How many more dates would you have?
How much more sex?
How many more relationships?
Most guys can't get themselves to talk to a guy they're attracted to because of something called Approach Anxiety -- the fear of starting a conversation with an attractive stranger. A lot of the fear comes from setting unreasonable goals. For example, telling yourself you need to go to the other side of the bar and pick up that hottie in the corner is about the most unreasonable goal you can come up with. Why? Because you're not ready. You can't expect to get to the top of Mt. Hottie without so much as setting up base camp and sharpening your climbing skills.
That's why you've got to set attainable goals. "Meet a quality guy," "Sleep with a hot man" or "get a husband" may be things you want, but they don't qualify as reasonable goals. You can't get there from where you are. You'd get better results -- and faster ones -- if you had goals that weren't tied to outcomes. So here's a stellar gay tip: From now on, when you go out, your main objective is to:
Be More Talkative
It's the only way to convey the allure of your personality. No talking means no gay pickup. No personality means no chance of climbing Mt. Hottie. You have to practice being talkative with EVERYONE not just the guys you like. And you have to practice it EVERYWHERE, not just in bars or parties.
If your ultimate desire in climbing Mt. Hottie is, ahem, planting the flag, then you need to change your goal from getting something to being something. Namely, TALKATIVE. It's the first commandment of picking up gay men.
Now, it's true that you have to get good at specific kinds of conversations, but even that doesn't matter unless you get into the habit of being naturally talkative. Gay tip Duh: If you can't talk to strangers you're not attracted to you'll never be able to talk to strangers you are.
In my 21 day guide to re-engineer gay love lives, the bible for lonely gay men, I start with fun exercises to get you into the swing of being more talkative. Try them and see if at the end of just a couple of days you don't already have way more confidence about climbing Mt. Hottie than you did before you started.
1. Say Hello to Strangers
To everyone, everywhere, all of the time. Whether they look at you or not. Whether you think they'll say hello back or not.
2. Go out of your way to say hello to acquaintances
I'm talking about that acquaintance on the other side of the coffee shop. You'd say hello if there weren't so many people in the place. STOP. Move your body. Get up and say hello.
3. Make small talk with acquaintances you typically only say hello to.
You know that person you've been saying hello to, for like, years, and you've never had a proper conversation? Start one.
Remember, If you can't talk to strangers you're not attracted to you'll never be able to talk to strangers you are. Once you get used to being talkative everywhere with everyone, you can start using the kind of conversational techniques I recommend in my gay dating ebook that are guaranteed to predispose guys to like you. And then you'll get a breathtaking view from the top of that mountain.
Follow Mike Alvear on Twitter: www.twitter.com/mikealvear
I can be talkative when I need to be. But, when I've spent a whole day talking to people, I just feel that I'm so exhausted that I need to shut myself in a room and just sit by myself for a couple of hours before I can go talk to someone again. And, I absolutely detest small talk. Now, you might think that these are all things I need to work on, but I rather like these things about myself. I think it makes me more reflective and sensitive.
While this advice is great, it'd be nice to hear some pick up advice for introverted guys too! :)
It has taken me nearly 60 years to realize that. I'm not afraid to talk to anybody --- and quite often --- just like my daddy, who was a great one for finding people on the sidelines of things, just as my mother always pushed her way into the center --- I've discovered that the most interesting people are those who are sitting by themselves.
Beauty is as beauty does. Quite often, people coast by on their appearances and have no conversational substance to back up their handsome appearances.
-sigh-
That will always be the dream.