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The Single Path

Posted: 03/06/11 11:51 AM ET

Love knows who we are and where we live. It needs no introductions. Our names were written in the book of love before we came to earth and will remain there forever after. No one comes to earth without the capacity to love, be loved and be transformed by love. No matter how many times love betrays us, hurts us or abandons us, something within us is more determined than ever to go to battle and win the coveted war -- love.

It is astounding to see the number of people taking such an active role in pursuing love. It has become a career path of sorts. Cyberspace has become the new playground for singles to meet and connect -- all from the comfort of home. Magazines and media bombard us with an endless stream of advice on dating and mating, finding and keeping, and all the other techniques and methods of forcing love to happen. Yes, forcing love to happen. The mystic and poet Kahlil Gibran reveals, "And think not you can guide the course of love. For love, if it finds you worthy, shall guide your course." Love is a mystery, not a methodology.

Love is a human obsession and nobody is more obsessed than a single person in search of the perfect one. When single people get together it is no surprise that the conversations always revolve around love and relationships. Being privy to these conversations myself, it has gotten my inner detective working over time. For example, if all of us have a complimentary half/soulmate -- where are they? Why are some people love magnets while others seem to end up in the desert Sahara? Is there a reason for all this and if so -- what is it?

I once heard a quote that intrigued me: "Being single is nature's way of forcing you to love yourself"-- this quote has so many layers of meaning and depth. I'll go one step further and say that being single is a profound opportunity for self realization. An opportunity to determine your worth and value, to define your boundaries of what is acceptable and what is not, to understand that the highest expression of love is to become more of who you are, to realize that love does not require you to compromise your self respect, dignity or self worth, to reflect on what you believed you had to give up in order to get what you thought was love, and to know the depth of your capacity to love deeply, truly and completely.

Being single is not a permanent condition but a preparation. You are in the most profound initiatory and adventurous phase of your life -- building a relationship with your soul. Be willing to stop moving, talking, planning, searching, looking. Instead honor and embrace the path you are on even if that means being alone for a while. Love will come at the appointed hour and whisk you off your feet, doubt not, for the divine person you are preparing for is also being prepared for you.

Finally, we do not decide when or how or who we fall in love with, because there is more to our journey to love than meets the eye. The wisdom of Rumi tells us: "Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it."

 
Love knows who we are and where we live. It needs no introductions. Our names were written in the book of love before we came to earth and will remain there forever after. No one comes to earth withou...
Love knows who we are and where we live. It needs no introductions. Our names were written in the book of love before we came to earth and will remain there forever after. No one comes to earth withou...
 
 
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05:51 PM on 03/08/2011
being single is a wonderful time if used to envision the myriad forms relationships can take, and be more prepared to Live them with confidence. Living Good Life is about having relationships, beginning with SELF and all other things/people in relation to us. I have many dogs, but I am a human and I am striving more and each day to understand how to relate to the differences for better relationships.
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Elijah A Alexander Jr
Elijah NatureBoy
04:15 PM on 03/09/2011
The "good life" is living a complete relation with one's self. That is done by knowing every attribute in anyone else is one within yourself. When we know that then every person we meet we know how to treat them because we treat our own personality that way. However, when we recognize all attributes are within ourselves we also don't need others around us constantly, when we do, we began to allow others to be an attribute in us we may not fully recognized and will not often develop it.

Best friend and lovers are caused by not developing opposite attributes. For instant, a person who is extroverted will have a lover or best friend who is introverted. The introverted becomes dependent on the extroverted to do the talking and vise versa. Magnifying each other is the attraction. That's why many people remain in abusive relationships, it's the magnification of opposites which attracts.

