Well, that's a wrap. It's now 2016, which means we've made it through the onslaught of the year-in-review social media posts, are nearly done miserably scrolling though endless beach pictures and are just starting the most crowded month at the gym. And this, the resolution, is the topic for this article.
I had a conversation with a friend just before the new year about this. New Years is his favorite holiday because he relishes the state of mind, the chance to reset and make conscious decisions about living a better life -- being a better version of yourself. I get that. I support it. And if you, like many other people, have taken the time to reflect on your desires and made plans to achieve them, then I wish you nothing but the best of luck.
Another friend of mine is in the process of coming out to his friends and family. To be blunt, it's not been going well. His parents are conservative and, just as mine did some years ago, are having a hard time coping with what this new reality means for them and their family.
And therein lies my point. The biggest, most meaningful changes in our lives, whether of our own volition or simple happenstance, very seldom align to the neatness of our cyclical calendar. In my own experience, and those recounted in the nearly 50 stories currently posted on my website for coming out stories, the experience of coming out is like most other major changes we make in our lives. It happens after we've had enough. When life isn't worth living unless a change is made. That's when people transform.
It happens in all facets of life though, not just with our sexual identity. Hate your job? It eats away at you day after day until, finally, you take action. Overweight? Dieting and exercise are really hard if they're not part of your existing routine. People don't casually start eating kale salads every day and wake up magically knowing how to use every machine in the gym. Something has to happen for that to change and it isn't called January 1st.
Here are some examples of how the coming out experience unfolded for others. One young girl wasn't ready to come out, but a classmate found out and blackmailed her until she finally felt like she had to tell her parents before rumors ran rampant. One man fell into drug-use and depression after a failed marriage, eventually landing in jail, before he came to terms with himself. To be fair, there are many stories about coming out that do not involve such turbulence. Another example comes from a pretty typical Midwestern boy who did some exploration in college, came out to his family when he was ready and had a very positive experience over all. But even that happy ending is a story of slow build-up, of events whether big or small, that eventually amount to real change. Not a date on the calendar.
And so here is what I ask of you, if you are someone who has made a resolution to make a real change in your life, coming out or otherwise. Think bigger. Think long-term.
We are, each and every one of us, the culmination of our own experiences, thoughts and acquaintances. We are molded and shaped into ourselves each day, slowly, in ways that are often unnoticed. To change ourselves fundamentally often takes a long time. Don't resolve to to lose 10 pounds. Don't resolve to find a job that pays more. Don't resolve to come out to your family and friends in 2016.
Resolve to be someone who takes note of what is wrong in your life and in the lives of those around you. Resolve to be more thoughtful about what you can and cannot change in your life on a daily basis and then resolve to make little changes where you're able.
It's a new year, not a new you. Real change takes time and has a schedule all its own. Don't force it; be ready for it.