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'Total Recall' Vs. 'Total Recall': Is The 1990 Film Better Than The 2012 Film?

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This Friday, "Total Recall," a movie about a man named Doug Quaid (Colin Farrell) who learns that he's a spy (or is he?) while undergoing a memory implant procedure, will be released into theaters. Which harkens back to a movie from 1990 -- also called "Total Recall" -- in which a man named Doug Quaid (Arnold Schwarzenegger) learns that he's a spy (or is he?) while undergoing a memory implant procedure. Here, we compare the Schwarzenegger sorta-classic to the new, revamped version that you probably won't see. (Spoilers ahead, if you care.)

"Total Recall" (1990)"Total Recall" (2012)Advantage
The opening dream sequence is of Quaid and Melina (Rachel Ticotin) on Mars.The opening dream sequence is of Quaid and Melina (Jessica Biel) in what looks to be a hospital.1990
The "colony" refers to rebels fighting for freedom on Mars.The "colony" refers to Australia.1990
Characters can't breath because they are on Mars.Characters cant breath because most of Earth is contaminated with poison.1990
Quaid relaxes by watching a video of a scenic view.Quaid relaxes by reading "The Spy Who Loved Me."2012
People can travel between Earth and the colony on Mars by spaceship.People can travel between the United Federation of Britain and the colony on Australia (the only two places left on Earth not destroyed by chemical warfare) by "the fall," a tunnel that goes through the core of the planet.2012
Rekall runs its operation out of a very respectable looking office building.Rekall runs its operation out of a place that might also give happy-ending massages. 2012
Quaid encounters a woman with three breasts at a brothel on Mars.Quaid encounters a woman with three breasts as he asks for directions on the street.Even
Once Doug Quaid returns from Rekall, Lori Quaid (Sharon Stone) tries to kill him by gunfire.Once Doug Quaid returns from Rekall, Lori Quaid (Kate Beckinsale) tries to kill him with a very tight hug.1990
After Lori Quaid's failed assassination attempt, Richter (Michael Ironside) gives chase for the rest of the movie.After Lori Quaid's failed assassination attempt, Lori Quaid gives chase for the rest of the movie.2012
Quaid uses a non-portable video phones for communication.Quaid uses a phone implanted inside of his hand for communication.2012
Going through security, Quiad disguises himself as a woman with the help of an exploding mask.Going through security, Quiad disguises himself as an Asian man with the help of a non-exploding hologram collar.1990
The second act of the film takes place on Mars.In the first half of the film, Mars is mentioned once.1990
Inspired a bad Nintendo video game.Feels like you're watching a bad video game.1990
Quaid finds himself involved in a knife fight with Sharon Stone.Quaid finds himself involved in a knife fight with Bryan Cranston.1990
The local currency, referred to as credits, is red.The local currency features a picture of Barack Obama.2012
When Quaid meets who he thinks is the leader of the rebels, a mutant named Quato bursts out of the man's stomach.When Quaid meets who he thinks is the leader of the rebels, a mutant named Quato does not, nor does anything else, burst out of the man's stomach.1990
"Consider this a divorce.""Till death do we part."1990
Is a decent movie.Is not a decent movie.1990 (Disadvantage: Society)

Mike Ryan is senior entertainment writer for The Huffington Post. He watched two Total Recall movies on Wednesday. You can contact him directly on Twitter.

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