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Elephants Hit the Bricks

03/11/2015 10:42 am ET | Updated May 11, 2015

"Ringling Bros. Eliminating Iconic Elephant Acts From Performances"
-- Associated Press

"How can I help you?"

"I'm an elephant."

"I can see that."

"I just got notice I'll be out of work."

"What do you for a living?"

"Walk around in a circle. Sometimes I carry a pretty girl on my back."

"There's not a lot of call for that these days."

"Tell me about it."

"So what are you thinking about?"

"I don't know. My memory's pretty good."

"Elephant never forgets?"

"So they say."

"Can you memorize a page from the phone book? That kind of thing?"

"Not really."

"Hm. Where do you work now?"

"Circus."

"I hear there's a lot of mistreatment of animals."

"It's not so bad. Some of that is overstated."

"You have a good attitude."

"I have a thick skin."

"So what else can you do?"

"Political symbolism. You know, the Republican Party. I could do events."

"I don't think they want actual elephants. They just like pictures."

"Really?"

"Elephants are, you know, messy. No offense."

"It's fine. I was thinking about job retraining. You guys do that, right?"

"Yes, but it's not exactly targeted at elephants. What were you thinking of?"

"Tiger act?"

"What, like wear a tiger skin? You're too big."

"People'll notice?"

"Probably."

"Yeah, you're right. Kids' parties?"

"You'll never get insurance."

"Too bad - I have really nice headgear. Kids love it."

"What else do you do?"

"I can do impressions. Wanna see my Babar?"

"It really sounds like you don't want to stop working."

"They bought a big ranch for us down in Florida, but I'm not exactly interested in 18 holes and the early bird dinner."

"So what happened?"

"People marching, people complaining. Our owner had no choice."

"A political correctness kind of thing?"

"They never asked our opinion. Everybody who knows elephants knows we were fine. We traveled. We saw the world. We entertained. If we needed protection, we would have asked for it."

"They're not going to ask elephants for their opinions."

"I don't see why not. People just assume we're not happy. They don't even take the time to get to know us."

"I wish I could help you."

"You listened. That's something. It just doesn't seem right that other people get to decide things that should be between me and my employer."

"I hate to say this, but my next appointment's waiting for me."

"More layoffs? Because of political correctness?"

"It's a circus out there."