He hugged me when I walked in the back door and found him unexpectedly standing in my kitchen. Unlike so many of my 18-year-old son's friends, who've crossed that invisible line into manhood where it's not considered cool.
Because he and my son had drifted apart, I had not seen him in awhile. I knew he had barely finished high school because, like so many young people these days, there wasn't much there for him. He wasn't college-bound, wasn't into theater or band or sports. He had never quite fit in.
So I asked him what he'd been up to, this tall boy with the sweet smile.
"I joined the Army," he said quietly. "So I'm trying to go around and say good-bye to everybody."
When he told me this I tried not to gasp.
Not quite two weeks ago my son walked across a stage and accepted his high-school diploma. A few days before that his friend boarded a plane for Fort Benning, Georgia, to begin basic training.
Two young men. Two paths. It could have been so different.
At five years and counting, we still don't know much about the tragic price of the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. How many soldiers will die or to put a face on it, how many like the 20-year-old female Marine who brought a stuffed animal with her to Iraq and was killed last week, will never live to see 21. We also don't know how many will come home severely depressed or suffering Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Or how many will be plagued by traumatic brain injuries, though the recent Rand study gave us a pretty good idea with its staggering estimate of some 320,000 veterans battling the condition.
As if that weren't enough there's a related horror for this generation of soldiers to fear. According to new U.S. Army estimates, soldiers in Iraq are trying to kill themselves at a rate of five a day. The trend is so alarming that at a recent gathering of the American Psychiatric Association, the head of the National Institute of Mental Health warned: "It's quite possible that the suicides and psychiatric mortality of this war could trump the combat deaths."
Yet one thing we do know is this: we have turned the armed forces into the largest vocational training school for young people in the country. What other educational enterprise regularly fields slick, direct-mail pitches to potential recruits with promises of cars, cash, and college tuition? Not long ago I went to the mailbox and, lo and behold, there was one from the Marines for my son. Like the other pitches he's received, I tossed this one out.
But some young people aren't so lucky. They don't have a parent looking out for them or they don't have great options. The military counts on this. With both wars in Iraq and Afghanistan continuing indefinitely, the Army intends to add 65,000 troops by 2010. That's a lot of bodies to dredge up. Is it any wonder that the military was recently caught granting waivers to felons? Or that the majority of new recruits come from families earning less than $60,000 a year?
This is why my son's friend signed on to become a combat medic. Not because he had a passion for war or wanted to fight terrorism or because his father had been an Army Ranger and so the service was in his blood.
His parents were divorced and he lived in a modest apartment with his father. His father ran a small car-detailing business and barely got by.
No, he enlisted in the Army because he was lost. He enlisted because in an economy with few good-paying jobs and little opportunity it was the best future he could envision for himself.
"I applied to be a fire paramedic but they're not taking anyone under 22," he said that afternoon in my kitchen.
After completing his medic training, he said the Army would be shipping him to Alaska or Germany. "Or I might be deployed to Iraq," he said after a pause. "I hope not. I'm really scared of IEDs."
That afternoon his twin sister had come with him. "I am really going to miss him," she kept saying. Her brother kept mentioning the pending date too, as if he couldn't quite fathom it.
This is part of the problem too, and why most Americans have been so thoroughly removed from the realities of the war. Most of us don't have sons or daughters in Iraq or Afghanistan. Most of us haven't had to watch our children wrestle with an impossible decision: a dead-end job at home or a potential career path through the armed forces. Or worse.
When my son walked across the stage to accept his diploma, I reminded myself of this. Then I thought of a tall sweet boy going through another ritual a few thousand miles away. And how it could have been different for him.
Follow Mona Gable on Twitter: www.twitter.com/monalg
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Re: Or that the majority of new recruits come from families earning less than $60,000 a year?
I would guess it has something to do with the median family income in the US being around $48,000, according to the most recent figures.
I admit, however, it is a tragedy that more young adults don't have overbearing parents who can make all of life's hard decisions for them. Perhaps the government could do something about that--raise the age of consent for marriage, contracts, the military, alcohol, etc. I understand the military accepts recruits to around age 35 or so. Raising all those things to age 40 ought to be sufficient to prevent useful indiscretions.
Odd. I enlisted and graduated. My parents could have afforded to send me to college but I chose to go into the military first. I spent 6 years in the Navy, got out and went to school while enlisted in National Guard. Graduated in three years and started on my MA. I'm currently in the Army Reserves, work a decent job in R&D, have a family, home, two cars, and a bunch of pets.
