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Can Women Have It All? Define 'All'

Posted: 11/04/11 02:02 PM ET

We were sitting at Joanne's apartment the other day going over our plans for this year's Women Entrepreneurs Festival.

Our conversation eventually turned, as it does when women meet to talk about business, to our kids. And then we both had seen something in the paper we thought was the saddest thing we ever read. Somewhere in all the mostly justified and some over-the-top tributes to Steve Jobs was this statement. When asked why after a lifetime of refusing all comers, he had asked Walter Isaacson to write his biography and spent 40 hours in interviews. He said he wanted his kids to know him and why he did what he did. Among other things, you might wonder why he didn't just spend those 40 hours with his kids. We both thought if that were us, we'd consider our lives a total failure.

More Magazine just came out saying that women seem to be less ambitious than they were ten years ago. That's the headline. The story reveals that they value their time as much as money. You may not make partner if you say you want to go to your kids' Halloween parade or be home in time for dinner. And you may not be one of the masters of the universe at a too-big-to-fail financial institution. But, because of the infrastructure of technology, you may be able to start-up your own business. Make a difference. Have a balanced life. Define what it means to have it all on your own terms.

This is the second year we've put on the Women Entrepreneurs (WE) Festival, under the auspices of the Interactive Telecommunications Program (ITP) where Nancy teaches. Our goal has been to celebrate the blooming and booming in start-ups in New York and around the country founded and run by women. And we also want to create a forum for women already in the game to connect with pre-entrepreneurs, including students. We know from studies that one key differentiator between men and women entrepreneurs is that women needed more encouragement to take the leap. We thought -- and we still think -- that some of that is due to the fact that men have such pervasive networks that they are, like air, invisible. First, there's the network of just being male. VC funding of companies started by women is around 2% of their total investments. We designed the WE Festival to promote what we really wanted to happen: that the participants would stay in touch, create their own close-knit network. And that worked beyond our dreams. They have been in constant contact on a list serve, have helped each other find lawyers, programmers, interface designers. And have offered numerous "Atta Girls" when a business was launched (close to 10 since last year) babies, and other important life milestones were celebrated.

This year's WE Festival's theme is "Making It." There are six panels with five entrepreneurs on each: taste makers, change makers, community makers, knowledge makers, makers of stuff, art makers. The women range in age from mid-twenties to mid-sixties. Some have left the financial services world to do something on their own. We have noticed a thread that seems to weave through all the women-owned businesses that we have considered, whether it's a filmmaker using a documentary as a platform to launch education programs and activism (Jane Wells, 3Generations) or a designer launching an online market for well-designed products for the aging and disabled (Susy Korb, OMHU).

The thread is, indeed, very womanly: taking care of others, saving time, lightening the load of chores, making room for delight. In this way today's entrepreneurs follow in the footsteps of women inventors of the past. Not surprisingly, women invented the cooking stove, refrigerator, dishwasher and ironing board. But also Kevlar, the Apgar test, circular saw, Scotchgard, fire escapes, liquid paper, the windshield wiper, the life raft, and the first software for computing. One also developed a self-cleaning house, but it has never received a patent. We're waiting for that one!

When putting together this year's panel, we were looking for disruptive businesses. The best example is our keynote speaker, Arianna Huffington, who has caused a seismic shift in journalism. Others may not be as public or earthshaking, but they are doing business in a different way. Jennifer Hyman, founder of Rent the Runway, enables women to rent designer clothes for fancy occasions, so you don't have to spend a bundle on something you wear once. Like men rent tuxes. Erin Newkirk, founder of Red Stamp, dedicated to 'elevating everyday correspondence with style and grace.' In other words, classic stationery and invitations in an email world. Edwina vonGal, a successful landscape designer who brought her considerable skills into the dying Azuero Peninsula in Panama to help educate locals about the importance of preserving their land, to developers about sustainable development -- it's a slow process, but where there was desert, plants are growing again. These are just a few who will be joining us at the WE Festival this January. There's also an investor's panel -- all women.

