How I dress affects the conversations I have. A
black, tight, severely
cut
dress makes me feel grown-up and confidant. It
enables me to access
the
part of myself that is a demanding and sexually
experienced woman. I
become
conscious of how I move and how my posture has to be
upright or I'll
look
like a slob in a too tight dress.
At a 4th of July BBQ I saw a darkly beautiful girl,
seven or eight
months
pregnant in the cutest dress - a vintage-y red, white
and blue print
with
white crochet embellishments. It looked like
something she lovingly
made
herself, like what I sometimes crochet while watching
movies with my
daughter.
As I sat at a table with three attractive men, all
married or in
serious
relationships, we noticed a
woman bent over, talking to someone in the pool. There
it was, at least
5
inches of butt-crack. All
the guys went crazy. It didn't matter that she was a
woman in her
late
forties, a professional and friends with all these
men. For a few
seconds
she made them forget anything but the sight that
filled their
imaginations.
Men react to what women wear. And no matter how old
or how young the
woman
is who draws their attention,the reaction is always
primal and sexual.
With
the right clothing, any woman can get men to break out
in giggles and
admiring stares.
While wearing a high-necked black top, with a tight
skirt slit in the
back,
I walked past a car and three
very young men all yelled: "Hey, you drop dead
gorgeous, sexy
lady," with
whistles and all. When I
got this in my twenties I didn't know my boundaries,
and this kind of attention seemed threatening and dangerous. Now I can
take the
compliments
with a graceful smile.
Not long ago a gorgeous surfer-boy, with sun-bleached
messy hair and
blazing
blue eyes, leaned over at a red light and gestured for
me to roll down
my
window. I wore a turquois Monah Li slipdress with a
t-shirt, that I had turned into a corsett-like
cardigan. He said, "I know this is crazy, but you are
so
beautiful
I have to meet you." I was intrigued and took his
card. A few days
later I
called him (even though I have been in an exciting and
challenging
relationship for 12 years with a man that does not
leave me with those
empty
spaces that would make me even consider hooking up
with someone else).
I
asked him what he was doing at the moment and he said,
"Just hanging
out
with my buddies at the mall, playing video games, just
hanging."
That's
when I realized we probably would not have much to say
to each other.
I
tried to set him up with one of my younger girl
friends, but he was not
interested.
I am not, by any definition, a classic model-type
woman. I never was.
But
these compliments and
interactions remind me, as a woman over 40, that the
way I hold my
posture,
the way I maneuver my body, and the way I interact
with my environment
makes
others feel safe and confident. I look like I have my
shit together.
Women, who have found their style and dress to please
themselves, seem
relaxed and assured in the
way they move around in the world. They convey
security and
excitement, not
uneasy drama. We all
crave their company.
I want women over 40 to realize the power that they
have gained by
acquiring
wrinkles and wisdom. My mother is in her early
seventies and she
still has
it. She has retained just enough girlishness to add a
playful
vulnerability.
Men are drawn to her charm and confidence, and would
not hesitate to
throw
their coats over a puddle so she could cross without
getting her feet
wet.
My mother is far from
invisible, which is so often a sad part of aging. My
grandmother had
male
admirers until the day she died.
Recently, in a seminar about "Understanding Man," I
listened to men
of all
ages and backgrounds describe their experience with
women. All of them
admitted without a doubt that a man's life is
heart-wrenchingly bleak, desolate, crippling and
lonely without female
energy. A woman, of any age,
brings out the better sides of men, sustaining them
and feeding their
life
force.
Woman who truly believe this do not try to dress like
their daughters
or
behave like naïve girls who do not know who they are.
They have the
ability
to be impressed by a man's accomplishments. The
physical vitality and
adventurousness of a much younger women pales against
this inner
certainty
and poise.