THE BLOG

Ten Signs He's Married

10/03/2011 02:52 am ET | Updated Dec 02, 2011

As a divorce attorney and a past serial dater, I have had the unique opportunity to view every facet of relationships between men and women from beginning to end. Like most men and women, I have entered relationships with the utmost optimism only to experience it fall apart along the way. Every day I encounter the end of marriages. In my last article, I touched on infidelity as a major cause of divorce. As a woman with many single girlfriends, I have continuously shared the excitement when a friend met a new and interesting man only to learn later in the relationship that her new lover had lied about his single status. Often, women get caught up in the hot romance of a new relationship. If a married man who preys on unsuspecting single women is an expert in this despised behavior, it will take more time for the woman to catch on to the game he is playing. Many of my clients learned of their husband's infidelity when they received a call from the "other woman" after she found out her boyfriend was married.

Please note that although my practice is not gender-specific, I find that single men are not nearly as offended if they find out that their new lover is married. From professional and personal experience, men enjoy relationships with no attachment more than women. In many instances, a female client often gets dumped by her lover once her lover realizes that she wants to get divorced in order to be with him.

Single ladies, take heed. Following are ten signs the new man in your life may be married.

RED FLAG #10: When you go on a date with him he pays for everything in cash. Paying for dinners, trips, and lingerie in cash is a way a married man may avoid the wife who inspects his receipts or the wife who writes checks for the bills each month. In our electronic society, most people no longer carry around cash, so if your new boyfriend always pays in cash beware especially if any of the signs listed below also apply to your situation.

RED FLAG #9: He only has time to be with you during a four-hour window after he gets off work. If your new man habitually places severe restrictions on the times and places he can see you, either he is dating someone else or he is married. A nice guy who is really interested in getting to know you will not have to be home by 10:00 pm for that important business meeting in the morning.

RED FLAG #8: His occupation is a "traveling businessman". Some traveling businessmen may want to have their "cake and eat it too" (suffice it to say that most single women are familiar with this dreaded expression). It is very easy for a married man who travels constantly with his work to lead a secret life. While I reiterate that not all traveling businessmen cheat on their wives, this particular lifestyle is very attractive to the man who flies passenger jets for a living or to the man who sells the very best of German engineering parts on three different continents. It usually takes an unsuspecting woman months to find out that the traveling businessman with whom she has fallen in love is actually married.

RED FLAG #7: He never invites you over to his home and insists that you only spend time together at your residence. The reason he doesn't want you to come to his house is either because his home looks like he lives in a college dorm or because he is married.

RED FLAG #6: He receives calls from his cell phone that he will not answer in front of you. Secrecy is paramount to the man who is married but yet presents himself as being single. If your new lover routinely behaves this way in front of you, either he works in espionage or he is married.

RED FLAG #5: When you call his cell number you always get voice mail, and then he returns the call some time later. The age of cellular technology is all too convenient for married men posing as singles. He can be at home with his wife and then go out to his car to return your call moments later.

RED FLAG #4: He never introduces you to his children, friends or family. If this sign is evident, either your boyfriend does not view you as serious dating material or he is most certainly probably married.

RED FLAG #3: He says he has filed for divorce, but you cannot find an open civil case in any county within a one-hundred mile radius. This sign is the only sign on my list that arises after a woman suspects her new boyfriend might be married. It usually begins with the woman having a talk with her new man and questioning him about her suspicions. He replies that while he is technically married he is separated from his wife and has filed for divorce. He then explains that he was afraid that she would not have gone on a date with him if she knew he was still legally married. She searches online and spends an entire day making phone calls to every superior court in the area. However, there is no open civil case listing her new lover as a plaintiff or a defendant anywhere.

RED FLAG #2: You get a call from his wife while you are at work asking you why your number appears in his call log so often. When a wife finds out her husband has been cheating, she cannot resist the emotional temptation to confront the "other woman". If this happens to you, all you can do is comfort her and assure her that you did not know the new man in your life was actually married to her. Then, I recommend you make one very important phone call afterwards.

RED FLAG #1: You come home to find that his entire wardrobe has been dumped in your driveway. No explanation necessary.

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