I've come to realize that kitchen activities might be even more telling than I thought. I've let cooking become a benchmark against which I test the health of my relationships.
When we have an opportunity to explore a once great relationship again, we have an opportunity to explore ourselves too. We can look at it with new eyes and hopefully the courage to follow our heart wherever it may lead.
I can tell you a story about most objects in my house. Some are positive stories and reflections of who I am and where I am headed. Others are more binding, restricting and reflect a time in my life I'm happy to have moved on from. Yet they remain in my house. And therefore in my psyche.
It was only when my second love came along that I started to realize how much better love is when you truly know yourself.
I'm on my own for this one. I walked in 'eyes wide shut' as they say. Knowing, seeing, being told, 'This one is not for you,' and going for it anyway. And five or six breakups later, it's hard to count them now, I'm finally sober enough to admit my problem.
I am single again but something feels different this time around -- I'm content being alone for the first time in my adult life. I've decided to use this period, unattached to a male counterpart, to break the cycles I've been repeating for years.
Indulging in financial self-soothing following the stressful divorce process is the reward that many women seek in the days after that Final Judgment is received. Justified trips to Cancun, rationalized days at the spa, and country club memberships are the delicious luxuries we seek, when soothing our aching hearts.
Of course, any app I use could shut down, pivot their strategy, run out of money... it happens. But when that app was built using my personal info and hours of effort on my part, I feel a range of emotions not unlike my dating years: betrayal, feeling used, frustration, panic.
During this age of social media and communicating electronically it is not unusual to get break-up messages electronically. It's a shame but it is not at all unusual.
Whether it's happened to you in a friendship, marriage or even in a relationship with someone else who's important in your life (like your hair colorist or even your housekeeper), you simply know when you've lost your rhythm and neither of you is addressing its loss.
Betrayal leaves us at a fork in the road. We can choose to act in ways that either favor or impede personal growth: we can become stuck in a bad moment forever or we can put it behind us for good. We decide our path.
In retrospect, being curled up in fetal position makes perfect sense. When you find yourself in that protective posture, it may very well be that you are about to experience a rebirth. It's just an incubation period before your emergence.
Though I knew better than to have an affair with him, I'd seen enough movies to know that my break-up with my boyfriend was an ominous sign. My coworkers began questioning our relationship, too. "We're just friends!" I blustered. But on second thought, I suspected we weren't.
I miss her, and being able to see her whenever I want, from a distance, makes it linger. Makes it impossible for me to just pull the plug and unfriend her husband (who I have never disliked) and tell myself to stop looking for her articles.
Maybe some people could remove themselves from that situation, flip an on-off switch. I am not one of those people. When I let people in, I inevitably begin to care. It is both a blessing and a burden.
Acknowledge how affectionate you used to be, and let your partner know that you miss those times and would love to get back on track. Take the time to listen to your partner's concerns. If you truly think this is a relationship worth fighting for, let your partner know