Eliot Spitzer: Why?

Q: Very simple: Eliot Spitzer?

A: Now, what knowledge could I impart that, to the discredit of my profession, has not already been imparted by every "relationship expert," every "male ego expert," and, amazingly enough, every "infidelity expert"? (I swear.) Obviously there are political, financial, legal and, of course, personal consequences to what happened to Spitzer that are in some ways more important than all the behavioral stuff discussed on TV. But I'm a shrink. With your permission, I'm going to try to superficially psychoanalyze Eliot Spitzer.

1) Yes. There's a possible addiction. Yes, there is arrogance. Yes, he pushed the limits. Yes, he is self-destructive. Yes, he thinks rules don't apply to him. Yes, he likes sex. Yes, he is obviously quite adept at compartmentalization and, yes, he compartmentalized so well that he was able to seal off what he had to know about the Mann act, the responsibility of banks to report the suspicious movement of funds and other laws relating to prostitution. He was the functional equivalent of the pickpockets who circulated at the public hanging of pickpockets -and picked the pockets of onlookers. Tells you something about human nature.

For Spitzer, it clearly was more fun to be the bandit than the sheriff, as he called himself. It was more fun to plan the requisite schemes for illegal and scandalous behavior -- moving that money around, booking hotel rooms, etc. -- than running down the bad guys or, maybe, doing the grunt work of a big state governor.

The only two psychological explanations I haven't heard are these: Reaction formation and obsessive-compulsive behavior. People have described the behavior related to these terms but not the terms themselves. Let me give you the labels.

Reaction Formation is when an individual's behavior or actions are the exact opposite of what he feels at his core (or possibly unconscious) level. In Spitzer's case, it means that the corruption fighter in his core was -- or needed to be -- corrupt. The more corrupt he was, or felt he was, the more he had to fight corruption in others -- and fight it with a tenacity and ruthlessness that was fueled in fact, by his own failings. Classically, he even denounced and went after prostitution rings -- kind of like a priest railing against sin and then taking a boy to bed. The outward purity and rigidity is a defense mechanism that helps him to feel better about his inner needs.

Obsessive-Compulsive Behavior (as opposed to a full-fledged obsessive-compulsive disorder) is the attempt to control internal chaos or obsessive thoughts. In Spitzer's case, he might have been trying to control his apparent sexual needs -- and, maybe more importantly, his need to push the limits into dangerous territory. By focusing on control or perfectionism, the individual offsets or distracts from the unconscious danger. So, by behaving in a strict, ordered, manner (always wearing white shirts, for instance), the Governor appeared to be the opposite of what, internally, he really was.

2) Why are we so interested in Spitzer's downfall? Is this scandal just about him or is just a piece of it about us, too? Of course, it's a juicy sex scandal. Of course, it's about a powerful political figure from a powerful state who could have been a presidential contender. All these things are true. But our intense interest in the tragedy of Eliot Spitzer reflects our own fear of losing control -- that the levees we've built to control our own dangerous impulses may, somehow, be breached. Après that, as we all know, comes le deluge.

Spitzer appeared so in control of a perfect life that when we see his structure break down we take it as both a warning and a lesson: make sure it doesn't happen to us. We look at Spitzer as we do an accident on the side of the road ---slow down, thank God it's not us, and then speed up again.

3) But, to me, the most interesting aspect of the Spitzer saga is not the sexual one or even his internal contradictions. It is what it reveals about his true personality. Does he have any moral compass at all? What role does love or family play in his life? How does he relate to others? And how does all of this information help his wife and daughters?

For some reason, despite many clues to the contrary, Spitzer was mostly seen as the hard-charging, moralistic, crusader for good government. He won a landslide victory in New York because the voters believed that both he and his marriage were nearly perfect - certainly incorruptible. But alongside that portrait were troubling signs that something was seriously amiss. He was too rigid. He could explode with anger. He seemed crazed in his attempts to destroy others, and he could be cruel, bending others to his will. His clean and rigid exterior (those white shirts again, that neat tab collar) made us ignore hints that the man was troubled. It was easier to buy the image.

Like Bill Clinton, Spitzer kept pushing the limits and each time he was forgiven, understood (misunderstood) as over-zealous, too intent -- too much of a good thing. So he felt safe to continue, to push the limit time and time again.

So, Spitzer family, listen up! The sexual stuff is painful, but it may have the least lasting consequence. Look first at his potential cruelty and thoughtlessness. That is more important. If he was cruel before, if he has casually inflicted pain on others and now, of course, on his family, consider whether this cruelty is a part of his core personality. This has to be taken into account as you all determine your future. (In fact, I would be interested to know if his sexual needs involved cruelty as well.)

