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Monique Honaman Headshot

Can We Assume It's Temporary Insanity?

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I'm frustrated. Actually -- I'm in disbelief and amazement. Do men just lose their minds? Do they experience a form of temporary insanity when they decide to leave their wives?

I'm not trying to bash men. Those of you who know my writing style know that I am very even-keeled. I get frustrated with women just as much as I get frustrated with men (remember this post?). My recent experience just happens to be with men, so bear with me!

Around about the same time I got divorced, three other women I know also got divorced. Their husbands each had an affair. We joked -- sadly -- that it must have been something in the water. Each of these men quickly married the other women. They "loved" the other women. These women were their "soul-mates." The women made them feel things they had "never felt before." As it turns out, all three are already divorced. All three cheated on their new wives after less than five years of marriage.

Seriously? My first worry is for the eight children who have now faced divorce twice in recent years. All of them are still under the age of 18 and in their formative years. My second thought is, "Ladies, seriously, if he cheated on his wife already once with you, what made you think he wouldn't be capable of cheating again on you?" Talk about karma!

There are another three men I know who were all recently discovered to be cheating on their wives. All were viewed in the community as upstanding, honorable men with positions of power and influence. One worked in local government, one was a successful entrepreneur and one worked in wealth management. All were vocal about their moral values and personal codes of conduct. They used words like integrity, honor, perseverance and self-control to describe themselves.

One went from leading a men's accountability group one week to defaulting on the mortgage the next week. Another went from teaching young kids the value of integrity to lying to his wife about where he had gone after work. The third had a conversation with his wife about their joint financial goals and plans and then took money from their joint accounts and stockpiled it in individual off-shore accounts.

This is where my presumption of temporary insanity comes into play. How can a man who always preached to his children the values of integrity suddenly lie and cheat on their mother? How can a man who values self-control suddenly lose control, have multiple affairs and go on spending sprees that take the family into bankruptcy? How can a man who teaches his kids the values of marriage and the sanctity of living together only after marriage, suddenly move in with his girlfriend and her kids much to the detriment of his own children?

This is role modeling for our children? It's no wonder kids roll their eyes and ignore parents today! We are raising a generation of children who are watching their parents preach one thing, then go out and do something entirely different. This is the epitome of "do what I say, not what I do." Kids are smart, and the hypocrisy being demonstrated by so many of their parents is not inconsequential.

I have no answers -- just musings. Temporary insanity? I hope so, because I really honestly and truly hope that these people are able to look back and says, "oops... what a major mistake," and then apologize, get back on track with their children and begin to act how a parent should act -- role modeling the integrity, honor, perseverance and self-control they once used to describe themselves.

What do you think?