In Italian, there is a phrase commonly used to describe a man who likes to show off his assets: Un uomo che si pavoneggia.
This roughly translates to a man who likes to strut around like a peacock.
I only know this because my Italian friend recently exclaimed: "He's a peacock!" shortly after meeting a guy I'd started dating, who, granted, was pretty full of himself. In retrospect, she'd kind of summed him up in a single phrase.
At the time, I was defensive. I squinted my eyes and grilled her: What do you mean he's a peacock? She then sort of mimicked an actual peacock, pushing her chest out, with her head high, before proceeding to slowly sashay around her apartment (yes, it is nice when people spell things out for you, especially when denial is involved).
My face fell. Thanks to Hitchcock, I hate birds. That aside, I was giving this fellow a chance and my friend's comment made me feel like I was dating a self-obsessed egomaniac. So what if he seemed to strut, not walk, around in his fancy leather jacket? Or zoom around town in his brand new Porsche, which was only the color of the Mediterranean Sea at dusk? Of course, she tried to back peddle, but that never works, does it? The truth was out and I could no longer feign ignorance: I was dating a peacock.
I now realize he wasn't the first peacock I had dated, and they aren't necessarily good-looking or in possession of nice things. Although they generally tend to pay special attention to their attire and overall physique, what really distinguishes peacocks from other men is that they truly believe they are the bees' knees, which somehow makes you believe they are the bees' knees, and then it becomes a confusing situation where fantasy and reality morph into each other and you forget what's really real (something involving the projected self or some kind of psycho-babble I'm not qualified to digress about).
Basically, peacock men are so skilled at exuding confidence that sometimes it is easy to get sucked into the whole self-adulation thing whilst in their presence, until you have an epiphany or they do something really wrong and all you can manage to muster up about them is a sound effect along the lines of "ugh."
I guess what all this means is: A Man with Confidence is Bloody Alluring.
Of course, so is a woman with confidence (a peahen?) But I'd argue that it takes less for men to love themselves than it does for women to love themselves, which means that we (women) are harsher critics of ourselves and have higher standards of how we "should" be or look in order for us to even think of strutting around in our Jimmy Choo's or our Tom's. A man can just have a flashy car or be rich or have nice guns to feel this way, but a woman seems to need more in order to feel confident, especially when it comes to the way she looks. And even if the stars align and we happen to vaguely resemble Grace Kelly for a night, we'll often still manage to find something wrong with ourselves, focusing on the one negative trait and ignoring all the positives. Like I said, I am not a therapist, but this doesn't seem healthy.
For example, even after a whole-hearted attempt to make myself look impeccable for a night out, including professionally blown-out hair that always makes me feel like I'm the star of a Pantene ad, I will inevitably end up fixating on some flaw while looking in the mirror, e.g., why oh why did I not wear my retainer when they took off those damn braces? It's just a small glitch, just my two front teeth trying to overlap, no big deal, but I notice it like I'm wearing a pineapple on my head.
Didn't someone important once say imperfection is beauty? Someone did say that once, I swear. Marilyn Monroe? The Dalai Lama? Maybe it was just a nice friend. In any case, I repeat that "mantra" every time I find a flaw that is really only noticeable to me. Oh and those mean skin cream saleswomen at Bloomingdales who like to say things in horror like: "You're skin is so dehydrated. What have you been washing it with -- SOS??" (When I honestly haven't.) I want to tell them a) I cannot have a large bottle of Smart Water glued to my lips all day long because I actually have to get things done and b) didn't you get the memo? Imperfection is beauty!
But when it comes to men, nothing's wrong with dating confident men, or even peacocks, as long as they have substance and are fundamentally nice. In fact, it can be kind of cute when a guy fancies himself a bit, but some questions you may want to consider before proceeding: Would he make a selfless dad? Would he hog the full-length mirror? Throw out the moldy bread at the back of the fridge instead of pretending not to see it? Eat bread? Tell you you're pretty even if you have crooked teeth? See you not as an object of affection, but as a deeply soulful woman he'll never fully understand? I'd also be wary if you discover he's a Sephora Beauty Insider.
