Michael Seitzman

Posted: August 26, 2008 04:19 PM

PUMAs Give Cougars a Bad Name


Have you heard about a nutter named Chrissie Atkins? She's one of those scorned loons that call themselves "PUMAs." PUMA, for the blissfully uninitiated stands for -- and I'm not making this up -- "Party Unity My Ass." Chris Matthews took on this Chrissie Atkins sack-of-dung yesterday in the crowd outside the convention center when she claimed to have a 17-page report from a congressional investigator that says that Barack Obama "went to a madrasa" and is a "registered Muslim."

I'm not even sure what part of that is my favorite. The 17-page report? Wow, 17 pages. Single spaced? Somebody's been burning the midnight oil. No, maybe my favorite part is the "congressional investigator." When Matthews pressed this crooked tooth trashbag for a name, she said she wouldn't tell him. When he asked again she said he should have his ears cleaned out so he could hear her better -- "I'm not telling you!" She huffed this out while panting and seething as if she just caught her husband in bed with her sister (or his sister). Of course when Matthews pressed her again she finally said that the author of the report was a "former congressional investigator," though she still wouldn't or couldn't furnish a name.

Actually, the part that made me laugh out loud ("lol" for you stay-at-home Pumas) was the "registered muslim." After the laughter died down, I found myself thinking about how organized these Muslims are. Not like us Jews. I couldn't get registered if I had a Torah around my neck. Then I tried to picture the registration office -- the DMV -- the Department of Muslim Verification, I would imagine.

Obviously Obama is not a Muslim. But even if he was...am I the only one deeply uncomfortable with the fact that the word "Muslim" has become synonymous with "monster" among the PUMA set and so many others? Yes, radical Muslims who fly planes into buildings are monsters of the most heinous variety. That's a given. But were the Japanese-Americans who were thrown in American internment camps and stripped of their U.S. citizenship the same as the Japanese pilots who flew their planes into the ships at Pearl Harbor?

I wonder what the PUMAs would have said about Senator Daniel Inouye, winner of the Bronze Star, the Purple Heart and the Medal of Honor for his heroism in WWII? Would they have praised him as a war hero? Or would they have gone on national television and claimed to have a 17-page report, written by an un-nameable and alleged former congressional investigator, proving that Senator Inouye is a registered Jap?

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