So your discriminatory stereotypes fit me how exactly?
im a former marine. i joined up in peacetime. i joined for college money, a chance to see far off places, and to learn how to fix aircraft. the author isn't saying that military service is itself bad or good. when a government treats its service personnel with respect and provides the true support and resources they need, the military can be great. but when it is mismanaged by people who don't even care, the soldiers, sailors, marines, airmen, etc suffer for it. i believe her point was that there is a big tilt in terms of who serves and who doesn't. statistically speaking, a majority of enlisted servicemembers are broke, have kids, and/or other responsibilities and no training to pay for it all. does that mean people from more financially secure families (like mine) don't join the service? no, it doesn't. not at all, it just means that those persons are the exceptions and not the rule.
Please past to the young man that has chosen service to our nation that we are in his debt and owe him gratitude. What an honorable young man.
But apparently the wrong choice according to the author.
My bosses nephew joined the Army, made Ranger and has served on many special ops missions in Iraq. He did so because he loves America and felt a duty to defend her. He is proud to serve, and doesn't see his enlistment as the fault of the economy or any politician. His is proud of his enlistment and I am proud of him.
God bless America and the servicemen fighting and dying for our freedom.
Few good paying jobs? For what? Ditch diggers? Go join the fricking police force, make a 6 figure salary and get 80% salary for life in retirement. Give me a break.
Did Limbaugh wake you from your 'full 12 hours" to logon and harass patriots?
I'd be pissed too!
Yeah, because those cops are just draining the treasury down! Oh wait, they are making, on average, around $40-50 thousand dollars per year. Wait, that's not six figures! That's only FIVE figures! And in most metro areas, it's not enough to raise a family on!
To imply that people join the service because they are lost just makes me feel sick to my stomach. While some do go lost, most find themselves. Just liek ib college or members of the Peac Corp.
I went to Annapolis in 1972 from south central, thanks to Senator Tunney. Each member of my family (male and female) served in some branch and so did my wife.I felt then and now that it was an honor to be allowed to serve. After leaving the service my sister joined the Peace Corp. She still stated she did more good in the Air Force than in the Peace Corp. Everyone in my family is an Obama supporter and lifetime Democrat, but we also hope our kids to serve in the way we expect them to go o college.
It is not an either/or it is about what are you willing to do so that others and you an enjoy certain privileges. I have never disparaged anyone for not joining the service, nor supported the Iraq war but what is being written by someone who does expect her family to know the meaning of serving others.
Thanks for setting the record straight. Nobody ever came up to me in Bancroft Hall and asked me about my motives or my socio-economic status. I too happen to have come from inner city, ( NYC)
Amazing how misunderstood we liberal Democrat ex-Navy folks can be, huh?
Non sibi.
From your 28th Company shipmate.
As if all HS grads are so sure of themselves. As if college studnts do not join ROTC. As if all the returning vets from WW2 did not use the GIBill for vocational advancement. College aint for everyone lady. One thing is for damn sure, that boy will learn more about life, teamwork, and leadership after basic trainning tham most students know after they get thier PhDs.
He could go full time for 20 years retire at 38, then start a private career retire at 58, and be able to draw on two reitrements before he is 60, let alone SS at 65/67. How many college only grads can retire comfotably before 60? None that I know of.
your name defines the lofty ideas of military life
The Bush plan: impoverish America so that everyone will have no choice but to join the military. Looks like it's working. Bush is a genius.
Some writers suggest that serving in the military is a fine and noble thing, and maybe it is. But if it is, why are so very few young people joining? Why are large inducements needed to convince some to join? Whay have so few people named Bush doing it?
Because the war is wrong, ruinous, and illegal! That's why so few people are joining!
Read these comments and wonder why it is our nation is at war. We are at war in Iraq because war is the expression of empire. That young men and women have to die for the sake of this empire is a crime we visit upon ourselves. I saw this same tragedy from a different angle. One after another my daughter’s high school boyfriends pretty much all ended up joining the service. Some looked forward to it; others saw it as their only chance out of the void that was their place in a ruinous economy. This story is an old one and will be repeated again and again, until people finally come to grips with the necessity of peace. The result of war never changes. Young people are transformed by it and are for the rest of their lives defined by the experience. Service to ones country is a noble and decent thing, none of us have the right to make light of that. The thing that seems forgotten is the wastage of our future by the evils of the present, misguided and criminal war continuing to fester for no good reason other than political expediency and greed. The blame lies in two places, one at the doorstep of George Bush and Dick Cheney, and two, in the culture we continue to embrace that venerates war and its prosecution that denies the human cost is worthy of concern.
