11/23/2010 02:07 pm ET | Updated Nov 17, 2011

Test Your Federal IQ: Mensa or Moron?

If you are visiting or entertaining non-federal relatives over Thanksgiving and they start giving you a hard time about being a pointy-headed bureaucrat, have them take this test:

Question: The first person to set foot on the Moon was...

  1. A certain dashing, yet self-effacing columnist and talk show host for Federal News Radio.

  2. Buzz 'after burner' Hurley, a legendary test pilot for Lockeed Martin.

  3. The guy who does the voice of the GEICO Gecko.

  4. A GS-15 federal civil servant.

You have 10 seconds to answer!

Question: When jeweler Harry Winston sent the fabled, priceless 45.52 carat Hope Diamond to the Smithsonian Institution it came from New York to Washington via...

  1. Three armored cars driven and guarded by teams from the Italian and Irish mafias.

  2. It was smuggled into the National Zoo in the stomach of a large chimp named Ricky who ingested it along with a banana daiquiri. Ricky went on to live 18 years after the diamond was, uh, recovered.

  3. It was delivered by a New York City cab which was lost for three days in New Jersey.

  4. It came by regular mail.

Again, ten seconds!

Question: The turkey that's the centerpiece of Thanksgiving looks nothing like the wild turkey that Benjamin Franklin wanted (in lieu of the bald eagle) as America's national symbol. Where did your modern turkey come from...

  1. A brief encounter between Sid, a 2-year old Helmeted Guinea Fowl and Martina, a three-year-old giant Snow Mountain Quail just outside of Provo, Utah on Oct. 17, 1947.

  2. The Agriculture Department Research Center in Beltsville, Md.

  3. A once-rare strain of albino turkeys found in central Turkey.

  4. Actually, the modern turkey is a throwback - known in scientific circles as reverse Darwinism - to turkeys that once inhabited the Great Plains.

If you answer A, C and C, you are dead wrong. You might even need professional help.

The correct answers are D, D and B.

Now, back to the couch. Happy holiday.

Mike Causey is a senior correspondent for Federal News Radio covering the pay and benefits issues of federal government employees. Mike writes a daily column for Federal News Radio, Mike Causey's Federal Report.