When I speak to young women about life lessons and TV career choices, I try to check off the basics of the business for them.
First, you have to love what you do.
Second, you have to be willing to start at the bottom and linger there until your moment arrives.
Third, you have to know when your moment has not yet arrived, even when others tell you it has.
Fourth, you have to be fearless and force yourself to get outside of your comfort zone.
Fifth, you must know how to make the most out of all your talents. That means if you're brilliant, lead with your brains. If you're savvy, go with your gut. And if you are luckier than me and are born beautiful, at least make sure you wash your hair regularly and wear a clean blouse.
Sixth, you have to learn how to face rejection (again and again) and learn more from those failures than your successes.
Seven, you have to perform under extreme conditions--long, crazy hours.
Of course all of this advice is not as radical as it would have seemed a generation ago. Most young women expect to have a career and plan to go the extra mile.
But what I find always gets bulging eyes and double takes is when I say something like this as my closer.
"Ladies, one more thing: and perhaps the most important thing I will say here today. If you plan to have a family, please .. PUH-leeease, do NOT forget to get married and have kids. And start now. Even in your 20's!
"Huh? Did she just say that? Doesn't today's woman have options? Doesn't today's woman need to get her career in line before she thinks about getting weighed down by a family?"
Despite the shocked responses I am sure to receive for blogging this, I know that the strategy to "put off" having kids and developing a family is about the most shortsighted concept I have ever witnessed among my colleagues and close friends.
Finding a job is hard enough, but have you ever considered the odds and the challenges of finding a good man?
Bad news, girls. The odds are definitely better on getting the right job than getting a good partner for life. Someone who will grow with you. Someone to develop memories with. Someone who was there in the beginning. Someone who will be there at the end.
Don't push away that chance if you're one of the lucky ones who find that partner. And remember, you can always change a job. I hear it's much harder to switch out a husband.
But let's talk about the greatest gift a woman can receive: being a mommy. For professional women, there simply is NO good time to have a baby. Putting it off only makes the challenges greater. Having babies after 35 increases medical risk and is, lets face it, exhausting. It is also trying on a marriage and a career.
Don't make your journey through life harder by placing rules on yourself like, "I can't get married till I get promoted to your dream job.
That's just ridiculous. Your "dream" job can wait, because chances are good that you will find this prize you so desired wasn't a dream job after all.
I say, "Go for it all."
A marriage and career could take a decade to launch and nurture. Why wait on either?
In my upcoming book, All Things at Once, I talk about the challenges of my choices, the costs of those choices, and how they led me to where I am today.
Marriage is the ultimate challenge, and like most, mine isn't always perfect. Nor are my husband and I the perfect parents. But who is?
Parenting is the ultimate ULTIMATE challenge, and as a doctor at our local ER will tell you, the strains of working hard and carrying your family often comes at a high price.
Those stories to come, and regardless of all the bumps in the road I had to endure, I still stand by this simple truth: You should go for your dream career but never forget that you're a woman who deserves a balanced life that includes a loving family.
Speaking of which, I've got to shut down this computer and beat the rush hour traffic home to see my girls.
After all, homework waits for no one.
For more check out www.morningmika.com.
Follow Mika Brzezinski on Twitter: www.twitter.com/@morningmika
Personally, I am a mother of four young kids and I love it - but that was my choice and my desire. As a woman in general, though, I find it a tad appalling that someone suggest to me that I must have kids and at a certain age.
The one thing that irks me about this article is that there is this assumption that the men that we meet in our 20's are the right men for us, and will suit us for the rest of our lives. If this was the case, I'd have many children, probably still coping with addictions, and married to a physical abuser. Yup, that's a GREAT environment to raise kids in - but HEY! I'd be a MOM!
At 32 and single, I have more confidence, a better job, and a better outlook- I'd be happy to have kids, if the opportunity presents itself. I try to live each day and be grateful for what I have - what else can we do? I've overcome many obstacles in my life, and am proud of where I am at, I think that is a good place for any woman, or parent, to start out at. But I wouldn't wish me at 20 as a mom for anyone - I could barely look after myself.
As a woman, since you're little you're very often cultured to develop a maternal instinct. We're brought up differently.
As a physician, I look at some of this from a health standpt as well... 1/8 women in this country are depressed - so we're doing something wrong. Part of that stems from early adulthood rape, some is just natural incidences of depression in the public. But I think part of it is not listening to your body. Women are wired to want to have kids - that's how people kept propogating.
I do think that there is a lot of pressure on women, both to have children and not have children, focus on career and family, tons of stress and pressure.
My general opinion, and what I tell my wife as well who I try to support in whatever she wants to do in life, is that you have to figure out what you really want. Be honest with yourself. I think some things I agree with in this article is the idea that having children and a stable partner is extremely important to women. Not to generalize, but that's just how women are wired in many ways - it's one of the reasons women go through with pregnancy - as a guy I couldn't do that unless there was a really strong drive...
Also, I wanted to address how offensive some posters have been. Just because someone has not chosen your lifestyle & does not want children, you do not have to be so offended as to insult whole populations of people. And no, your playdates & snacktimes & gossip do not make a great impact in the world. If more people were like you, which parents tend to be self-centered enough anyway, the world would be a worse place.
How about this -- instead of a "You can have it all. Just as long as you're a mommy." attitude, we all strive for a more progressive ideal of, "As long as you feel true fulfillment in your life and happiness with your choices, it doesn't matter if you have kids early, later or not at all." That way, we can stop telling girls to look outside themselves for their self-worth and maybe work harder on helping them develop self-esteem through making smart decisions.
Riiiiiight, because, god knows if it hadn't worked out for the Mika, she would have been on the street? NO, she would have been getting more help from famous daddy.
HuffPo makes me sick publishing trite platitudes from the epitome of airhead political "anal-ysts".
I'm sure this won't get posted, censorship being a prime directive here at the blog-of-the-person-who-helped-elect-George-W-Bush.
Ha!
Anyway, I agree with the overall point of the post. So often, family is an afterthought and when women wait, it just gets harder (from a fertility standpoint and physical standpoint). Trust me, I'm a 41-yr-old mother of a 4-yr-old. I REALLY wish I could have had her when I was in my 20s. I often wonder how old I will be when I become a grandmother. Old is all I know. :(
However, I find in America life is very hard for working mothers. Child care centers are outrageously expensive. Nannies are expensive. There are no federal subsidies and private companies do not have day cares. It is much easier in Brazil and in European countries. Therefore, I don't blame some women in America for being scared. Maybe telecommuting will make it easier for all.
My daughters are now 19 and 23 and they also want it all. They are in grad school and College and they know a career and making their own money is sine qua non, but they desire to have children not in their 30's, but preferably in their late 20's. They have a life plan, and so did I.
Seven billion is more than enough. About three times more than enough.
Lots of orphans out there for people who really want to be parents and aren't so narcissistic they believe that the world will perish without their genetic material in the gene pool.