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Name It, Change It, Flip It, Quip It

Posted: 11/25/11 01:08 PM ET

Women hold only 3% of clout positions in the mainstream media. ~ Annenberg Public Policy Center, "The Glass Ceiling Persists"

Here are 15 ways the media would be different if it were run by 97% women and only 3% men:

  1. 60 Minutes would be 30 Minutes because, frankly, who has the time?
  2. The Real Housewives of LA, New York and Atlanta would actually be the real housewives of LA, New York and Atlanta.
  3. At the end of romantic comedies, the wise-cracking best friend would get the guy.
  4. Violence against women would be the subject of lead news stories, not just opening teasers for crime shows.
  5. The Fox News motto "fair and balanced" would describe more than its female anchors' hairstyles.
  6. The New York Times would -- oh, wait, the Executive Editor of the NYT is a woman now. Never mind.
  7. Good bye Chick Flicks. Hello Prick Flicks!
  8. Network shows claiming to empower women would not be set in The Playboy Club.
  9. No more reporters would appear in CNN "human holograms." They're not sexist, just stupid.
  10. Chelsea Handler and Jimmy Kimmel wouldn't be the only Late Night hosts with boobs.
  11. No one would ask Pat Buchanan to offer an opinion on anything ever again.
  12. Actresses over 50 would get to be as sexy and serious as actors over 50.
  13. To preserve realism, when characters get pregnant on TV shows, the actresses would be required to pad not just their bellies, but their butts.
  14. Esquire's new annual issue: "Women We Don't Necessarily Love -- But We Respect."
  15. Men would never stop complaining that 3% was a ridiculously low number and they were being discriminated against. Women in power would listen... and agree... and do everything they could to help men achieve equality.

On November 30, comedian Wanda Sykes will join Women's Media Center Founders Jane Fonda, Robin Morgan & Gloria Steinem to emcee the 2011 Women's Media Awards in New York City. Soledad O'Brien, Lara Logan, Maggie Wilderotter and Yanique Richards will be honored for their outstanding contributions to advancing women's and girls' visibility and power in media.

Tickets are still available here.

 
 
 
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HUFFPOST BLOGGER
Valerie Keefe
11:21 PM on 11/30/2011
Well, again, this list is co-written by a woman with some painfully cissexist blind spots and promoting an event she'll be co-hosting another woman with some outright transphobic writing...

None of it retracted. Ever.

So this is the only reply I can levy: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/valerie-keefe/degender-her-erase-her-de_b_1113654.html
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
ChrisRoberts
Chris Roberts, God of Short Stories.
12:03 PM on 11/30/2011
This list is why there are only 3% of women in media power. It is cliched, hackneyed and all attempts at humor are corny.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Dede Eagleburger
well behaved women rarely make History...
11:35 AM on 11/30/2011
Great list!!!! #10 has me laughing still...!!!!
05:24 PM on 11/29/2011
wow
05:20 PM on 11/29/2011
Quite a bit of sexist comments on this thread, from both men and women. Sad.
05:07 PM on 11/29/2011
I'm utterly amazed by the amount of sexist comments from both sexes on this thread.
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05:38 AM on 11/29/2011
If women controlled the media there would be SOME women who are NOT sexy but have a great life still. And there would be SOME women whos intersets in life involve NO man. They would have female friends and they would talk about subjects that involved no men. And they would be happy and succesfull doing so.

In the media there is ZERO positive portrayal of women who lives are not centered around men. Women whos lives are not centered around men are portrayed as monsters to be defeated. What does that tell you about the insecure men who make these movies?
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
topkatnc
Give a stray cat or dog a chance .
10:11 AM on 11/28/2011
Love your article .. # 4 bothers me alot .. I don't watch any shows or movies that show violence to women and children as entertainment .. and if women did control 97% of the media , that would change bigtime , and the truth would be told all of the time , instead of some of the time .. If women had been born with the same upper body strength as men .. this planet would be such a better place to live ... Men seemed to want to destroy it .. by war , by drilling , greed , etc .. Porn is part of the media and I think it should be controlled , somehow .. porn hurts alot of people .. and not just women .. it HURTS children .. but men have the attitude that we got to have our porn , no matter who it hurts .. it's this kind of apathy that will destroy this amazing planet that we live on .. and no , I don't hate men .. married one and gave birth to one .. but I do know their faults , and yes women have faults also .. but ours don't directly effect the planet like men's do .. and this imo .. and we all have one .. that's why we come here .
01:07 PM on 11/28/2011
" If women had been born with the same upper body strength as men .. this planet would be such a better place to live ... Men seemed to want to destroy it .. by war , by drilling , greed , etc "

Your comment exemplifies the shallow sexism of modern feminist. Men and boys are sick of this sexist tripe coming from people who claim to be supporters of equality. Declaring women superior and men inferior brutes is not promoting equality. Men and women are both in positions of power and are competing as equals in the work force. We cannot tolerate bigotry from either. I would not want a women like you in our schools teaching our sons and daughters. With 82% of k-12 teachers being women this kind of bigotry can have a real impact.

I think women and feminist in particular need to develop a broader appreciation of male issues and identity. They should know that whatever bias the posses and promote affect men as deeply as whatever social attitudes from men they think might negatively impact themselves. The other thing they need to come to terms with are the natural realities of competitive world which drives human behavior. The fact men had the responsibility to defend their families meant they had to be warriors. Women should be grateful for their sacrifice since they benefit from the spoils of war everyday of their lives.
02:37 PM on 11/28/2011
"Our" sons and daughters again. LOL.

