Currently in theaters is one of the most mysterious and highly anticipated films of the summer, Prometheus. The Ridley Scott film, and its Alien roots, have been dominating internet message-board chatter for months. Was it worth the wait? As a service, we answer every question you could possibly have about Prometheus.
Q: What is a Prometheus?
A: Prometheus is a Greek titan who had an affinity for human beings. It's also the name of a nifty looking spaceship, in which the characters of this movie are aboard.
Q: Is there any relation between the two in Prometheus?
A: Only if you're the type who's into crystal clear symbolism.
Q: As you type this, is there a representative from Fox holding a dagger to your head, guarding against spoilers or undue sarcasm?
A: A sickle, actually.
Q: Is Prometheus at all related to the Alien franchise?
A: I can only assume that you have internet access, because you are reading this. And if you have internet access, you should be well aware that the answer to that question is "yes." If, by chance, someone has printed this out for you to read, then (A) I'm really sorry that this is what you're stuck reading and (B), yes, the events in Prometheus take place before the events of the original Alien.
Q: Do I need to watch any the Alien movies before I watch Prometheus?
A: Only Alien vs. Predator: Requiem.
Q: Is that a joke?
A: Sadly, yes. And I apologize for that. Look, I haven't seen the original Alien since the early 1980s, when it was on cable and my thought process was Oh, a movie set in space. I wonder if it's like Star Wars?. (Spoiler alert: It's not.) I would say that it's helpful, but certainly not a set-in-stone prerequisite.
Q: Currently, how many inches away from your throat is that Fox sickle?
A: Five inches.
Q: Why are the characters of Prometheus aboard a spaceship?
A: They are seeking the origins of life.
Q: Oh, so they are headed to Nimbus III?
A: Thankfully, the events in Prometheus have nothing to do with the events of Star Trek V: The Final Frontier.
Q: Do they have a alternate destination?
A: The inhabitable moon of a distant planet, which was discovered in numerous cave drawings around the globe by archeologists Elizabeth Shaw (Noomi Rapace) and Charlie Holloway (Logan Marshall-Green). They are both on board Prometheus along with the rest of the crew.
Q: What does the crew hope to find on this moon?
A: There's a belief that an alien species -- called the Engineers -- are the creators of human life. Some of the people aboard the Prometheus would like to have a word with the Engineers about all of this.
Q: Why only some?
A: This ship is owned -- and the expedition is funded --by Weyland Industries. Meredith Vickers (Charlize Theron) is a Weyland employee whose motives are not entirely clear.
Q: Is "motives are not entirely clear" always code for the word "sinister"?
A: Yes.
Q: I thought Alien was really scary, will I be scared during Prometheus?
A: I scare very easily, and there are, surprisingly, very few actual scary moments during Prometheus.
Q: What is the most disturbing scene in Prometheus?
A: Well, let's just say that it involves a process that a significant number of the U.S. population has been a part of, including myself.
Q: Will I enjoy Prometheus?
A: While you're watching it, you will enjoy it very much. It's incredibly intriguing.
Q: What about after I'm done watching it?
A: After it ends, you will have a lot of questions, which -- out of frustration -- will keep you up at night. Honestly, I can't remember the last time that I enjoyed a movie this much and still left the theater disappointed. But, it will spark conversations with other people that have seen Prometheus, if you enjoy that sort of thing.
Q: What were the disappointments?
A: I want to reiterate, I enjoyed almost every second of this movie while I was watching it -- but I'm still trying to decide if that enjoyment was based on preconceived notions. Also, without giving too much away, some very important decisions by major characters make little to no sense. At least, the actions are not properly explained. So, while watching, I just assumed this action would be explained. But, it wasn't. Also, I could have done without the blatant setup for a sequel.
Q: Not having questions specifically explained to you is not a reason to be disappointed with a movie.
A: This would be the case if Prometheus were in someway a profound movie. That's not necessarily a knock against Prometheus, it's just not the profound movie that you probably think it's going to be.
Q: Currently, how many inches away from your throat is that Fox sickle?
A: Two inches.
Q: What's the best thing about Prometheus?
A: Michael Fassbender as David, an android who looks human.
Q: Is David anatomically...
A: Stop it. There will be no references to the movie Shame today. Not on my watch.
Q: I have to know, how does Prometheus end? Do they find the meaning of life?
A: Well, it's complicated. Though, I'm sure it will be cleared up in Prometheus II.
Q: Currently, how many inches away from your throat is that Fox sickle?
A:
Q: Hello?
A: [gurgle]
Mike Ryan is senior entertainment writer for The Huffington Post. He likes Star Wars a lot. You can contact Mike Ryan directly on Twitter.