I admit it: I'm a woman, I'm a mother and a wife, and I want to have it all.
This statement has become border-line sinful in the current debate re-ignited by Anne-Marie Slaughter's article in The Atlantic, which hinges on several questions: Do women really want it all? By having it all, will we be happy or just plain exhausted employees and guilty mothers? And is it fundamentally even possible, let alone desirable, to have it all at the same time?
In the barrage of follow-up commentary and media postulation on this topic, one country is repeatedly identified as a place where it's as good as it gets: Sweden.
Nine months ago, my husband received the honor of a lifetime when he was appointed the U.S. Ambassador to Sweden by President Barack Obama. I must state here that I do not speak for the U.S. government whatsoever, nor do I speak for Swedish women or Sweden in any form.
We arrived in Stockholm in the crisp darkness of November with our tantrum-ridden two-year-old daughter in tow. Despite the immense excitement and dreams of reaching out and making a difference, I also carried with me a biting anxiety: How was I going to balance this challenging new role while also being present at one of the most formative periods of my daughter's life? Could I be the supportive wife, inspired activist, dedicated supporter of the U.S. Embassy community, and perfect mother all at once?
It's been exciting to learn more about Sweden. This Scandinavian country of about nine million inhabitants has one of the most comprehensive and generous childcare policies in the world. Sweden boasts the highest number of working mothers in the workforce with 73 percent of women employed, just three percent below the male employment rate, according to the OECD.
There are more female Swedish Ministers in the national government than male, and even the Minister of Defense (a former Swedish Navy officer, specializing in aquatics) is a woman. Minister Karin Engstrom is only one of two female Ministers of Defense in Europe, the other being in Lithuania.
Essentially, a family has a baby and both parents are granted 16 months paid leave per child. At roughly two years old, the child is then eligible for basically free, high quality childcare, from 8 a.m. to 6 p.m., a full workday. The paternity leave can also be saved and used at anytime within an eight year period of the child's life, and can be parceled out. And yes, most men do take their full paternity leave. It is a badge of honor and largely non-negotiable within the marriage.
The Swedish culture is rooted in the concept of "lagom" -- which means "balance" and moderation. Time on the weekends, evenings and holidays is fiercely protected for family and the omnipresent Blackberry usually finds itself darkened and powerless during those periods. In America today, we are working harder and longer than ever with little reward. As a recent arrival to Sweden, I was surprised by how little Swedes email and text pertaining to professional matters on the weekend!
I find the young generation in Sweden is particularly committed to work-life balance, and the principle of not letting their work define their identity. This is also an American phenomenon. U.S. Millennials of both genders rank work-life balance a priority above pay when choosing a job, according to a CNN Money survey, and also have more evolved views on partnership within the home. In 2008, 56 percent of men said they do at least half the cooking, up from 34 percent in 1992 and 49 percent of men said they take most or an equal share of child care responsibilities, up from 41 percent in 1992, according to research the Families and Work Institute released in March 2009.
Finding a healthy balance in life is becoming more difficult in a tough job market and exceedingly competitive global economy. But for some, "balance" is not an option.
I grew up with a mother who didn't choose to "have it all" but was instead forced to do it all. My parents immigrated to Chicago from Poland with nothing and worked tirelessly to build a life for me. Perhaps having a mother who was largely absent from my childhood was part of the reason I decided to have a child in my mid-20s, even before I had firmly established my career. Coming of age in the 1990s, it was a given that I as a woman was equal to any man and deserved the same opportunities. I thought it would be easy to have both career and family. Almost four years later, I still struggle on a daily basis to have it all.
But I have found that for me, living in Sweden has brought me a little bit closer to personal equilibrium. Through initiatives of the U.S. Embassy in Stockholm that focus on promoting women's empowerment in business and leadership, I have been able to meet so many accomplished women, both Swedes and the inspiring females in the U.S. Foreign Service, who have given me incredible advice and who are, simply put, incredible professionals and people.
All of these women have taught me one thing: it's not the resources or government policies that advance women; it's developing your own life path and having the confidence to trust yourself and believe in your own decisions. Women's empowerment is not about having every opportunity; it's about having the right to choose and define your own way.
Yes, our daughter is enrolled in a Swedish daycare system and I have time to write, work and be very active. I recognize the unique privilege of that and am thankful for it every day, especially because I know what it's like to grow up with nothing. But it's finally finding my voice and discovering the courage to use it that has made my experience in Sweden so formative for me personally.
Sweden is certainly not perfect. Women's wages remain approximately 15 percent below those of men, according to the latest report in 2008 by the OECD. Some of my Swedish friends say women have a difficult time breaking into the highest echelons of the corporate world and the private sector. They say they feel that American women have truly been able to shatter the glass ceiling, and develop a more authentic leadership style where they're allowed to be assertive and demanding just like men.
There is a renewed focus on the working mother in American society today, and that's incredibly productive for the overall dialogue of women's empowerment. American principles and practices of openness, tolerance and a celebration of diversity propel women forward in a way that is not as pronounced anywhere else in the world. In the end, in both societies, America and Sweden, there are values, infrastructure and resources worthy of closer study and perhaps emulation when it comes to empowering women.
I'm so proud to be an American living in a foreign country, and I treasure the ability to convene strong women to continue this important dialogue. We will all never agree on the "having it all" debate." But let's agree it's the debate that really matters. Women speaking out, sharing their struggles and showing the younger generation that it's okay to falter and be frustrated, as long as you never give up on your dreams.
