When we no longer hold our partner responsible for the fulfillment of our needs, everything changes. This is easier said than done, but it is perhaps the single most important thing we can do to insure that our relationship will be mutually satisfying.
Wonder doesn't disappear on its own. We let it go. And we don't have to. In fact, our creativity, imagination and well-being thrive on a degree of being delighted, amused and in awe of the world around us.
This phenomenon isn't unique to New York, of course. But with so many more people crammed into so much less space, I decided to meditate on the lives I sampled -- and to renew a few promises to myself.
The shelf life of most intense feelings is quite short. A strong feeling, which is not fed by our thoughts about it, can pass through us in a rather short time. It is our mind that, counter-intuitively, does not want us to let go of our pain.
Jealousy can be lots of things. It can be a show of how much you love someone and desire to protect them. It can also be a horrid thing where you envelop them instead of trusting them and letting them grow into themselves.
It's convenient for those of us who can remember a time when there were no distracting digital devices clamoring for our attention to place the blame for shortened attention spans squarely on the shoulders of technology. But that doesn't really get us anywhere, does it?
The simple act of acknowledging someone by name fuels them -- tasks on the lower level are done with more enthusiasm, with more precision, with greater desire for accuracy, with a refusal to disappoint. It's an exchange of value.
Severe, debilitating anxiety has afflicted Scott Stossel his entire life, a life he describes in his morbidly fascinating new memoir, My Age of Anxiety. His case may be especially tormenting, but he is far from alone in this plight.
What if I told you that the way we are talking about attention is part of the problem? Our conversation about distraction, multitasking, and the stern command to focus, actually creates a level of stress, anxiety, and shame.
And in our experience of a lazy brain, somehow it all seems as though it's 'happening' to us, rather than an inner state we've (subconsciously) created. Time to train our brains, by educating the guards at the gates.
What can a pickpocket teach us about the art of getting people's attention? A lot - if you can keep up with him. Watch expert thief Apollo Robbins in action and see if you can figure out how he does it.