What's your idea of "perfect"? Do you even subscribe to the idea that people or the lives they lead can be perfect?
Come to find out, I fit into someone's idea of the perfect life.
It's a natural, human instinct to look and compare. It's part of how we process information. We tend to judge people almost immediately upon seeing them.
As women, we do tend to look at other women and sometimes assume their lives are better than ours -- often based on superficial elements.
It usually goes something like, "If I had her body I'd be wearing skin-tight clothes all the time." Or, "Her hair is always perfect, I wish I could have hair like that."
It may seem trite, but women comparing themselves to each other is as common as peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Now, if you do happen to like yourself just the way you are -- kudos! Unfortunately, this is not the case for everyone.
So here's what happened to me. A woman I'm acquainted with recently said to me, "Oh, I can't wear cute stuff like you do. You've probably been skinny your whole life. You, skinny people, don't know what it's like to struggle with weight. It's hard for women like me."
The assumption had clearly been made that because I was a few dress sizes smaller, I had never dealt with weight issues or ever felt bad about my body. That assumption was a mistake. I've battled with weight and insecurity my whole life -- like so many other women do.
Ironically, I'm a size 10, which by today's beauty industry standards isn't even considered "skinny" at all. I used to be a lot heavier and several sizes bigger. Then I decided I could probably be more healthy -- so I started making changes. I started walking and running. I did sit-ups and Pilates. I was consistent.
Over time, I lost weight. It took about two years of hard work. My current size is where I'm personally comfortable and I exercise to maintain it.
Getting up at the crack of dawn to get a workout in is my choice but it's not something that comes easily. Time is tight. I take pockets of it where I can get it.
I've spoken to women who judge and criticize other women who try to take charge of their bodies through fitness or diets. Many of these women are incredibly insecure about their own bodies yet choose to do nothing about it.
My response to that is if you don't like something about your body you should try your best to fix it yourself before condemning others who do take action. It won't happen overnight. Nothing that's worth it ever does.
It wasn't just my body that I got an opinion about on this day. Another statement that came out was, "You have the perfect life, a great husband, kids, and a house -- you don't have to worry about anything."
I admit, life is good -- right now. This was not always so. As you may read in my other blogs, it took me a long time to get to a settled, satisfied place in my life -- especially relationship-wise.
Though my husband and I have a lovely relationship and work together raising two children, it doesn't mean that meeting him fixed all my problems. I did the work on myself before I met my husband. Our relationship has brought countless challenges and obstacles. It wasn't a fairy tale.
As many of us know, being part of a functioning couple takes an alarming amount of patience and compromise. Being a mom takes endless energy. Being a stepmom is just as -- if not more -- challenging. All in all, the choice to have a family is an immense responsibility.
And the house? Yes, at 35, I bought my first home. I had a pretty good job at the time and excellent credit. But the house and the good credit didn't just materialize out of thin air. It took time and effort.
Having a house certainly doesn't guarantee happiness. That foundation you have to build for yourself.
So for the woman who thinks I'm perfect because I'm a smaller size, have a life partner, and live in a nice house, I say you need to reassess your vision of perfect.
There is the life you have and the life you make.
You'll have opportunities and you'll have failures. You'll have luck and you'll have tragedies. Your life can be something more than it is right now and everything can be taken away at any given moment without warning.
I have empathy for you if you don't like your life, your body, or your choices. I've been there. That's why I won't feel guilty or apologize in any way for finally being proud of mine.
Commit to using what you have to create a life that you feel good waking up to each morning. No one can do that for you.
My biggest ally in recent years has been gratitude. This gets me up every single day with at least one positive thought in my head.
We rarely see what goes on behind the scenes of someone's life. We usually don't see the sweat, tears, and sacrifices people make to get to the place where we view them as "having it all."
So to the woman who thinks I'm perfect, I will say -- finally -- that things are not always as they seem, but what you do see is the result of much more than you think.
More from Michelle: What My Husband Has Taught Me About Domestic Violence
Originally a Vancouver Island native, Michelle now resides in California where she is an ex-corporate slave, writer, artist, mother, stepmother, & wife. Join Michelle as she explores society, parenting, step-parenting, health, beauty, relationships & much more. Catch more at The Pondering Nook.