8 Ways To Help Your Partner Become A Better Lover

05/28/2015 07:21 am ET | Updated May 28, 2016

We've all been there. Sex with a mate that is boring or, even worse, plain bad. Perfunctory foreplay, a hand or tongue that never seems to find the right place or the right rhythm, the thrust that starts too soon or is over too fast.

But we also know that sex can be tricky to talk about, even with a trusted partner. So here is the MiddleSexy Guide to Making Your Partner a Better Lover. Think of it as a translation service: it takes the thoughts in your head during bad sex and turns them into polite suggestions you can actually say out loud.

What you are really thinking: "Owww. You aren't polishing tarnished silver here. Take it easy before I am completely desensitized."
Say this instead: "I'm feeling extra sensitive today. A little less pressure would be great."

What you are really thinking: "My clitoris has more than one spot you know."
Say this instead: "That feels good, and it would feel even better if you moved your fingers around a bit."

What you are really thinking: "This guy is hopeless. He couldn't find my magic button with a miner's helmet and a map."
Say this instead: "Let me have your hand, it feels great when you touch me right there."

What you are really thinking: "These are nipples, not dials. Stop twisting them incessantly."
Say this instead: "I really love it when you rub my breasts all over."

What you are really thinking: "Why don't you ever go down on me? Are you lazy or just uninspired?"
Say this instead: "Want to try a 69? We can go down on each other at the same time."

What you are really thinking: "That's your idea of foreplay?"
Say this instead: "I'm not quite ready yet. Can we play around a little more?"

What you are really thinking: "Are you a jackrabbit?"
Say this instead: "Let's slow down a little and build up to a fast finish."

What you are really thinking: "Omigod, are you really rolling over? I'm not even close to coming."
Say this instead: "Hey, I haven't finished yet. Would love your hands/mouth/both on me."

Don't let bad sex put you out of the mood. Our Guide to Making Your Partner a Better Lover won't remake everyone as Casanova, but it should help you turn even the most clueless lover into a more satisfactory bedmate.

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