This Memorial Day weekend, Americans who need a break from quiet reflection have the option of paying to see a movie called Men in Black 3. Will Smith (Enemy of the State) and Tommy Lee Jones (Small Soldiers) reprise their roles from Men in Black and Men in Black 2 as agents J and K, respectively. Josh Brolin (The Mod Squad) also plays Agent K, which we will explain when we answer every question that you could possibly have about Men in Black 3.
Q: Are you happy to have Will Smith in your life again?
A: To be honest, I didn't really miss him. But, yeah, now that he's back, it was nice to see him again in something that's not Seven Pounds.
Q: Are there any jellyfish in Men in Black 3?
A: Thankfully, no. Men in Black 3 is jellyfish-free.
Q: If you're are going to be blurbed in this weekend's commercials for Men in Black 3, what quote do you hope is used?
A: "Men in Black 3 is jellyfish-free!" Mike Ryan, The Huffington Post
Q: Will I like Men in Black 3?
A: As with most movies, humans who watch it will leave the theater with different opinions. But if I had to give an answer, I'd say, "Probably."
Q: If you had to describe Men in Black 3 with one word, what would that word be?
Q: Is Men in Black 3 the best Men in Black movie?
A: No. But it's not the worst one, either.
Q: Does Will Smith at least use his signature line, "Works for me," at any point during Men in Black 3?
A: I think you're getting Will Smith's signature line confused with that of Fred Dryer on Hunter.
Q: How is Fred Dryer as the young K in the scenes set in 1969?
A: Seeing that Fred Dryer is only two months younger than Tommy Lee Jones, he does not play the young K in Men in Black 3 -- that would be Josh Brolin, who plays a 29-year-old K.
Q: Did someone bet you that you couldn't use Fred Dryer's name four times in a review for Men in Black 3?
A: Maybe. Or perhaps it was five times.
Q: In reality, how old is Brolin?
A: Brolin is 44, but this discrepancy is addressed.
Q: Why is Men in Black 3 partly set in 1969?
A: A one-armed criminal named Boris the Animal (Jemaine Clement) goes back in time and kills Agent K, who is the man responsible for Boris being a one-armed criminal (as opposed to a two-armed one). J also returns to 1969 -- using a gadget that allows him to travel through time by jumping off of a very tall building -- to prevent Boris from killing K.
Q: Does this mean that Tommy Lee Jones is relegated to a cameo?
A: Jones' role is certainly larger than a cameo. But Brolin fills probably 70 percent of K's role in the film.
Q: What building does Jay jump off of to achieve time travel?
A: The Chrysler Building in New York City.
Q: When J jumps off of the Chrysler building, does he know that this is going on just a few blocks away?
A: Men in Black 3 does not specifically address J's knowledge of Loki's presence at Tony Stark's apartment one way or another.
Q: What does Boris plan on doing differently this time around?
A: Well, when Boris travels back in time, he teams up with his younger, two-armed self -- meaning that there are now two Borises at large in 1969. (Hold this thought.)
Q: What is the best thing about Men in Black 3?
A: Bill Hader as Andy Warhol in a, sadly, all-too-small part.
Q: Would you watch an entire movie of Hader as undercover-Men-in-Black-agent Andy Warhol?
A: I would.
Q: For his role as Boris the Animal, will Jemaine Clement join fellow Flight of the Conchords member Bret McKenzie as an Oscar winner?
A: No. (Someday, though.)
Q: The other night, you Tweeted repeatedly from the Men in Black 3 after party. Are you sure that the free food and booze is not affecting your review?
A: No. C'mon, it would take more than free hot dogs and beer served on an aircraft carrier to sway my opinion.
Q: At that party, did seeing Will Smith reunite with D.J. Jazzy Jeff to sing the theme song from Fresh Prince of Bel Air and "Brand New Funk" live onstage in sway your opinion of Men in Black 3?
A: OK, that one ... yeah, I'll admit, it did. Which explains why I used the word "adequate" above instead of "serviceable" to describe Men in Black 3.
Q: Does J use the time-travel device again in the movie?
A: Yes. During a ill-fated kerfuffle with Boris, Jay uses the device to reverse time so that he can re-do the fight.
Q: Wait? Reverse time? If there are now two versions of Boris, wouldn't using the time machine again -- even just going back in time a few moments -- create a second J instead of reversing time?
A: Well, yes, that would be true if the name of this movie were Primer or if it cared about "details."
Q: And didn't K recruit J in the first film? If K died in 1969, how is J still a member of Men in Black?
A: I wish that I could go back in time and use the last answer I gave, only in this slot instead.
Q: I can't really tell if you liked or did not like Men in Black 3.
A: Honestly, it's a hard movie to have a strong opinion about either way. It really is "fine." Put it this way: At no time during Men in Black 3 did I wish that I were somewhere else.
Q: Do you have anything else to add about Men in Black 3?
A: Fred Dryer.
Mike Ryan is senior entertainment writer for The Huffington Post. He likes Star Wars a lot. You can contact Mike Ryan directly on Twitter.