The Neoliberal plan for the U.S. was the sytematic elimination of manufacturing jobs in order to increase troop levels via "Economic Conscription".
This is the plan for your children, either you are lucky enough to be wealthy or you die guarding global Lily Pads.
America is being touted as the "Land of Opportunity", "Land of the Free" when in reality it's the "Land of the Predatory Capitalists" Congress is nothing more than a pack of opportunistic weasels, incapable of critical thought and obsessed with group-chanting failed neo-classic economics and circle-jerking over "empire" that has already started collapsing. The U.S. media are the floor salesman for Robber Barons.
If this were truly the land of Jefferson, Madison, Franklin the GOP would be doing hard time in Gitmo instead of innocent goat farmers and taxi-drivers.
"No, he enlisted in the Army because he was lost." Possibly.
The one subject that you hear the least talked about amongst enlisted folks is " why did you join?" It is considered a very private subject. People join the Armed Forces for a suprizingly wide range of reasons, yet most at some point in their career come to realize that service to the country is really important and valuable. And service personnel really, really do not like civilians feeling sorry for them.
The author seems to bemoan the fate of this "lost" boy, but the guilt of her sons' success seems to be the point of the article.
Ms. Gable,
In 1980, I found myself in somewhat of a similar position as the boy with the "sweet smile." The difference is, I had just finished an MBA program from the College of William & Mary. The economy was still slow, so I thought it might be a good idea to provide a few years of service to the United States Navy in return for all the wonderful benefits that living in this great country provides.
Twenty-five years later, I retired with a comfortable pension and a lifetime's worth of memories. And, seeing the world is really worth it.
You might want to thank the men and women of the armed services who provide you with the opportunity to bemoan the fact that some people join the military to better themselves.
Ms. Gable,
I have to say I totally disagree with you and your article. Every Person chooses to do things for a reason. The military is not perfect, but it has been around since our country's founding and has relied on kids like this young man to continue to safeguard our Freedom. The military is not Republican or Democrat, it serves at the Presidents will and this has been the case throughout our history. There have been both good and bad Presidents that have lead the military, but your opinion on leadership should not guide your opinion on the military. Every time I see one of these young men or women in an airport, I tell them how proud I am of them, and they respond with a high degree of respect. As Colin Powell has stated, he was a "C" student in high school, and college with no direction in his life until he found ROTC. He broke color barriers etc. to prove that the military can give something to those wayward people looking for direction.
That's great for some, but what is important here is that young people are being forced to make a life decision based on a lack of alternatives and without any life experience to gauge that decision. Because of the tremendous cost of human lives that war requires, recruiters have been forced to take advantage of the ignorance and lack of wisdom that comes with being young and of being from a poor background. Of course, when we encounter anyone putting their life on the line for us for whatever reason, we give them the respect this deserves whether we agree with the mission or not.
These wars were waged for a reason. And subsequently, our nation's economy was flushed down the toilet to fortify that reason.
There was no need to launch "wars" in multiple countries to capture a few terrorists. Our government and defense agencies had the intelligence. They knew who they were and where they were. And our government/military had adequate special forces to get the job done effectively and efficiently with minimal collateral, but that means would not have suited "their" ends.
Study economics, marketing and sociology. You'll gain a different perspective of how our country's military institution is being misused by this current administration. This education is also the reason our current administration and Senator McCain is AGAINST increasing servicemen's educational benefits. With that knowledge, these servicemen and veterans would no longer allow themselves to be exploited.
And yet, when the civilian leadership tells you to go fight a war a particular way, you do it that particular way. I don't know if you ever served, but one of the things that is pointed out CONSTANTLY is that the military serves the PEOPLE of the USA, and since the will of the people is expressed through the President, you obey him!
Now then, if the idiot who currently holds that title orders us to go to war in Iran, I hope and pray that for the first time in our history we have a widespread mutiny. As much as that thought scares me, it's better than the alternative!
Excellent post !!!
That really does show the division happening in our country with so few choices/opportunities available to so many young men and women today.
It's as if the government is breeding it's own army for their own wars through the continued downward dying of the middle class. I often wonder why the protest is not stronger as in the Viet Nam War but then at that time we had a stronger middle class ,along with more choices and a draft that directly affected that middle class.
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