Death Finally Checkmates Ingmar Bergman

Film director Ingmar Bergman died today at the age of 89. Reportedly, his last words were, "Hey! No cheating!"

Bergman influenced generations of directors, most notably Woody Allen, who described him as "the greatest film artist since the invention of the motion picture camera." Of course, asking Woody to describe Bergman is like asking John to describe Yoko. In homage to his idol, Allen is expected to die later this week. It all depends on what happens with the financing.

The head of the Cannes Film Festival praised Bergman for showing that "cinema can be as profound as literature. And require just as much reading." Even Ain't It Cool News got into the act, calling Bergman "Sweden's Rob Zombie."

Bergman was the last link to the golden age of foreign cinema, where themes like alienation, mortality and loss were considered awesome date movies. "What would you do if there was another Black Death? I know what I would do -- I'd have sex ALL the time..." Once you get somebody thinking about the fragileness and brevity of our time here on Earth, their bra strap practically unhooks itself.

The intellectual breeds seldom, if at all; Ingmar Bergman helped everybody get laid. And that, to me, is the true definition of genius.