In the past, women had a dilemma that no man really had. Have a career or a family. Margaret Mead said in a famous interview with James Baldwin decades ago, "Wouldn't it be strange to hear a man say, 'I want to be a doctor, unless I get married and have children'?" What we hope to inspire with the WE Festival are groups of women at all stages of their careers and in all their roles who can define clearly what they want in their lives, find and follow their passions, design a structure around them that allows for both a rich career and family life -- strike out on their own, with a little help from their networks. And leave time for an occasional morning chat with a friend over coffee.

Nancy Hechinger teaches at the Interactive Telecommunications Program (ITP) at the Tisch School of the Arts, New York University.
Joanne Wilson is the author of the blog, Gotham Gal.
The Women Entrepreneurs Festival will be held in New York City at ITP, January 17 & 18, 2012. Space is limited. Applications are open until November 11, 2011. (itp.nyu.edu/we/2012)

 
 
 
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abhorson
in favor of legalized bar fighting
02:14 PM on 11/07/2011
is this one of those games that never has an answer and everyone just keeps theorizing over how it's "supposed" to go ?
07:31 PM on 11/06/2011
I think the most difficult part is looking around at work and seeing no one like me. I am raising 4 girls along with my husband. We both work professional, nonmanagerial jobs, and don't find anyone around us at our large fortune 500 companies doing the same.

I have worked for my company for almost 20 years and am so thankful for the benefits (i.e. just in case childcare backup plans, generous vacation and sick leave policies, flex time etc.), but still wonder how people manage it all, especially those with "regular" benefits.

It is so difficult meeting all the expectations (be there at preschool parties, be there for mid-day parent teacher conferences, be there for class projects, spend 2 hours a night on homework with kids etc.) but still put in at least "40 hours" face time at the office, source new business, and work in multiple times zones since, after all, the world is global!

Even the stongest among us need some assistance! And government policies work against us - high property taxes in NY, limits of 5k on childcare deductions, family leave of only 12 weeks (not including best rest if blessed with multiples) etc., graduated corporate health insurance benefits tied to income (so highest educated, best paid workers with exhorbitant daycare expenses pay the most etc.)

It is so time for policy changes,! It is not what you make, but what you "net" that counts"!
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abhorson
in favor of legalized bar fighting
02:11 PM on 11/07/2011
"seeing no one like me"

don't have to look too far ... we got 5 ( 3gals 2boys) ... worked in top Fortune ... then started own business (15 yrs going well)...

well too familiar with all those things you mention plus 100more on the business side..
06:08 PM on 11/06/2011
Loved your piece. Hadn't heard of your conference but very much looking forward to checking it out...and will be giving a TED talk next week on "Why Moms Make The Best Entrepreneurs." At least we're getting the word out...
11:41 AM on 11/06/2011
sitting at the park with my 3 yr old as we speak knowing exactly where I shld be...on my iPhone doing work with one eye up... worrying bc of the mounds of work I'll have to do once he's asleep tonight. stressful yes but I wouldn't have it ant other way. life asy mom would say, is just a series of choices.
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maori
10:22 AM on 11/06/2011
Thanks.

