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The Left Has Hotter Cheerleaders

01/18/2007 04:04 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Forget Bin Laden, the real bastards responsible for 9/11 are none other than Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter. That's what Dinesh D'Souza asserts in his absurd Op-Ed piece in today's LA Times. It's like this guy got a blowjob from Ann Coulter and got a nasty case of moron-o-rhea (then again, who hasn't?). D'Souza's big platform is that the "cultural left" made us vulnerable and weak and are solely responsible for the Arab world's hatred of the west.

Psst - Sorry to interupt, but I think I might be a part of the cultural left. So, I apologize for being responsible for....um....Dinesh's book sales.

Dinesh laughs at the, "Pundits on the left [who] say that 9/11 was the result of a 'blowback' of resistance from the Islamic world against U.S. foreign policy."

Psst - me again. I'm not exactly sure why he puts "blowback" in quotes. I don't know any self-respecting Cultural Left Member who would ever use the word "blowback," but that's probably a nit.

Dinesh then goes on to tell us how preposterous the idea is that U.S. support of Israel might have pissed anyone off. He says the mitigating factor with regard to the whole America-Israel thing is the obvious gratitude the Arab world has toward us, due to the fact that "the U.S. has frequently fought on the side of the Muslims." Yes, I remember now, that's what Bin Laden said when he sent those dickless murderers off to do his dirty work. "Have fun flying, fellas, and don't forget to thank the innocent people you're killing for having fought alongside our Muslim brothers!"

Psst - Sorry to interrupt again, but I thought I'd tell you that I'm also a Jew, which probably explains why I do support Israel (and I don't care who it might piss off). Oh, wait, I almost forgot, that my support of Israel actually has nothing to do with me being a Jew. I actually support Israel because it's the only true democracy in a region of dictatorships. And I'm an American. I think we're supposed to support democracies, right? Isn't that the whole reason for the war in Iraq? Democracy? And, of course, by "reason," I mean, the reason after the first and second reason turned out to be...um....the utter stupidity and reckless arrogance of the cultural RIGHT. But don't tell anyone that because then Dinesh might have to change the title of his book and they've already been printed and shipped and, well, you know how that goes.

Dinesh blabbers on that it was Carter's support of the Shah that caused 9/11. No, wait, that's not exactly true. He switches mid-paragraph and says it was actually Carter's withdrawal of support of the Shah that caused....no wait, he changes again, it was Carter allowing the Ayatollah Khomeini to take power that caused 9/11.......wait, wait, wait, now he thinks it was Clinton....

Nowhere in Dinesh's invective does he mention U.S. troops in Saudi Arabia, which I could swear I heard somewhere....wait, who was it who said that...I can't seem to remember....oh, yeah, it was Osama Bin Laden! At that party. You know, the party with the guys in the robes and the masks and the guns. It was something about infidels on the holy land...or something like that....right?

Psst - Not incidentally, I know for a fact that the Cultural Left hated the idea of troops in Saudi Arabia. I know because I was at the meeting. Dinesh doesn't want us to tell you those troops were put there by a Republican, because...you know....books to sell, baby.

I'm going to stop myself right there. See, he sucked me in. I'm keeping score, just like assholes like Dinesh D'Souza do. They did the wrong thing there, we did the wrong thing here, they did the wrong thing over there....blah blah blah. How about we stop that? How about we stop listing the things the other guy did wrong and blaming each other for the "failure of imagination" that Thomas Friedman pointed out so eloquently. Let's all agree that a lot of mistakes have been made. Everybody has done something wrong. Maybe it's time to do something right for a change.

Psst - of course, by "right" I mean "correct."