I suppose if a peacock makes you feel good about yourself, that's a sign he could be a keeper. Yet it's probably more important that we get better at making ourselves feel this way, even if it sometimes seems like society is harder on women. We could definitely do with taking a page out of a guy's book of confidence. It could be as simple as uttering the words: I am one hot mamma once a day whilst looking in our compacts. Because if you're banking on those skin cream women, you just may end up leaving the store with mascara-streaked cheeks.
That's not a great look, though some might call it beautiful.
In an imperfect way, of course.
Follow Natasha Scripture on Twitter: www.twitter.com/natscript
But, fundamentally, the "Dark Blue Metallic" doesn't really resemble the Mediterranean at dusk & the "Aqua Blue Metallic" - maybe the Ionian Sea in the South - around Zakynthos or Ithaca...
you're gonna keep playing this game (funny, that's TRUE) until, one day, you'll find a few too many years have passed !!
But, what do you think the likelihood this "peacock" man would have substance and be "fundamentally" nice? I note you used the adjective "fundamentally." We don't him to be too nice. Right?
In my humble judgement, this peacock of a man is more likely to be a narcissistic metro sexual. Of course most women will discover this "in retrospect."
But here is the ultimate outcome: Mr. Nice gets zippy and friend zoned at best, while Mr. Peacock get laid!
Do women really want to know where are all the "nice" guys? Maybe they are strutting around like a peacock.
Which by that time if you havent plonked his cobbler head in with a skillet.. ur wondering "What the heck did i see in him.. someone Please remind me?!?!"
Peacock men are however quite handy for one thing!.. You can NEVER go fashionably wrong anywhere.. if you have one hanging by your arm. They are the perfect conversation starter, centre piece. Deck one by the coffee table.. and Voila! the Party starts!
Now you know why it is so hard for many men to even bother trying to understand women. (Even though I have a pretty firm grasp myself). So, you are warned he is full of himself....But you dated him nonetheless. LMAO!!!!!
Hey guys, how many of you would date a woman your friends have told you was a wh**re? Have sex with her? Don't bother, I know the answer.
You see ladies, there is a HUGE disconnect here.
LOL!!!! So let me understand this. She admitted she KNEW he was "full of himself." Can we at least agree on this crucial point? So that makes it alright?
But no "reasonable" person would date such a person ("their friend told them was too full of himself/herself"), and that makes my point baseless. How? Even YOU stated she knew he was "full of himself."
What kind of logic is this? It's illogical! She KNEW he was a putz. But that is fine per your reasoning. Yet, if a friend tells her he is a putz, she would not date him. God help us!
But again, it simply highlights the fundamental differences in how women think as opposed to us men. Now, you should see the problem.
This is why we men get a little testy when we are all accused of the behaviors peacocks can get away with. Few of us will successfully try to emulate them. Most of us quickly learn to sit down and shut up until we're called upon.
Peacock men are addicted to self-image. They wake-up needing a fix. Your role is to feed that image--until he's stuffed full of himself.
He over-rates his abilities. He needs to show you. You watch him.
Oh, he says perfect things. Like his persona, his words are well groomed. Yet, like an addict, he'll steal from you...your self-confidence, your independence, your ability to distinguish genuine from superficial.
Hollywood, sports and the music industry are rife with peacock divorces--recoveries routinely include stays at Betty Ford.
Guess what? President Obama is a peacock. He peacocked his way into our hearts and minds, into that Nobel Prize. Yet the puppy he promised his little girls? he never did give it them (Ted Kennedy did).
Nelson Mandela, Kofi Annan and Colin Powell are NOT peacocks. But you don't want them--do you? You want Obama.
So...why do you want the peacock? Why feed an addict? Why stay until those repeated broken promises add-up to your debilitation?
Build your own self-confidence. Exercise your independence. Keep educating yourself. Turn a blind eye to bling. Resist the advertising, the marketing blitz, the strut and smooth talk.
Get your feet firmly on the ground before looking to be swept-off of them.
they're in their 80's and 90's ... or 70's ... you "want" them for what ??? even a strong coffee might vaso-constrict some vessel in their brain and cause ischemia and death !!!
Confidence only helps if the people around you believe you deserve to be confident.