9. Glenn Beck hates everything Maher stands for. That should be enough.
8. Finally you can be the "funny one," re-Tweeting Maher's wry observations with the speed and dexterity of a twenty-year-old.
7. Maher is even more convincing live than on television. Bring your innocuously racist uncle for a re-education.
6. It sounds very bourgeois to tell people you're "catching a show at Avery Fisher in Lincoln Center."
5. The Daily Show and The Colbert Report don't tape on Sunday. What are you supposed to debate with your co-workers on Monday?
4. Maher is number thirty-eight on Comedy Central's list of the "100 Greatest Stand-Ups of All Time." Statistically speaking, he's sixty-two percent better than Gallagher. Plus, he won't spray you with watermelon debris.
3. Since Dennis Miller became a conservative and Al Franken a senator, Maher is part of an endangered breed of political commentator.
2. ...Because you're a part of the liberal media bias!
1. Until HBO develops 3-D broadcasting, the best and only way to see Bill Maher in all his dimensional glory is at the 2009 New York Comedy Festival.