Some Sympathy for Ted Haggard

I just watched the HBO documentary film, The Trials of Ted Haggard, produced by Alexandra Pelosi (which the media seem curiously intent on identifying not as a filmmaker but as the daughter of Nancy Pelosi, the Speaker of the House). The film is a follow-up to her 2007 film Friends of God, in which Haggard was prominently featured just before his downfall from revelations that he had homosexual relations with a male prostitute, with whom he also did methamphetamine. And all this happened right in the middle of the political debate about gay marriage, in which Haggard condemned homosexuality as an abomination and gay marriage as a sin that should never be legalized.

Now, I enjoy roasting a hypocrite as much as the next person, and I sat down to watch Pelosi's film sharpening my typing fingers in preparation for slicing this evangelical hypocrite to pieces, especially after just watching him on Larry King Live, in which he failed to apologize to gays for condemning the very "lifestyle choice" he also presumably made. (In his Christian worldview homosexuality is a choice--a bad choice, a sinful choice, but a choice nonetheless). But I came away feeling some compassion for Ted Haggard, sympathy for the devil as it were. I don't know if Pelosi intended her film to have this effect--I suspect not from her off-camera comments in the film as she follows the fallen preacher around Phoenix selling insurance door-to-door and bumming rooms off friends at which his family can live. But given what we know about the power of belief, and the fact that this man devoted his entire life and essence to being an Evangelical Christian and all that stands for--which is a lot when you are the titular head of the 30 million-strong National Association of Evangelicals--what a striking conflict his life has been (and by all accounts still is).

By now, most of us know that homosexuality is not a "choice," any more than heterosexuality is a choice. Asking a gay person "When did you choose to become gay?" makes about as much sense as asking a straight person "When did you choose to become straight?" The answer is the same: "Uh? I didn't choose. I've always felt this way." Right, and all the evidence from biology, psychology, and behavior genetics (twin studies) points to the fact that most people are born straight, some people are born gay, and some are even born bisexual, and that's just the way it is. In a large population (and six billion members of a large mammalian species certainly counts) with considerable variation in most characteristics, it is inevitable that even something as seemingly straightforward (if you'll pardon the pun) as sexuality will likely show variations on that central theme.

To find peace and happiness in life you have to be true to yourself, and herein lies Pastor Ted's conflict: Being true to himself meant being in absolute conflict with his religion, which was, at the time, not just his faith but his livelihood and the only means he had of supporting his family. As Upton Sinclair observed: "It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his job depends on not understanding it."

The only resolution for Haggard was to live a secret life, and when that secret was revealed there was no way for him to peacefully resolve his conflict. And from what was shown in the film and in his public interviews of late, that conflict is still not resolved for the simple reason that if you are gay or bi you cannot simply choose to feel differently, even if you are given such bizarre diagnoses as these suggested by his Christian counselors: "heterosexual with homosexual attachments" and "heterosexual with complications." Haggard's response was refreshingly honest: "I wasn't sure what that meant."

Me neither Ted, because it's a bullshit diagnosis by people who don't understand the psychology of sexuality because their religion is driving the science, and that's a recipe for quackery. Yes, you can choose (or at least try to choose) not to act on your feelings (don't go to gay bars, don't watch gay porn, etc.), but short of a Clockwork Orange scenario of extreme behavior modification protocols (and even this is unlikely to do the trick), Ted Haggard cannot and never will be able to square the circle of his sexual essence with his religion. Something has to go, and that something is his religion, or at least his religion's attitudes about homosexuality.

Christianity needs to change its beliefs about homosexuality and to quit condemning those--even those in its own flock--to a life of guilt, self-loathing, and conflict. Not only does Ted Haggard need to publicly apologize to the gay and lesbian community for condemning them, his Colorado Springs New Life Church--and Christianity in general--needs to apologize to Ted Haggard for ruining his life, not only by exiling him from his home, community and friends, but by forcing him to live a lie. The data are in: homosexuality is not a choice. Christianity needs to follow the data instead of forcing the data to fit its religious dogmas.

