05/19/2005 10:38 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

American Standard

When I first read the Newsweek blurb that said our interrogators were threatening the flushing of the Koran as a means of getting information out of bad guys at Gitmo Bay, it didn’t even register. It was that tame, at least to me. After all, what we’re talking about here is the use of non-physical means to extract information from suspected al Qaeda members in the context of a war – on terror.

Now that 17 people are dead over events sparked by Newsweek’s initial report, some Americans are embarrassed about the prospect of using such interrogation techniques. They must not be watching the same television that I see.

Those depicted on my set are willing to work themselves into a lather - while burning our flag - over reports of the American Standardizing of the Koran, and look about one small step removed from the terrorists who cut off Nick Berg’s head or flew airplanes into the Twin Towers. These enemies of the United States are lunatics, and the depravity of radical Islam knows no bounds.

If the toilet act doesn’t work, let’s try a menstruating American GI, riding a pig, if available.