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Nancy Slotnick Headshot

You Never Don't Know

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"You never don't know" is what my mother-in-law says when she means "You never know." It must be said in a Polish accent with the conviction that only a Holocaust survivor could pull off while using a double negative. So by the theory of transitivity, "You never don't know" equals "You always know." I'm going with that theory. You always know.

If you can tap into your instincts, and distinguish them from anxiety, you always know. "Is he the One?" You know. "Should I have that opening line?" You know. "Should I write that email to reach out?" You know, but you don't always listen to your gut. You talk yourself out of it.
Do you expect greatness to come your way or mediocrity? Or disaster? Murphy's Law is more about Murphy than about a law of nature. I think Murphy attracted bad luck because he's always expecting bad luck and it feeds on itself. Of course if you want to attract good luck you have to do the work. There's plenty of good luck out there and it will come your way sooner or later. You just have to be prepared to seize your luck.

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Here's how: Let's say you're on a train traveling for the holidays, like I am right now. Let's say you're single and you secretly wish that the man of your dreams would sit next to you. You do hold out the hope for good luck. But you also dread the fat lady who talks your ear off or the crying baby that blocks the audio of Gossip Girl Season 2. Even though you've already seen it. You are tempted to just put your backpack up on the seat next to you, put on your headphones and go into "Do Not Disturb" mode. If you're lucky, then the train is not sold out and you will get two seats to yourself. But is that what you really want?
If you know that you want more, you may have to put your "Cablight" on, as I call it, and try to show that the seat is available for the right guy. There is a strategy you can employ. Put the backpack up as you scope the crowd passing by. Choose your target. He may not be your Brad Pitt, but pick the best one of the lot of train travelers with your mind's eye and start your training to attract what you want in life.

As he gets about two seats away from you, move the backpack and look up. Make eye contact. This will be hard. Be vulnerable for a second and make it visible to him in your eyes. Then look away and go back to Gossip Girl so he doesn't think you're a stalker and he knows that you aren't going to be annoyingly forward. Let him come to you. This should work if you do it right, with confidence and humility at the same time. It probably won't though. Law of averages.

But if it doesn't, get up and move seats. Why? Because you still have hope that there's a better guy in another car. Because you're willing to give up the comfort of a window seat near the café car for the chance of finding something better. Someone better. Like Deal or No Deal with the universe. You believe that the banker has something good in store for you in that briefcase and you're willing to take risks.

In the Harry Potter adventures, they say that the wizard doesn't choose the wand. The wand chooses the wizard. What it means to turn your Cablight on is that you have to be in an open mindset for the wand to find you. And even if it finds you, you'll have no idea how to use it unless you train. Train yourself to be bold and push past your comfort zone. And take the train. The only person you will meet if you're driving in your car is the toll-booth operator. Really?