As a mom and wife who works full-time, it sometimes feels like I am forever serving others. On days when this feeling overtakes me, I too engage in a little "lazy parenting," where my kids spend significantly more time on their iPads or in front of the television than I would normally deem appropriate. I am sure all parents have days like these! However, I'd like to address how lazy parenting can stretch far beyond these occasional moments of exhaustion in a way that negatively impedes on others. I am not speaking of the kind mentioned above, where the so called parent lazes around while the kids happily play on their devices. What I am hoping to call out is those parents that are not making a conscious effort to take the time to parent their children.
The definition of mother is to give birth to (a child) : to be or act as a mother to (someone) : to care for or protect (someone) like a mother. The definition of father is more vague, defined as a male parent. In the 21st century these roles, for many families, have become one in the same, with fathers having become much more involved in child-rearing. The family unit has evolved and in some cases there are now two moms or two dads. And yet in some families a parent rears solo. Whatever the scenario, the basic idea is to care for them. And the hope is that we achieve this by teaching them to be kind and helpful and instill morals and values in them. By doing this we help guide them on how to be mindful individuals and prepare them to serve as positive contributors in society.
This is what you would imagine people have in mind when they decide to take the journey into parenthood. However, many parents often fall short and become far too distracted with their own needs and desires. This results in children receiving little guidance on how to behave and be respectful of others.
I often witness kids getting away with being unkind and disrespectful, as their parents stand nearby. This covers everything from how a child treats an adult or another child in a given situation or how a child's behavior in a public place impacts others. It falls on us, the parents, to seize the moment and address the given behavior when it happens. Sadly, it's not so unusual to see just the opposite. I notice children in restaurants running around or speaking loudly when complete strangers are within ear shot. Where are the parents and why are they completely disengaged you ask? They are consumed in their own pleasures of eating, texting, or conversing with other adults while their kid's behavior encroaches on others enjoyment. Another scenario -- a child mistreats or upsets another child and the parent present completely dismisses the situation because they don't feel like dealing with it. Yet another example would be in times where a child is being wasteful or being disrespectful to the environment they are in.
There are countless scenarios where effective and involved parenting would produce a far better outcome. Parents who constantly let things slide are negatively impacting others through their children's behavior. In addition, they are doing their children a huge injustice by ignoring these teachable moments. The long term impact will most likely result in these children contributing to the ever growing obnoxious and narcissistic population.
It starts with the parents and the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Look around, how many times do you experience someone walking while totally engrossed in their smart phone, causing your life to be infringed upon? Or someone is on a call nearby, speaking loudly, while you're trying to read or concentrate on something? The instances are plentiful, proving the basic message to be clear, by teaching our children to be mindful we will help create a more mindful and respectful world.
So what exactly has happened to cause this lack of awareness. Years ago, "children were seen and not heard". Children did chores and spoke in a more polite manner. There was something called etiquette, which now seems to be a distant memory. Today's less involved parents may be victims of modern times, where too many distractions compete for our attention. How many likes on our Facebook post? Gotta look! How many emails am I behind on? Gotta check! What's Khloe Kardashian going to do? Gotta watch!
Indeed, the acceptance of adolescent behavior in adults may have started with the proliferation of reality TV 15 plus years ago, where adult responsibility and pride has been replaced with shameless, fame seeking individuals. Scarily, in recent years, it has extended beyond TV and has slowly crept into politics where it seems nothing at all is shocking. Clearly, if the latest polls are an indicator, a large chunk of the country is totally ok with this type of behavior.
It's no surprise that parenting and discipline is now something looked at so casually by parents.
Now, I am not saying the past is where we should be looking to for a solution. For example, the evolution of children having an opinion and being included in more mature discussions can prove beneficial. These conversations serve as teaching moments too. However, many adults have gone off the rails and it's time to consider injecting some old school rules like "think before you act!" back into society. Our children our watching us! It's our responsibility to put down our screens or pause the conversation so that we can focus on our kids when they are behaving and when they are misbehaving. Parenting by acting mindful and being present allows for a more peaceful world for parents, children and non-parents alike! We need to lead by example, it starts with us.