THE BLOG
08/28/2014 03:17 pm ET Updated Oct 28, 2014

33 Things I Learned From Being Married Three Times

Tricia Shay Photography via Getty Images

My husband and I had our 17th wedding anniversary this year and I am thrilled that this marriage did not tank like the first two did. I don't know if I got better at marriage or just tired.

I have learned a few things from my multiple marriages and now I would like to impart this wisdom to you. Someone should benefit from my failures.

1. Some people will judge you if you have been married multiple times.
2. F*ck those people.
3. Not literally.
4. Unless you really want to. It's not my business.
5. Ending a marriage does not mean all your problems will disappear. The only problem that will be solved is being in a bad marriage.
6. You will probably lose some friends.
7. Two failed marriages does not have to mean you're bad at marriage.
8. Ending a relationship, even shitty ones, is painful.
9. You don't have to explain to anyone why you feel bad about leaving a situation that you hated.
10. People will talk about your failed marriages behind your back.
11. Their opinions are not your business.
12. Staying in a bad marriage because you don't want to look like a failure is kind of dumb.
13. By "kind of" I mean "extremely."
14. Your kids will be fine. Just love them and be there for them. They want you to be happy.
15. Being financially dependent on another person is an uncomfortable place to be if you have a rocky marriage.
16. Even a good marriage is not hearts and flowers and baby angels riding on unicorns every day.
17. Some days the heart stops beating, the flowers die, the baby angels grow fangs and the unicorn kicks you.
18. It's OK to have days like that.
19. It's not OK to have years like that.
20. You don't have to be miserable all the time.
21. You deserve to be accepted for who you are.
22. Maybe in some cases, opposites do attract... but having common interests goes a long way toward a happy marriage.
23. Trust is king.
24. Knowing your spouse always has your back is royalty as well.
25. Laughing at shit that doesn't matter eliminates at least half the fights.
26. Fighting fair is important. No using insecurities against each other. No pitting the kids against each other.
27. If you're being mean about something (and we all know when we're being mean), then own up to it and say you're sorry.
28. Don't keep score. There's no prize for that, other than resentment and heartache.
29. Recognize when you have to be the strong one and give your spouse a chance to wallow if they need it.
30. Don't always try to be the strong one.
31. Respect each other's boundaries.
32. Don't get your panties wadded up over stupid sh*t. Accept that there will always be differences and learn to work around them.
33. Stop touching the thermostat, it's perfect where it is.

So there you have it. Thirty-three things I learned from being a serial marrier.

I have spent a lot of time being embarrassed by my Junior Elizabeth Taylor status, but I have decided to give that up. I am where I am. I get to claim my past without excuses or explanations. I'm of the opinion that if you want to judge a person's life... perhaps you should open up all your closet doors as well.

It's only fair.

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