Dear CBS: Your oldest living and still breathing employee is just about to exit the building. It excites saddens me to think the only person that makes more sense than me is finally giving up this job so I can step in heading into retirement.
I don't care if he's married. I don't care if he's over 50. I don't care if he's a curmudgeon. I don't even care if his eyebrows enter a room five minutes before the rest of him. Andy Rooney's the guy for me.
I always believed that people don't change, but now I know I was wrong. I am bad tempered, less patient, and grumpier than I used to be. I am just a novice in curmudgeonhood, but feel I can already offer some helpful hints to those coming my way.
It would be nice to have a gauge on us to let us know when we need to get some shut eye or when we've had enough, much like a battery light that comes on to tell us it's time to charge a certain device for optimal use.
Andy Rooney hates what Chevron is doing -- leaving 18 billion gallons of wastewater and 17 million gallons of crude oil to pollute Amazonian communities, and then trying to pretend that nothing ever happened.