The holidays have a special magic that no one wants to disturb. Divorce conversations are intentionally avoided, because who wants to mar this season with bad memories? Trust me: you can make it through this holiday.
"We actually broke up." This is the inevitable response you will have to give for weeks, months, possibly even years after you and your significant other part ways.
I left a well-paying lawyer job in New York to move to a small tropical island near Guam. I'd like to say it was some sort of insight about the Meaning Of Life. In reality, it was a terrific combination of terrible things in the romance, personal well-being and employment departments.
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Let go of the "Ggrrr!" (aka guilt, guilt, regret, regret regret). Don't get caught in the mental loop of "why me?" It won't serve you here.
Rule 4: Have Somewhere to Be. It feels good having somewhere to go. You don't have to be specific, you just need to have somewhere to go. If you don't have anywhere to go, don't make up something too far-fetched, like escorting a movie star to an awards ceremony.
At this point, if it's truly over, you're going to need to take action. There comes a day when we must put away the ice cream, wash our tear-stained faces and realize it's time to come to terms with the hard, cold fact that it's over and life must go on sans our pajamas.
Unchanneled passion. Blocked energy. A disconnection between heart and mouth. A deep belief in my own unlovability. Themes that babbled through my past amours and my relationship with myself welled up into a pool that I couldn't not gaze into. So I started to look.
I followed my gut. The indescribable feeling was what led me to love and to heartbreak, and... the broken engagement. I had said yes to the proposal and yes to the dress I bought on a whim and still admired. It was me, without alterations. I still believe in everlasting love. Someday.
To lift my mood, I'd draw attention away from myself and focus on how I live passionately to make a difference. Giving away your own unique gifts, is a way to help you and others heal at the same time.
Is it possible to casually hook up or have sex without creating any kind of emotional response or a longing for attachment?
You'd think within a world that gives us genius little smartphones and turn-by-turn navigation we'd have created some sort of community for the ones who just need to hear these words after their heart is gouged out, "Hey, you're here. You've arrived. Don't be ashamed. You're not alone, toots."
Re-partnering can be a particularly frightening prospect after a divorce. Since the breakup, you've spent time on your own with no commitments or emotional ties to a partner, so venturing back into the marketplace might be overwhelming.
I was not planning on getting a new dog. Instead, I was searching for comfort, wanting to be consoled by a furry, empathic face. A small black dog caught my grieving eye. She looked up at me through the cold steel bars of her pen. I put my hand up to her nose. She licked it.
Take back your power. Trust that we all have a lot of options when it comes to relationships, but that the one relationship we MUST honor first is the one with ourselves.
I don't wilt in the aftermath and this is a new and hopeful thing. I can, in fact, exist without him, and without the others. It is a lesson learned: the heart regenerates with the best of them. The road to love is a winding one, 'til you reach the end and you reach The One.