THE BLOG

Featuring fresh takes and real-time analysis from HuffPost's signature lineup of contributors

Mike Alvear Headshot

Gay Dating: The 5 Principles of Gay Body Language

Posted: Updated:

As the author of the first body language book for gay men, I'm often asked how male body language affects guy-on-guy dating. The answer: plenty. But to understand why certain postures, gestures and expressions make you more appealing to gay guys, you have to understand the 5 major principles of gay body language:

#1. Words lie, bodies don't.

The truth leaks out of our bodies like a pockmarked water pail. As soon as we put a finger in one hole another one opens up. You may think you look calm, cool and collected, but look down -- your foot's tapping the floor like a woodpecker. Sexual signals bounce all over the place whenever gay men get together, and they're being sent with heads, eyes, arms, hands, legs, and feet. Yes, feet. Long story, keep reading.


#2. Your body language changes when you see somebody hot. And you're usually not aware of it.

Hidden camera studies show that a man's posture changes when he sees somebody that turns him on. He, or more to the point, YOU, will:

  1. Pull your stomach. (To look sleeker)
  2. Throw your shoulders back (to occupy more space)
  3. Puff up your chest (to look bigger)
  4. Lift your head (To look taller)
  5. Protrude your jaw (to look more dominant)

It's a form of preening. Researchers call it "Auto-erotic signaling."


#3. Body language doesn't just reflect your inner emotions. It creates them.

Keeping your body language "open" isn't just critical to changing other people's moods and attitudes; it's critical to changing yours. This concept doesn't just apply to your hands or your palms; it applies to everything. The more you "fake" open and inviting gestures and expressions, the more genuinely open and inviting you'll become.

Don't take my word for it; test it. Cross your arms against your chest. What do you notice? After a few minutes, you'll get quieter, more introspective and less likely to smile or laugh. It's the body's built-in feedback loop -- "bad mood" body positions result in bad moods, period. It works the other way around, too. Uncross your arms and keep your palms open for a couple of minutes. Hmm. Is that your spirit lifting or are you just happy to see me? If you want to attract gay men, heed this principle.


#4. The best way to meet and attract gay guys is to use open and inviting gestures.

Keeping your body open and inviting is so important to attracting guys that almost nothing else matters. If you cross your arms, for example, you might as well spray man-repellent on yourself. This goes for any gesture or movement that forms a barrier -- holding your hands together, crossing your legs, closing your knees, slouching, or holding anything that blocks your chest, heart and stomach.


#5 Our bodies point toward men we like and away from men we don't.

Does he like you? Look down. Men subconsciously point with their feet. It's our way of saying, "Hubba Hubba." Once, I was in a coffeehouse macking on a hottie who was ignoring his friend. He turned his body toward me, made lots of eye contact, and directed most of the conversation to me. Yet, for all those positive signs, I wasn't feeling the vibe. My napkin fell to the floor and as I bent down to pick it up, I cursed under my breath. His feet were pointed to his friend! Sure enough, I saw them on a date a few days later. Guilty feet have got no rhythm, but they never lie.


Putting it Together. If you want to meet gay men, pay attention to these five core principles of gay male body language. Whether you're the pursuer or the pursued, the same principles apply: Your body language changes when you see a guy you're attracted to (so be aware of it), you can consciously use certain body language tactics to change your mood, use open and inviting gestures and, finally, if you want to know if a gay guy is attracted to you, watch where he points (especially his feet).

From Our Partners