So for Spitzer's wife, she has to also determine what her needs are. Hillary Clinton faced a similar situation and decided that what she had with her husband -- a shared passion for public life, a family, shared ambitions -- took precedence over more conventional or expected considerations -fidelity, for instance. She was determined to use her position to get where she wanted to go. How can you, Spitzer family, use your relationship with your husband/father to reach your own goals. Use him.

It is always difficult for a family to face reality. Usually, the husband-father turn out not to be the knight in shining armor. He isn't an exciting, extraordinary man or daddy. He is a regular guy who is perhaps even more flawed than average. Can you learn to love and to hate simultaneously? Can you be compassionate and angry at the same time? Decide for yourself, not only who he is but who you are and what you need and want. That will give you the strength to both handle him and to make the decisions you need to make for yourself.

Comments

[mrcontinental]

It's odd how this got lost in the SEX. They took down the only person who had the guts to call the Bush administration on their criminal activity.

http://www.globalresearch.ca/index.php?context=va&aid=8330

[avicenna]

I have formed a hypothesis of my own after observing people who seemed to have everything in control and going for them, and then they are caught doing something that makes no sense when evalutating the risk/benefit ratio of the self-destr­uctive/com­promising behaviour. There is definitely a gender difference. Very successful women - typical over-achievers who seem to have what others covet - don't go out and engage in illicit sex-acts - but they have this cumpulsion to shop-lift. Often what they shop-lift is of very little - even trivial - value. I've witnessed doctors do this - one that I was particularly fascintated with was an extremely bright, engaging, socially and morally motivated young doctor who would enter a store - pay for all the big purchases - and then pocket a pack of gum. She did this until the security guard confronted her. This nonsensical behaviour is also found in gay men - and it appears to be tied to the reward circuitry of the brain. Many of these people have tightly controlled anxiety - and for some reason this type of behaviour serves as an outlet. For over-achieving men, it is risky sex - but sex without attachment - almost as trivial as the pack of gum. This is, of course, just a sub-set of people - but the puzzling and shocking behaviour is repeated often enough in a pattern that it is something that has started to intrigue me.

[Chazzbird]

I hate to see what shit his kids will have to take in school!
Truth of the matter is when you are the patriarch of a very visible
family like that and you choose to make a career out of public life, to
borrow from legal language you " owe a duty," to your family to protect and honor them and their sanctity.

The Spitzer just cared about getting his rocks off and this supposedly
savvy ex-bulldog prosecutor wasn't either thoughtful or smart enough to
at least make sure his tracks were covered. Regardless of who was really
out to get him and I'm sure there were many, he left the barn door open
for the hogs to feed at the trough.

And just think the 80k he BLEW on a HANDdful of orgasms, with what Dad
would call some "Little Pitzela," could have built someone a modest
home in many parts of this country.

And let's examine, for a moment, what being a"prosecutor" has come to mean in our system . Though I must credit Spitzer for his Wall Street and corporate busts, the typical prosecutor is known for having no real sense of justice beyond their own self-advancement.

A lifelong friend and very sober and thoughtful Cat, cited his own situation of being framed as the culprit in a purse snatching case in a Hollywood Super Market back in '71. At his arraignment, from his spot at the defense table he was able to clearly over hear the arresting officer tell the DA something to the effect: "We are convinced that Mr. G----- is not responsible for this crime. The DA responded: " That might be right but we have enough to convict him on so we are going ahead with it!"
This Rat Bastard was willing to take a kid no more than about 24 years old and throw him to the wolves, taint him with a prison record and likely make the conduct of the rest of his young life a helluva lot more difficult in exchange for a stinkin' feather in his (the DA's) freakin' cap.

Elliot Spitzer just isn't much different! He's lucky his wife hasn't done a second circumcision, Lorena Bobbitt style on him!

[sklfcats]

Who cares. Hope Silda is lawyered up. :)

[MagisterLudi]

As some French dadaist said: " Why ride a white horse if you're not a liar."

[dora rice]

why? simple . Because he thought he was smarter than everybody else. When to many people kiss your butt, you just get to big for your pritches. A fact. Besides what he lusted after, was no small change. The cream of the crop for sale. Maybe he saw the death of his marriage in his wife's eyes. You be surprised what you can see in someone's eyes.

[Nobrun]

Not simple. You should have used 'maybe' at the beginning of all your sentences. Other men, and some women, who are nothing like Spitzer, have done the same.

[WilliePilgrim]

Anyone else getting the message here that we really need to get rid of these archaic morality laws? They really are going to bite us on the backside over and over. And we could start with the ridiculous proposition that as someone who earns money we are required to report to some govenrment agency who has to power to investigate how we spend our money. It's none of the governement's business.