In the film you can hear the guilt in Ted Haggard's voice and see the self-loathing in his face. Ted Haggard is a broken man, broken not by his biology but by his religion. You cannot "fix" people's biology, but you can change their religion, and it's time for Ted Haggard to give up on his religion--and perhaps religion altogether. Short of that, perhaps one of the most charismatic religious movers and shakers of our time can change his religion from within by standing up to his fellow Evangelical leaders and saying to them (and to everyone else) something like this:

"Ladies and gentlemen, I was wrong. When I preached that homosexuality is a sin, I was wrong. When I proclaimed from the pulpit that being gay is an abomination, I was wrong. When I dissembled and pronounced that I 'hate the sin but lover the sinner', I was wrong. I say this not because I was a hypocrite in denouncing the acts that I myself was committing, but because our beliefs about and actions toward homosexuals is un-Christian. I make no excuses for my actions or pronouncements, but I will remind you that I was mirroring what was taught to me by my Evangelical mentors, whose beliefs about gays led them to comb the scriptures for passages that best suit their prejudices--much like the slave-owning Christians of centuries past justified with holy writ their abominable beliefs and actions toward their fellow humans by treating them as chattel. My mentors were wrong. My teachers were wrong. The church is wrong and I am wrong. Homosexuality is no more a choice than heterosexuality is a choice. People are born with their sexuality, and so to condemn a person to a life of guilt and shame over something they have no control, is to do violence to the very nature of human nature and to contradict truth and deny reality. So, in the words of the great Anglican defender of the faith and champion of religious tolerance, Oliver Cromwell: 'I beseech you, in the bowels of Christ, think it possible you may be mistaken.'"

Michael Shermer is the publisher of Skeptic magazine (www.skeptic.com), a monthly columnist for Scientific American, an adjunct professor at Claremont Graduate University, and the author of Why People Believe Weird Things and The Mind of the Market.

 

Follow Michael Shermer on Twitter: www.twitter.com/michaelshermer

Comments

[retrorio]

"Heterosexual with homosexual attachments" makes Ted sound like some sort of human vacuum. Why can't he just say bisexual? There is a Kinsey scale, after all.

[PatA]

Every time I hear about Ted Haggard, I can't help but think of this face.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W6rSjrBhUIA

That says it all for me. He is in denial and so is his wife. Long, long therapy might help them.

[channelerchik]

Ted, if you're reading this I want you to know that there is someone out here that feels the pain of what you're going through and is not judging you. You've been given a long and challenging journey. I think it will help you to turn away from religion with all its rules and regulations, and instead find god within yourself. The people you were dealing with may never need to reach for a higher truth. You've literally gone into a different dimension from the one you were formerly part of. Make the most of it. Fitting into societal norms, ie, wealth and prestige, are not the only way to live. I say sell your house and go live in India and spend your days in meditation.

[PatA]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W6rSjrBhUIA

[Nikola Tesla]

See Rev. Dr. Amos Brown, Baptist minister and MLK Jr. protege, address this issue @
http://www.trifecta.tv/prop8/pod_casts/Rev.%20Amos%20Brown-iPhone.mov

[RaderBarbarian]

Sorry, but this is one homosexual who does not want Ted Haggard to be one of us. I offer him no compassion, no understanding, no sympathy. I offer him nothing but total contempt. Ted Haggard and his ridiculous "life" is worthless. He is not worth enough to tie my shoelaces (lick my boots?), and I refuse to share the joy of being gay with such a contemptible person. Sure, it is understandable WHY he is contemptible, but that in no way changes the reality that Ted Haggard is less a human being than a piece of garbage. If it is all the fault of his religion, then he should take up the hobby of burning down churches and sending them hate mail. After that, well, maybe we might reconsider letting him claim his natural place in the spectrum of human sexuality along with the rest of us.

[Nikola Tesla]

Its time to show the barbarians that we are BETTER than them. What better way to prove this than to bring the abused Haggard family into the healing arms of the gay community?

