Some people tell me I should take that post down: What if someone finds it when they Google you? What if they see it while researching you for a job interview? All valid points. But I'm not taking it down. I need it there to remind me of where I was, of how close I was to killing myself, and to perhaps help someone else who might read it and resonate with it.
It hasn't been easy, but I've learned to live with seeing my old flames about town -- alcohol is everywhere, after all. It was that drink-to-excess, all-inclusive vibe of the resort that threw me at first, but I used a key sober tool, remembered that, for me, these "ex-boyfriends" are literally toxic, and moved on.
Whether I was sad or happy or bored or lonely, it was there to comfort me and make me feel all better. We started off really happy together. But like most relationships that end, it had a tendency to get ugly. This particular relationship, the one with booze, became destructive, unhealthy and toxic.