Follow Natalia Brzezinski on Twitter: www.twitter.com/@natalbrz
If only Huffie women could learn that point.
Too often I hear feminists complaining about women needing more resources or a change in government policies. It's about "developing your own life path and having the confidence to trust yourself and believe in your own decisions."
It's really that simple.
A lot have changed in Sweden since the mid early 80s. In many regards i personally think a major turning point that made Sweden to never be the same again was when Olof Palme was assassinated in 1986. I still to this day remember hearing it on the radio in the early morning hours. in the years following the murder a lot of things changed really quickly.
Glad you folks enjoyed the archipelago it is one of the best things about Sweden for sure. that and the nights in the summer where the sun hardly even goes down, ( just to allow the mosquitos more time to be active i guess :) )
Best regards,
Mathias Knutsson, Swede and proud father of four wonderful children
How many freeloaders born into generations of institutional poverty is the average Swedish taxpayer taking care of compared to the average US taxpayer?
as for your other question, you'd have do some research to see if there even are generations of freeloaders.
You couldn't achieve a balanced society if you tried. The world knows this now.
Like you folks say each and every day on hundreds of threads and blogs and emails..."we are not like you"...and you hold on to your guns with your cold, dead hands and harder still to your second amendment...and you cling to your non-healthcare system which allows 50K people die each year...and you cling to your "exceptionalism" which means that you are number way-way-down there...in terms of anything and everything social.
You're right...what has anything balanced have to do with the US? Absolutely nothing.
I'd be curious to visit sweden, since that's the place currently being fetishized by liberals as a socialist utopia. I suspect it's not quite the magical place it's being made out out to be.
Fascinating that while the whole world drowns in debt all liberals can talk about is all of the various ways they'd like to see more money spent. I wonder if this is how they manage their personal finances as well.
And why is it so shameful so democratically utilize one's assets and strengthen the economy? These sort of actions and policy's is partly what's made Sweden the admirable country it is today. And it is admirable; I can't help but saying it. Surveys have told us Sweden is the most democratic country, the most equal (gender) country, one of the best living standards etc. It's not flawless, naturally. But the perks outweighs the negative.
The Republican party Platform creates mote then 75 % of the debt both a yearly budge and national debt. Fox new has no facts and has supit0ty written all over it> N o Republican women are not good voters?!
Oddly enough, given the quota enforcement, Sweden has one the highest segregation workforces in the world. When given the choice men naturally gravitate towards technical and manual labor and women gravitate towards social labor. Sweden, "boasts," a higher standard of living but it is false. This figure is gathered by determining the median within Sweden, not without. Near poverty level in the US is the median standard of living in Sweden.
Sweden also boasts a high life expectancy, which is true. However, that extra 2 years isn't an extra 2 years as a fit 25 year old in their prime, it's feebly sucking down pills for those last 2 years bought from the state. The state cares for it's children and is everything to them, and in the end everything is returned to the state.
Face it ...the US days are overwith and to find out why...look in the mirror at who keeps voting the wrong people in office. Single payer medical care is why this country and 36 others are rated higher in medical care than the US. You know...the kind of medical care that your party uses all their energy to make sure it does not happen..
I got my morals from my parents and other adults in my family.
Municipal income taxes vary between 28-33%. If you earn more than 401000 SEK ($58000) you pay an additional 20% of your income above 401000 SEK in state income tax. Once your income reaches 574000 SEK ($83000) it goes up to 25% of any additional income. The average person gets to keep well over half of their income.
Merit means everything, quotas are rare.
The poverty level in the US for a household of four is for 2012 $22350 (154 000 SEK). In Swedish a household of two adults and two children the median disposable income (i.e. after tax) was in 2010 414 000 SEK which is around $60000. So no, the median standard of living is not "near poverty level in the US".
When someone dies "everything" goes to the heirs except when there is no will or any relative closer than first cousin then the estate goes to Allmäna arvsfonden, a fund set up to benefit children and people with disabilities.
Where did that guy even get his "facts", I wonder?
Best regards,
Mathias Knutsson
I think it was Phil Laak, pro poker player that said something along the lines that what money he earns etc that is the most precious thing for him is time. the time to do or not have to do certain things. being able to spend your time the way you want to spend it without having to worry about $$$ is a luxury and a great asset in life for most people.
Sure there are still long way to go before Sweden is perfect it still has problems but so does the USA have it is how we tackle those problems that is what matters If we set out to solve it so everyone gets a fair deal or if we just ignore the ill, sick, handicapped and less fortunate people. That is what defines a country. now how big the bank account of the richest person is it is how we take care of those that are where they are thru no fault of there own.
Best regards,
Mathias Knutsson
If you are sick, you don't wait. If you need a hip operation that can wait - well... you wait. JUST LIKE IN THE US.
Well, it is not worse than more than 3/4 of the Swedish population are from neutral to satisfied with the national health care system, which is also the most trusted of all national Swedish institutions. Thus I do not think that "characterized by" is a very good description as it suggests overwhelming negative features that most Swedes would find disturbing (and furthermore, it is not very clear whether the partly discontent is mostly due to high expectations or whether there are more serious reasons).
"Those with money often buy private insurances....in order to get treatment in time"?
Again, I believe, a tad to harsh a statement.
Naturally, most Swedes who buy private insurance do it on speculation as they cannot know on beforehand how well the national healthcare system will meet their future needs, including waiting times. True, the queuing for treatment is a recognized problem, but in many cases it reflects nothing more serious than a prioritization of treating more grave illnesses before less grave ones.
Naturally, the NHS may still be better...