This weekend, Joseph Gordon-Levitt's directorial debut, "Don Jon," opens in theaters nationwide. "Don Jon" is the story of a man who loves his apartment, loves his car, loves girls, and loves internet porn.
Given the subject, I wanted to see if real industry types were planning to check out the film. What better way than venturing to internet porn live camera chat-rooms and asking the person working if he or she had any plans to see "Don Jon" this weekend? Below are screenshots of me trying to get people performing sexual acts on a live camera feed to answer questions about a movie co-starring Tony Danza. Anyway, here's what happened. (Hint: It went about as well as you might expect.)
First, I'm not sure why I thought this would be easy to get a response. All I was looking for was a "yes" or a "no." And, honestly, being in a live camera chat-room asking this question is very embarrassing for an assortment of reasons. The first person I questioned, "SweetNsinful18," just plain ignored my request. I do understand it's an odd question to ask in a porn chat room, but it's no worse than "napoli51" asking if she likes pasta pizza (the pizza question got a response). Anyway, I am going to assume that SweetNsinful18 is not going to see "Don Jon" this weekend.
(Also: Please excuse some of my grammar, the chat room wouldn't allow any capitalization or punctuation whatsoever, which led to other mistakes).
Moving on, the next room featured a dancing woman who was nowhere near her keyboard. This proved to be troublesome because she was obviously busy and not typing. Also, I was one of the few people in the room speaking English, so I moved on.
The next person, who went by the name "ObedientSlutt," had an interesting array of restraint paraphernalia in the background. Regardless, "Obedientslutt" was the first person to acknowledge my existence when I asked about "Don Jon." (The, "you ok, 71" is directed at me.) Unfortunately, our connection was short lived as every question after that was ignored in favor of something about catsuits.
I tried politeness and pleading with the next person, "skyjennifer." That also didn't work.
My last chance was with "NaturallyBlond," who seemed nice enough. When I said "hi," she said "hi" back. Which, after all of my rejections up to this point, made me feel special. Unfortunately, like all who had come before, she wouldn't answer my questions about "Don Jon."
My only conclusion about any of this is that these five people had (A) never heard of "Don Jon" or, most likely, (B) realized I wasn't going to be paying any money so I was quickly ignored. (Also, I will never do this again and I'm happy the next thing I'm writing about is "Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs 2.")
Mike Ryan is senior writer for Huffington Post Entertainment. You can contact him directly on Twitter.