Today, a movie starring called That's My Boy is playing in a theater somewhere near a large percentage of you. The movie stars Adam Sandler (Bulletproof) as the burnt-out father of Andy Samberg (That's My Boy). We've all been down this tragic Adam Sandler road before, but, regardless, we still answered every question that you could possibly have about That's My Boy.
Q: How bad is That's My Boy?
A: Well, let me tell you. Oh, it's soooo ... I mean, you wouldn't believe ... I mean, right?
Q: You didn't actually say anything in that last answer.
A: Look, I can't do this. I'm sorry, I laughed during That's My Boy. A lot.
Q: Do you want to take this moment to apologize to society?
A: I apologize, society. But, yes, I found That's My Boy quite amusing.
Q: How did this happen?
A: Look, it's tough to actually define That's My Boy as "a good movie," but for whatever reason, Adam Sandler throws every punch he has at this R-rated offering. And quite a few of his punches land.
Q: Can you think of a more cliché metaphor than "punch"?
A: For whatever reason, Adam Sandler brought his fastball to this R-rated offering. And he throws more than a few for strikes.
Q: How does That's My Boy begin?
A: With Def Leppard's "Rock of Ages."
Q: Wait, isn't there a movie called Rock of Ages coming out this weekend, too?
A: Yes. Both wide release movies this weekend feature Def Leppard's "Rock of Ages" at some point in the film.
Q: What is That's My Boy about?
A: That's My Boy is about the reconciliation between Donny Berger (Adam Sandler) and his son, Han Solo ( Andy Samberg).
Q: Wait, what? Han Solo?
A: Donny wanted to name give his son the coolest name that he could think of, hence the name Han Solo.
Q: I'm confused, how can Andy Samberg be Adam Sandler's son? There's only a twelve-year age difference.
A: Sandler plays Donny Berger who, as a young boy, had an affair with his teacher. The result is his son, Han Solo, played by Samberg.
Q: What percentage of your enjoyment of That's My Boy is a direct result that one of the lead character's names is Han Solo?
A: Thirty-five percent.
Q: Is Indiana Jones' name mentioned in That's My Boy, too?
A: Yes.
Q: These all happen to be things that you like. Your argument here seems to be getting weaker by the moment.
A: I know.
Q: Wait, was that last answer a Han Solo reference?
A: Not intentionally.
Q: In the present, are Donny and Han Solo on speaking terms?
A: No. Donny, who is minor celebrity as a result of his affair -- his escapades were even immortalized in a television movie co-starring Alan Thicke -- owes a lot of back taxes. In an effort to raise the money, Donny agrees to appear on television with his former teacher and Han Solo. Though, Donny must convince Han Solo -- who has changed his name to Todd -- to appear.
Q: Did Adam Sandler actually ever appear on Growing Pains?
A: No. You're thinking of The Cosby Show.
Q: Does Donny have any friends who are also minor celebrities?
A: Donny is a long-time friend of Robert Van Winkle, who goes by the stage name of Vanilla Ice. Vanilla Ice is friends with Todd Bridges, who, in this movie, is friends with cocaine.
Q: At any point in That's My Boy will I hear Vanilla Ice's "Ice Ice Baby"?
A: Oh, c'mon. What do you think?
Q: How does Donny go about asking Han Solo for help?
A: Han Solo/Todd is marrying Christina (Leighton Meester). Donny crashes the wedding weekend in an effort to reconnect with Todd -- then either trick or convince Todd to appear on television. Eventually, they do start to connect and lessons are learned.
Q: Has Andy Samberg's post-SNL movie career ended before it even really started?
A: Again, for reasons I'm having a hard time explaining, I enjoyed That's My Boy. And I hate myself for that. But, Samberg certainly doesn't embarrass himself. He actually comes across as quite likable and plays an effective straight man to Sandler's schlub.
Q: If you're going to be blurbed in this weekend's commercials for That's My Boy what quote do you think will be used?
A: "I enjoyed That's My Boy. And I hate myself for that!" - Mike Ryan, The Huffington Post.
Q: What's the worst thing about That's My Boy?
A: Just the typical Adam Sandler things that Sandler insists on doing. For example, for no reason, Sandler has a thick Boston accent in this movie. Also, his insistence on giving Nick Swardson work.
Q: If you had to compare That's My Boy to any other Adam Sandler movie, which one would it be?
A: In terms of quality, I'd compare it to Big Daddy. Only much raunchier. It's certainly better than the garbage we've seen over the last few years -- ranging from moderate on the garbage scale, Just Go With It, to the new definition of garbage,Jack and Jill. Sandler certainly doesn't phone in That's My Boy like he did those other two movies.
Q: Does the funniest line in That's My Boy involve Han Solo?
A: Yes.
Q: You do realize that you enjoyed both Rock of Ages and That's My Boy, right? How do you sleep at night?
A: I can assure you: I don't.
Mike Ryan is senior entertainment writer for The Huffington Post. He likes Star Wars a lot. You can contact Mike Ryan directly on Twitter.