[fisharefreinds]

Reaction Formation! I really liked that one, I have that problem too, especially with my kids!
Could it be that he was very horny and that was all? That a prostitute was a way for someone in his position could get it without mess? What's so wrong with him?
I am not going to even dare to judge someone till I've walked a mile in his boots.
This was a very good man who was getting ready to attempt taking on the banks and bringing back some form of financial regulation considering the mess presently erupting. Cuomo better watch out cause he may be next.
Remember the FBI has not done one thing since J. Edgar Hoover that is of any consequence for the American people. They were a joke at 9/11, a joke in Oklahoma. Hoover taught them only how to run a sex sting operation on politicians, and leaders that voiced views contraindicative to the money changers objectives. That Spitzer lost his shirt without thinking twice is really sad!

[kcnativnla]

"Why?"

Only a woman would ask "why" a man, married 20 years to the same woman would, in this society risk everything to have sex with a hot, hot (did I mention hot), talented, intelligent (contrary to media's attempts to label her otherwise), creative, spirited, energetic, 24 year old woman.

Are you really that clueless? Men have sold their souls for less. I'm not arguing for it, or even saying that it's not dumb, irresponsible and reckless. I'm just saying, as a man, I understand.

[LRM216]

So do I, and I'm a woman; however, it still does not make his actions any less reprehensible in that he was a husband, father and the Governor of NY.

[BrianT]

Americans deserve to be fleeced out of their pensions and jobs. This guy was literally the only public figure attempting to do ANYTHING about what is happening to the USA. As the USA becomes a glorified Argentina eventually possibly some Americans might wake up and give up this infantile obsession with everybody else's sex life (maybe).

[kcnativnla]

I agree completely. However, the question was "why". So, I responded. As I wrote in closing:

"I'm not arguing for it, or even saying that it's not dumb, irresponsible and reckless..­."

...but I understand. As I've told my wife honestly, every married man would sleep with other women if their wives allowed it - without conscience and without guilt. The threat of hurting my wife and ruining my family is the only thing keeping me faithful. The ONLY thing. And every man, if he's honest, will agree. We are faithful as long as the consequences are unbearable, not because we stop wanting to sleep around once we get married. Apparently, Spitzer assessed the consequences, and the thought of ruining his family was less important than the feeling he was getting sleeping with this 24 year old beauty. That's "why".

[yareallygotmegoin]

Silda is FOXEY! Her name even evokes FOXEY! Plain and simple.Tha­ts the obsession by the media, young fox Vs. mature fox

[SamThornton]

Purely by coincidence, I read this morning this line from James Lee Burke's "In the Electric Mist With Confederate Dead"

"To apply some form of forensic psychology in attempting to understand how [sociopaths] think is as productive as placing your head inside a microwave oven in order to study the nature of electricit­y."

[DrJimmy]

All of the above or maybe just maybe his marriage sucked! Maybe just maybe the lack of love, passion, lust, sexuality etc in his marriage made him look for basic human needs somewhere else. I'm not saying this is what happened but not one person has said maybe their marriage was dead physically and emotionally. If that was the case he should have just left.....b­ut I think there are other possibilities than he's just a monster.

I know I will get hate responses for this

[JhNyc]

"He won a landslide victory in New York because the voters believed that both he and his marriage were nearly perfect - certainly incorrupti­ble."

I am hardly the only New York voter who never had a single thought about the state of Eliot Spitzer's marriage. Any adult who views another adult as "nearly perfect" is childishly naive. We did, in fact, know well of many of Spitzer's flaws. Abrasiive, obnoxious, and, yes, even sometimes cruel. We did know that, and we wanted him anyway -- at least until he committed the unpardonable sin of trying to find a way to document the many thousands of undocumented people living and working in New York. So when he was caught paying for sex, people had already cooled to him. He needed to resign and he did. He's gone. We can moralize another week or so and then its back to business as usual in Albany and on Wall Street. Are we relieved about that?

[jettexx2000]

sister, you nailed it..and i thought the same thing exactly two days while driving in my car -- it's more fun being the pedal heavy speeder than the avenging cop..i think that's what eliot came to believe..i­'m doing all this crusading, but i can't get no satisfacti­on..actual­ly, eliot's symptons were visible well before this hooker bust..he has an excessive cruel streak, and his sadism spilled over into his personal life..he betrayed himself and his family..

[mimsnpips]

An excellent analysis from my 'sidewalk shrink' perspective. And I've been saying the same thing about HC for some time now. Thx for the excellent post!

[Annoula]

EXACTLY RIGHT! Hillary is as driven and ruthless as Spitzer, albeit a bit less horny.!
She just channels her cruelty by diminishing others, especially all her rivals, whether they are bimbos like Paula Jones, scholars like Samantha Power or her political oponents because people find more appealing (e.g. Obama, Edwards, etc.)
And there is considerable Reaction Formation in her behavior. As when she yells "Shame on you, Barack Obama!" and then uses the most shameless Rovian justification to claim victory in Florida, among other things.