THE BLOG

Revitalize Your Relationship Wardrobe -- Please!

03/18/2010 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Everybody has heard of people gaining weight when they find love. Two sexy singles meet at a dinner party, they flirt and and exchange numbers. They go out on a few dates - a dinner here, drinks and appetizers there. Pretty soon they're dating regularly -- then they're dating exclusively.

Eventually they start saying "I love you," and they become so comfortable with each other that they start farting and peeing with the door open. This, apparently, is when the weight gain starts to take form. Eating and drinking together becomes a ritual. Why go to the gym when I can cuddle with my boo while watching Drew Barrymore movies and eating takeout? You both feel loved for who you are - no need to hit the bars and impress rando's anymore. Damn, these pants are a little tighter than they used to be, but she probably won't notice, and even if she does, she loves me so no big whoop. Love love love, nest nest nest, grow grow grow (fatter - I'm not talking about intimacy).

This, believe it or not, is not the biggest relationship concern in my book (though it is more than slightly off-putting). Let's not forget what kind of blog this is! My biggest concern in regards to relationship "nesting" is when the effort that goes into putting together an outfit begins to dissipate. Sunday morning I went to Trader Joe's to stock up on some staples, when I noticed that not only was everybody around me in a couple, but they were all in - dun dun duuuuuuun - SWEATPANTS.

Now, sweatpants don't offend me in general - but it was something about these couples that said to me, "Thank God we're in a relationship, now we never have to look decent in public again!" I know Sundays are relax-day, and the grocery store is no runway, but something about the comfortability level of these couples in these sweatpants made me think this wasn't just a Sunday morning offense.

Most people in couples have the same excuse for dressing like a college student as they do for getting fat - my boy/girlfriend loves me for who I am, I have nobody to impress, I get laid on a regular basis regardless.

Well guess what KFed? Ever think that maybe dressing up and looking nice for yourself has its advantages? For you intellectuals out there, I equate it to reading things on your own once you've graduated school. You don't have to, no. But it exercises the muscle, it keeps you growing and culturally relevant as an individual in the world, and it gives you a leg up in case you ever want to go back to school (wait, have I lost the metaphor?). Anyway, the farther and longer you let yourself fall, the harder it is to regain your footing. So for those of you who care, here are a few ways to get back into the game:

1. Always dress like you might run into somebody you know. If you live in NYC, you probably will, and if you're dressed like a wifed-up schmuck and your acquaintance looks like a swinging cosmopolitan, you will feel lame. Ditch the sweater with the holes (unless they're sexy hobo-chic holes) and spring for the green one that brings out your eyes. You'll appreciate your choice when Ms. Cosmopolitan is looking deep into them and regretting dumping you in the 8th grade.

2. Why are you waiting for an occasion to wear that AMAZING item? Not to be totally morbid but you could die next week never having gotten the chance to wear it! OK, that was totally morbid. But seriously - those dangerously high heels can be worn to work, that silk tie can be taken to brunch. Why wait to feel special? Make an ordinary day an extraordinary one.

3. Dress up with people besides your significant other. Dressing well makes you walk differently. A good outfit can make you laugh more, make you feel more confident or efficient or attractive. Not because the person who loves you is giving you compliments, but because you know you look effing good! Walk down the street alone or drink a soy latte alone or go shopping alone - in your great outfit - and ride the wave of freshness. You owe it to yourself - and believe me, it can only do good things to your relationship.

I hope I've encouraged you to reconsider your relationship wardrobe rut. If you're one of the lucky few who has a partner who inspires your outfits to be bolder and sexier and more creative (or, for that matter, one that encourages you to go to the gym) - consider yourself lucky. And I hope you'll do your part to motivate the coupled masses to stay out of sweatpants and flipflops in public places. For the rest of you sad saps (yeah I said it, calm down!) it's time to be proactive and re-discover your wardrobe (or your credit card limit). I wish you all the best in this effort to reclaim your ferociousness.

Happy Shopping.