I've been alone for over 34 years continually finding characteristics In me I didn't recognize until I saw it in someone else. Every time I see something in someone else I don't recognize in me I look within for it and bring it to the surface for comparison then learn to control it. That keeps me from being people dependent and keeps me "Living the Good Life" alone and without a constant need of sex.
11:59 PM on 03/09/2011
To "the single path" it seems as though you are on the path to understanding the all-ness of Oneness. It is true that All is part of that Oneness, but it is through the personality to the deeper core and center where true LOVE lay unmoving. It is at the personality that love can betray us, hurt us or abandon us, but aah true-LOVE once found Within Really brings ONE home to the HEART, and as they say Heaven is where the Heart IS.....
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Elijah A Alexander Jr
Elijah NatureBoy
09:56 AM on 03/10/2011
It's so true, once we transcend the "opposite attraction illusion of conditional love" we are able to enter the center where true unconditional love resides. However, because of how existence is designed, only a remnant of man are destined to reach their center where "heaven" lies at any one time. It require more incarnations than our consciousness can imagine since we are not even qualified to begin the unification process until completing those incarnations.

A tadpole can't began to shorten it's tail and grow legs until it reaches a preestablished state, neither does the caterpillar weave it's cocoon until reaching it, so neither does man began the sequence of self-unification until they have experienced the emotion of every characteristic demonstrated by us. Once there, I'm informed but haven't experienced, we reach the state beyond pleasure we call heaven, supposedly, is my next stage in my evolution.
02:20 PM on 03/10/2011
As I look around I join in the witnessing of our sisters and brothers of all races overwhelmed by their pleasures and and asking for More. Would true and unconditional Love not Heal This??? Why wait another second to be True to your SELF then. A Human is not a tadpole or caterpillar, for they do have differing patterns and habits, but to defined oneself as Human is to be prepared to claim one's heritage as a Higher Universal MAN. Then would you ignore heritage for the sake of sweets and things?? If you do, it is only an individual choice, not a choice most individuals may make when the time soon comes.
12:09 PM on 03/08/2011
I'm not single so that my soul can discover anything. I'm single because I prefer it.
10:42 PM on 03/08/2011
Was going to write something similar, but you nailed it!
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polishlogician
No sugar tonight in my tea..
10:56 PM on 03/07/2011
"Being single is not a permanent condition but a preparation. You are in the most profound initiatory and adventurous phase of your life -- building a relationship with your soul."

...my soul and I went to couples counseling, I was surprised to learn I was always right, it was my soul's fault all along...
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Tulka2
Solidarity. Courage. Humor.
10:47 PM on 03/07/2011
If every girl gets a doggie like that, i can't think what the problem is.
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Natasha Dern
09:28 PM on 03/08/2011
Hi Tulka2,

You noticed the beautiful dog in the picture too...love dogs, especially one that looks like that!
10:25 PM on 03/07/2011
Being single does not suck. I would like to be with someone, but being single is not the worst thing I can imagine.
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mynameispaul62
Republicans are out of ideas.
09:42 PM on 03/07/2011
I have NO complaints with being single. Love it.
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Badger33
You may say to yourself...
09:25 PM on 03/07/2011
If you've been in a relationship with someone who was demanding and did not reciprocate, a period of constructive disengagement to get in back in touch with what makes you happy makes sense.
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hopefulidealist
Be yourself, everyone else is already taken.
03:25 PM on 03/08/2011
You are completely right Badger! I am going through this now. My last bf was selfish and uncompromising. Since we've been apart I have realized what truly makes me happy, and what I truly want out of life. I put me first. And I am confident that when I'm ready the universe will pair me with whomever it is I'm supposed to be with. And if not, that's ok too! I know now that with or without a man I can be happy and enjoy all of the things I want out of life!
07:06 PM on 03/07/2011
I am in my 40's but have been single many times in my life. I have to say that even though I was single, I still experienced a lot of romance. Not the male/female kind necessarily but the romance of life, the soul. I still took so much delight in nature, animals, beauty, art, what have you...even though being single. Nothing can take away the love/romance you have inside of you if you own it yourself.

Off for a lovely walk with my dogs!!!
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Natasha Dern
09:26 PM on 03/08/2011
Hi Soliel,

I love your comment and its so inspiring! I hope you had a lovely walk with your dogs.

