I have never liked roller coasters. If I had my choice (and yes, I'm admitting this out loud), I would choose Disneyland's "It's a Small World" over "Space Mountain." I much prefer smooth sailing to the nauseating drops that lift your stomach and potentially its contents up and out of your mouth. These drops, however, that plunge into the depths of the land of Disney are no match for the depths of despair one can feel when going through a divorce.
So why would I sign on the dotted line for the roller coaster ride of divorce, when I would never willingly get in line for an E-ticket ride? (For younger peeps that does not mean electronic ride!). But, I did, and there I was, face to face with the realization that I was to be a statistic.
Hi, I'm Nancy, and I'm divorced. This wasn't the type of personal branding I had envisioned. I truly wanted to grow old and have a big 50th wedding anniversary holding hands with the same person I knew in my twenties. The screenplay of my life was not following the script I had written in my mind.
Yogi Berra said, "It ain't over 'til it's over." When asked what he would want written on his tombstone when he dies, he said simply, "It's Over."
So how do we know when to write, "It's Over" on the tombstone of a relationship? For me, it was when we were sitting in our (third) therapist's office after 19 years of marriage and my husband said he didn't love me enough to try and make the changes necessary. Ouch. The tombstone had hit me over the head.
Blackout. End of final scene Act 1. End of marriage.
After all went black, I was able to see the light. We can love someone, but not be willing or able to do what's necessary to make things work. It hurts. It's frustrating. It's a fact.
I propose that we look at marriage like we should look at healthcare: taking a preventative approach, as opposed to waiting until something is wrong!
For starters, (while there are no guarantees) consider the following:
1) Know yourself really well, and know what you need and want from a partner, including how you need to be shown love, before becoming involved in a relationship.
2) Communicate the above in the very beginning so if they won't or can't provide those things, you don't find out 19 years later.
3) Have clear boundary lines and respect your partner's as well.
4) Discover how your partner needs to be shown love, and show them!
5) Show love, appreciation and respect for one another!
If it is already too late for preventative care, and you're considering pulling the plug, ask yourself this:
1) Can you live with things the way they are?
2) What is your role in the issues, and are you willing/able to do what's necessary to keep the relationship alive?
3) Are they willing and/or able to take responsibility for their part and make the necessary changes?
If for whatever reason things aren't going to change, then it seems there are two options: either you accept things as they are and live with them, or you don't and you move on.
Life is a combination of Adventureland, Fantasyland and Tomorrowland. We experience many adventures, some fantasies, and tomorrow is always a mystery. The ups and downs and unknown turns can be both scary and exciting, and when a marriage needs to end, it's normal to be afraid of where the ride will take us. But, as in Disneyland, we need to trust that if we hop on, buckle up, and keep our hands inside the vehicle, everyone will land safely.
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.