[TimDanMick]

Michael, the man is a hypocrite hoist by his own petard. The symmetry is beautiful.

[BigBagel]

I watched both this film and Alexandra Pelosi's previous film. The films are devastating portrayals of Haggard and the Christian right. I also think the film shows a lot about Pelosi and that portrayal is also unflattering. She was mocking and elitist in her attitude.

[Grada3784]

Oliver Cromwell tolerant? Don't say that to Irish Catholics.

BTW, he wasn't Anglican. He was a Puritan.

[SethBLiNK]

Okay, I'm going to say something and I'm ready for the hate I'm going to get for it.

I don't think Ted Haggard is a hypocrite. Quite the opposite. He was a hypocrite when his homosexuality was a secret and he condemned the lifestyle and lived a lie.

But now it seems he has come to know who he is. And while it would better for everybody (especially himself) if his self realization led him to better love and understand others like him. Instead, it hasn't budged his beliefs and only causes him to hate himself.

He isn't a hypocrite. He truly believes homosexuality is wrong even though he understands that he is homosexual. I can't imagine a sadder existance.

[kaukerc]

Feeling no hate here. I think you are correct... he truly believes he deserves all the crap that is falling his way because of his sexual desires. Like I said in my comment, he needs to find a REAL therapist. Not a church appointed inquisitor.

[truthglow]

Isn't he still lying? Why would anyone feel compassion for a blatant liar? Beats me!

[karinova]

I saw the documentary, and yeah, I feel some pity for Haggard.
It's hard to watch somebody live out of a U-Haul van.

But frankly, I fight the compassion. He's barely halfway to deserving it.
The problem with Haggard is that as far as he's concerned, it's all about him. He seems to spare not a thought for the 30 million congregants-- a population that surely contains millions of gay people-- he spouted this evangelical stuff to. Never once did he refer to the fact that the very same torment he went through at New Life, he was himself perpetrating on millions of people.

[larmarch5]

Haggard is very self-centered. How disturbing to hear about the young man who came to Haggard for help with his own faith/biological conflicts and how Haggard took advantage of him. Then Haggard's church tried to pay off the young man to cover up a larger problem. I wonder how much money Haggard will make off the docudrama.

[Nikola Tesla]

The young man knew VERY well what he was up to. What, you never heard of gay-dar?

[kaukerc]

I think this is probably the most perfect post regarding Ted Haggard to date. The only thing I disagree with is your recommendation that Ted Haggard should give up on religion altogether. I say this not because I am religious (which I most definitely am not), but because I think it is the only glue holding this man together. He knows nothing else; and, unlike what I thought earlier, he truly believes this stuff. So, asking him to give up that one thing that so clearly defines who he believes himself to be would be like asking him to deny his sexual desires. His belief system is so intertwined into his being, more so than he has permitted his sexuality to be, that he would rather see himself as a "struggling" sinner than either a gay or bisexual man...And I am not totally unconvinced that this rehabilitation junket he is on is all about trying to work his way back into the church. I pity Ted Haggard...and he needs to find himself a real therapist.

[JBCinSD]

I, too, watched the Pelosi documentary as well as Haggard on Oprah (and a little of Larry King). He ALMOST gets it - that his homosexual tendencies are part of who he is, etc. But I kept waiting for someone to ask and for him to say that homosexuality is not a choice - and he didn't. He said it was something to be "worked through", we are all sinners, etc.

Haggard could do the world much more good than he ever did in his megachurch by telling evangelical Christians that homosexuality and bisexuality are not choices, that God created some people (including him) that way and that Jesus loves and accepts all of us just the way God made us. To lead his followers away from the division and hatred and prejudice and judgment that evangelical Christianity has become would truly be following the spirit of Jesus.

[ckfan]

Great post.

[kylennblack]

Excellent post. I read Shermer every month in Scientific American and his Skeptic column is one of my favorite regular features of the magazine.

Haggard will get sympathy from me only if he makes a statement similar to the hypothetical one above. He has demonized homosexuals for years and has aggressively encouraged his followers to do the same; he has a lot to make up for.