Most primary school teachers are indeed women - women who love children and teach them with the utmost gentleness and care. Same as it ever was. The achievement gap doesn't even show up until the later grades, so please stop casting aspersions on these overworked, underpaid women.

"Women should be grateful for their sacrifice since they benefit from the spoils of war everyday of their lives.”

So women should be grateful for the men who protected them - from other men! - in the distant past, but they should not be at all conscious of all the ways men oppressed them in the past. Ed, you don't get to cherrypick history to your liking. Women did used to have to rely on men to protect them from the brutality of other men, but you know well enough that whatever "spoils" they got from men's wars was only what men decided to give them. Powerlessness is never something to be grateful for.
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LintLass
"When you can balance a tackhammer on your head...
04:17 PM on 11/28/2011
I'll note that 'controlling' porn ain't enlightening sexuality, just further dirty-ifying it. Which only means people associate sex and people as 'dirty.'

Better quality in all the media would beat the old wars between 'censorship' and 'Lowest common denominator.' All that really gets lost is literacy, art, and the *better* things. Frankly, in this day and age, there's no need for the porn to *be* so tacky or the films to *be* so glorifying-of-sanitized-violence.

That's the thing. Not so much 'what' or 'how much' but *how.*
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
topkatnc
Give a stray cat or dog a chance .
11:17 AM on 11/29/2011
What I mean in controlling porn is somehow have it were it's not so easy for kids to get access to it .. I'm not saying that it's dirty .. I have looked at porn myself .. I am human , just like you .. but young girls and boys don't need to have access to it .. as it stands right now it's just a click away .. and that needs to change .. and no one ever talks about that ... but they will in the future .. because that's when we will see the damage that it has done ... I willl never forget what Ted Bundy said when he was trying to back track and keep away from ole sparky .. he said , don't let your kids look at porn .. it's what ruined me .. and I believe that ... and I'm not saying every child that looks at porn will be a serial killer .. but porn will have an effect on how a child grows into an adult .. and that's what I am talking about .. and I guess I'm the only one talking about it .. because I never see it anywhere else .. and that's sad .
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
topkatnc
Give a stray cat or dog a chance .
09:51 AM on 11/28/2011
Love your article .. # 4 bothers me alot ... I don't even watch shows or movies that shows violence against women and children as entertainment ... and just think ladies .. if women had been born with the same upper body strength as men .. you know this good ole earth would be such a better place .. Men seem determined to destroy it .. By war , drilling , etc .. As far as the media .. if the media was controlled by 97% of women , telling the truth would be something that happened all the time , instead of some of the time ... and if women controlled the media , I think porn would be controlled, somehow .. porn hurts alot of people .. not just women , it hurts children .. and I see no one doing anything about it , but men got to have their porn , no matter who it hurts .. and I really don't think they even care about who it hurts ..It's this kind of apathy that is destroying the earth .
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09:03 PM on 11/27/2011
If sexism did not continue to run deep there would be no need to continue writing about it.
01:10 PM on 11/28/2011
They write about sexism because that's the only time people care what they say. Sexism is a two way street and women are more prone to it than men since they don't hold each other accountable for it and men fail to call them on it. Studies even suggest that sexist attitudes are mainly passed down by mothers and not fathers. The topic of sexism presented in this one sided manner is no longer constructive, it loaded with bias and is hardly a accurate representation of today's society.
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01:16 PM on 11/28/2011
Sell that slop on fox, it doesn't work here. When women earn equal pay I'll speak to you again.
02:31 PM on 11/28/2011
Do you realize that you sound exactly like those old white guys who think that white people are the ones who are truly discriminated against nowadays?
08:09 PM on 11/27/2011
Did it ever occur to you that news and entertainment are driven by viewers, not the personnel in the media?

So, for instance, the fact that the Real Housewives series is so incredibly stupid is because lots of WOMEN love to watch the stupidity.

Don't blame men for that.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Katie Wray
03:02 PM on 11/28/2011
if a kid is fat, is it the kid's fault or the parents' fault for not putting healthy food on the table?
02:08 PM on 12/06/2011
Women are not children. They are adults who are responsible for what they watch on TV.
08:07 PM on 11/27/2011
Yeah, I'm not buying #15.
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06:57 AM on 11/28/2011
Me either, it runs against #4 aswell as they admit the news would be female centric.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Katie Wray
03:03 PM on 11/28/2011
domestic violence is an issue that affects men and women.
06:32 PM on 11/27/2011
In other words being stupid and vulgar is what every woman should be aiming for? Don't think so.
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JaneaneTheAcerbicGoblin
Where's Mr. Darcy?
04:17 PM on 11/27/2011
Sorry to burst Gloria's bubble, but women under 30 are making more than men these days, and a lot of men are OK with that because they don't have to work so hard and maybe they'll live longer now.

Gloria is resolutely stuck in the 1970's where she thinks women are still slaves in the kitchen.

http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2011/02/she_makes_more_money_than_he_does_so.html
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
imfedup
Fight the lies.
06:07 PM on 11/27/2011
Ironic, given your micro-bio.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
westbygod
If I cannot smoke in heaven, then I shall not go.
05:29 PM on 11/28/2011
I wish I could fan you twice
04:02 PM on 11/27/2011
If the media were 97% women and 3% men?? Lots of recipes, ads for detergent, and lots of gossip and fashion news -- Well, we get gossip and fashion news over here. Oh, I forgot, run by a female.
06:32 PM on 11/27/2011
Well yeah cause women are ONLY interested in staying in the kitchen, cleaning, dressing up and gossiping.
08:10 PM on 11/27/2011
Apparently - look at the carefully market-tested TV ads they respond to.