While you might not be aware of it, we all have at least a second to choose how we want to respond to a trigger -- and most times more than a second. If you choose to take the breath and tune in, you have a chance of responding from your loving adult self rather reacting from your ego wounded self. You have the chance to move into compassion for yourself.
When a relationship ends and the woman is angry about it, she'll often look for a way to hurt the guy. I hear women vowing like Lou's wife to "take him to the cleaners." Not only do they try to rape their husbands financially but they use the kids as pawns for revenge, which hurts the kids. And it actually hurts you.
I had been caretaking for so long that it was habitual and addictive. However, once I realized that it was controlling rather than loving, I became determined to heal this addiction. I'm happy to say that loving myself and sharing my love with others is what I do most of the time now, and it brings me great joy!