Is there anything more nerve-wracking than coming up with a creative text message for somebody you're interested in? You try and try but everything seems like a version of "nice meeting you."
Soon, you get Texter's Block. You're as nervous as Paris Hilton on Jeopardy. You're shaking like a martini. What do you do? Relax. Remember the Seven Golden Rules of Flirty Text Messaging and you'll be blowing up their phones with witty, funny text messages that'll make them want to know you better.
1) Do Not Send Open-ended Texts.
Here's the very worst one you can send: "Hey, what's up?" You may as well have texted: "Would you mind coming up with something interesting to say because I'm so freakin' boring the plaster peels off the wall when I talk to it."
2) Create Value With Your Texts.
Interest, smiles, laughter, these are all values you can give to the other person on the line. You can't create value with a line like, "how are you?" In fact, you're putting the burden of providing value on them. Here are a few "Value Texts" that make the point (taken from The Flirty Text Message Helper: Witty Texts For Clever People):
Let's say you got the phone number of somebody you're interested in but you're not quite sure they feel the same level of intensity you do. You can't overtly flirt so you have to create value in other ways. By engaging their creativity, for example. You could send a text message like:
"My neighbor just bought two dogs, and she wants to name them after an eighties pop duo. What do you think about Milli Vanilli?"
If you know the person you're interested in is just as interested in you try sending a text that says, "Stop."
When they answer, "Stop What?" you text, ""Stop thinking about me. See? You're doing it right now."
3) Reinforce The Memory Of Your Interaction.
If you both complained about your boss when you talked, extend the conversation through funny texts. Example:
"My boss is doing the work of three men: Larry, Moe and Curly. Hope your day is going better."
Or, "My boss has my hair on fire. You?"
The point is to make every flirt text vibrate with a witty sheen that makes the other person want to know you better.
4) Keep It Short.
Length isn't just the enemy of humor; it's also a flirt-killer because it communicates neediness. As in, you're so lonely and bored that you've just spent 15 minutes composing a text and you expect them to do the same.
5) Use Proper Grammar.
Once, a girlfriend showed me a text from a guy she was sort of interested in. He asked her to "brekfiss" and that was the end of that. I took a look at all of his texts and couldn't tell if he was using abbreviations or whether he was an illiterate who kuldnt spill.
6) Make Them Smile.
Once, I got a text that said, "Last night I renamed my iPod The Titanic. Now when I plug it into my computer it says, "The Titanic Is Syncing." How could you not want to get to know that person better?
7) Don't Over-Text.
Never, EVER send a second or third text if they haven't responded to your first. Wait a day. Otherwise, you're going to seem desperate. The truth is, if they don't respond right away they're just not that into you. Sending additional texts will just reinforce the nagging feeling that you're not for them. That doesn't mean you should give up; it just means you need to exercise patience. In 24-36 hours send them a text that'll pique their interest. Something that has to do with them. Like, "I just met your twin."
Whether you're learning how to text a girl or how to text a guy, the rules are the same: Create value in the form of engagement, creativity or laughter. Even transgressions can be turned into an opportunity for a chuckle. Once, I went out with somebody who screwed up. Here's what they texted: "On a scale of 1 to Chris Brown how angry are you?"
Funny texts don't just buy you forgiveness; they buy you the next date.