In Light,
natasha
12:55 PM on 03/09/2011
Thank you. I walk my dogs twice a day. Most of the time I thoroughly enjoy it. What I always take pleasure in, on beautiful days, are the beautiful clouds, the plants, the flowers, the butterflies and cute insects, the other dogs we meet and greet, the trees...

I am always open to the wonder and beauty and romance of life, whether single or not. : )

Have a beautiful day!
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zeedubya
Zalina
06:07 PM on 03/07/2011
Being single is nature's way of forcing you to love yourself! Which I take to say, if you are sad, depressed, mad, anxious about being single, they you don't love your own company, worth or self.Stop the madness. LOL!
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mxytsplyk
De gustibus non est disputandum
05:38 PM on 03/07/2011
Interesting take. Kahlil Gibran may be right, but like Neo in The Matrix, I want to believe Iʻm in charge of my own fate. And not because Iʻm any better at living life than the next guy, more to ensure that my choices are my own.
12:57 PM on 03/07/2011
I wasted so much time worrying about being single and trying to make something happen with a man when it would not. Once I finally just decided to stop those two things, I still had to work on why I felt ashamed I was single. Easy answer. The whole culture is set up to make you think there is something wrong with you if you are not married. Come on. We humans do not control the circumstances of life. All we can control is our attitude, and make sure we celebrate every day we are here.
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Natasha Dern
09:22 PM on 03/08/2011
Hi Roseberry,

What a beautiful post...your comment is true and complete.

Keep celebrating each day!
natasha
12:14 PM on 03/09/2011
This is so true ! Some of my married friends want to force me to find someone, as if it were just as easy as opening the door. They are "concerned" because I'm not obsessed with finding a man. You just can't control everyhing and I am happy with me !
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12:07 PM on 03/07/2011
"Love knows who we are and where we live."

Perhaps I failed to file a change of address with the love office, because it sure doesn't seem to know where I live. :)
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Natasha Dern
09:17 PM on 03/08/2011
Hi justbenice,

You gave me a good chuckle...love the humor!
DrSnuggles
You label me and I'll label you
11:00 AM on 03/07/2011
After years of my own experience and watching others I can safely say that someone who is not comfortable being alone will never be truly happy in a relationship.
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Natasha Dern
09:17 PM on 03/08/2011
Hi DrSnuggles,

I agree totally!
12:57 AM on 03/07/2011
I watched Eat Pray Love.
Even stayed with it for the ending.
Felipe nagualed Liz at the boat
“If you run away from me, you run away from all the possibilities of your own life.”

...and in the end.... after her spiritual guy tells her imbalance is balance after all .. she goes for it.
Gives up her single-hood that she so indulgently pursued and boated off with Felipe -as an eternal couple heading into the sunset.
12:50 AM on 03/07/2011
"Love will come at the appointed hour and whisk you off your feet, doubt not, for the divine person you are preparing for is also being prepared for you."

I guess I've been "building a relationship with [my] soul", and become too cynical to believe this any more.
08:38 PM on 03/07/2011
seriously - I see people all the time give advice to those who are breaking up or who haven't had a relationship that "it" will happen for them eventually - well you know what, maybe it won't. Things don't "happen for a (spiritual) reason" and "god gives us what we need" and all that carp. If it were true, there's be no starvation and factory farms and vivisection labs in the world. You just make the best of what you have and you may or may not get the thing you think you want.
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Natasha Dern
09:50 PM on 03/08/2011
Hi Velo Vol,

Thank You for your comments. I'll share something with you. One of my cousins had been in a relationship for several years, it was a rocky relationship throughout, and the midst of a break up he found out that she had hooked with one of his best friends. It devastated him and he too became cynical. He was single for good ten years, yes ten years, before he met his current girlfriend. They have been dating for a year and a half. My point is this - life has its own timing and logic - we sometimes can't figure out why things are the way they are. All we can do is continue living, enjoying the things we have been blessed with, nurturing our relationships with friends and family, and making sure that we are healthy and happy to be alive.

Blessings to You!
natasha