It's nice to hear at least someone taking this approach, because the message I'm getting from the world is that a person only gets one chance, and that no one over 30 should try to do anything new with their lives, ever, and should basically give up and stop trying. Especially if they're female. Even a lot of women seem to agree that only men (and the women they pick) should have choices.
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sylvialafair
08:40 PM on 11/04/2011
Excellent, thank you both. As I did research for my book "GUTSY: How Women Leaders Make Change" I was struck with the new balance we are in the process of defining. It is combining the CARE of the female gender with the DARE of the male. This goes back eons to how our ancestors were divided into hunters and gatherers and how our nervous systems put these roles into place.
I really believe that the Care/Dare model for both women and men will help us design a different system for work and home than exists now. I keep envisioning what that might be. The best I can come up with is that more and more women (and yes, many men) are saying "no" to the still rigid structure of our working day. We are in the in-between stage, the old order no longer works and the new is still being designed. What an exciting time to be a woman who dares at work and cares at home, not willing to give one up for the other. As we all embrace the care/dare model we will change the way we think, feel, and act. Maybe that is what wholeness is all about, blending the two sides of ourselves.
Sylvia Lafair author "Don't Bring It to Work: Breaking the Family Patterns that Limit Success"
01:18 PM on 11/22/2011
I may be one of those odd ones that came up with a "new" kind of balance. I'm a single mom in a traditional job, but in a male-dominated profession. I made do with help from my parents, friends and daycare, then my son lived with his dad during his school years, due to my financial situation. To this day, I'm envious of women who have flexible workplaces that allow them family time; however, in those more progressive environments, lots of mothers use it to their advantage to the point of abuse for the rest of us, which makes our overall challenge of being treated equal and fairly even more difficult. I'd like those women to understand what kinds of sacrifices others before them have gone through, so they'll appreciate what they do have without abusing it.
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sylvialafair
02:17 PM on 11/22/2011
Your comment is important. If we are really going to make change happen we do need to think about those who are working with more restraints and honor that. Any abuse to "flex time" and new ways will hinder the benefits for everyone. Sometimes we forget how hard it is for those around us. You are an example of a GUTSY woman!
Sylvia
05:02 PM on 11/04/2011
What a sad state of affairs when women are apologizing for what they want. What we want is what men want -- happiness for our children --having it all is about realizing the blessings you have in your life and doing your best to celebrate them --- women need to believe they have it all by appreciating more about their life..today, women have the powerto do what they want-- what they need is the support of all women to attain their dreams!
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Tazirai
Society is not your friend.
03:47 PM on 11/04/2011
As a papa I enjoyed the article, and the fact that it didnt bash me. Thank you for that. I tried to raise my daughter that Family is ok. It should not be the end goal, Marriage is ok, it should not be what defines you. I want her to define herself as woman yes, but not be upset if her friends have 4 kids and she doesn't. The pressure placed on women to have kids, career, and marriage is more than ridiculous, that's why I say society is not our friend. For men it's as bad, it's get a career, start a family, provide security and comfort, but if you get divorced you also are a failure, and we're taking everything away from you.
Children should be raised to value others, and themselves, but they should not set the end goal at marriage and family, there's soo much more to life than that. Family is good, and provides security, but so are well meaning friends and associates.
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MissTake1989
Equal means equal, hypocrites.
03:03 PM on 11/04/2011
I am so disheartened by this type of thinking.

What happened to judging each individual as an individual, regardless of race, gender, etc.?

Instead, now, we are ok with stereotyping women as long as women are doing the stereotyping? "Women are better than men at X, Y and Z"

And in the same article as you decry men and their "networks of air" you "Atta Girl" women who do the same...?

Us vs. them and stereotypes based on gender...I thought that's what we were supposed to be fighting?
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abhorson
in favor of legalized bar fighting
02:20 PM on 11/07/2011
wow.... IF I understand you correctly (big "IF") you are pro-individualism ... against "feminism" since it is a "me-too'ism" kind of movement ... that it puts burdens and expectations which restrict individual "freedom" and (I'm adding this part) are in fact just COPIES of men's burdens and expectations.

IF I'm 'getting you' - then, life should just be enjoyed (success / failure et all) not by living up to someone else's expectations (including other women's) but by living your OWN life...

if I'm getting even close to "warm" ... then you're pretty bright...
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MissTake1989
Equal means equal, hypocrites.
06:35 AM on 11/08/2011
Well, I happen to know my IQ, and you are right.

Us vs. them is why old school feminism will fail and why new school feminism is a lie.

We have to stop.
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TerezaN
Entrepreneur, Blogger, Consultant and Mom
01:59 PM on 11/04/2011
So well written. What a child would do for 40 more minutes with dad....let alone 40 hours. Yes, women are wired differently. And the world needs that.