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10 Ways Living With a Toddler Is Like Being in Prison

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As a parent, your schedule is often dictated by the needs of your child, especially when that child is young.

The necessity of getting a toddler home for a nap -- as well as the need to get them to bed for the night before the sun has even gone down -- can cripple your day. Being sequestered in your home for a few hours is usually better than dealing with a public meltdown from an overtired toddler, so sometimes, the trade-off is worth it. Still, raising a toddler can be rather suffocating.

In fact, it's uncanny how many aspects of the parenting experience remind me of prison -- complete with a sadistic little warden who harbors a Napoleon complex.

10 Ways Having a Toddler is Like Being in Prison

  • You can't do anything without constant supervision
  • Every morning begins with someone screaming at you to wake up
  • You're always terrified something bad will happen when you're in the shower
  • You're always terrified someone is going to crawl into your bed in the middle of the night
  • Meal time is fraught with tension
  • Someone's always watching you go to the bathroom
  • You never get to choose the movie and then it's hard to hear it over all the hooting and hollering
  • You're always terrified someone is going to punch, bite, tackle, stab or attack you with some kind of makeshift weapon
  • Contraband -- like booze, chocolate and adult entertainment -- must be smuggled in and consumed in secret
  • Conjugal visits are hard to come by, require intense scheduling, and are often interrupted
BONUS: One Way Having a Toddler is NOT Like Being in Prison
  • Being placed in solitary confinement is a reward, not a punishment

Read more from Mike Julianelle on his blog, Dad and Buried.

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