With the weather unseasonably cold, we took the kids to Wannado City, a breathtaking indoor child city located outside of Ft. Lauderdale. We left my mother's house without a hitch -- got in the car on time, pulled out of the driveway and started rolling down the Florida Turnpike when...
As parents, we may not always react to our kids the way we'd like, but we'll always get another chance
It is terribly awkward to deal with a child's upsetting behavior without stepping on the toes of her parent. Your situation is even more challenging because you wisely understand that this little one is both mimicking her mother and acting out her hurt. Here are my thoughts.
In actuality, setting limits is a gift to our children. It shows them that we are taking responsibility for keeping them safe. It's a sign to them that we are there to help them mediate the chaos of this world.
Once an activity becomes a habit, it takes little to no willpower to do. Think of your habits, or the things you do on autopilot, like brushing your teeth or maybe going for a daily walk. These activities aren't draining. You've programmed your body to do these things unconsciously.
The rules weren't all that necessary or important. Which is why, when her kids didn't obey, she didn't enforce the rules. She just got more and more agitated.
Your family is going through significant growing pains, with everyone having to make some big adjustments. Rather than giving you suggestions for controlling your stepson's behavior, I think it best that we step back and look at the situation from a bigger perspective.
Some of the most successful people in the world are some of the hardest working people. Once these people reach "success" they don't stop -- they keep on going -- their passions, desires and drive keep them motivated and inspired to do more, help more and give more. So tune into your desires, passions and drive. What fuels your work ethic?
With little children, it is obvious that we need to act as their prefrontal cortex because we know that they aren't capable of inhibiting their impulses. We keep them close when we're near the street and make sure not to leave sweets sitting around where they will have trouble resisting them.
Before I correct my kids, I have to ask myself if what they said is only bothering me because it's the truth.
Plenty of good parenting happens by instinct, and instinct is essential in parenting. But that's when I realized that not all of the parenting instincts we have are the parenting instincts we want to have.
Children who feel liked, cherished and enjoyed want to behave well because they naturally want to please us. When they sense tension between their parents, or have no tools for managing frustration, their behavior can take a turn for the worse.
You are your child's ally, the one who will chart the course for her development. Therefore, it is important to guide her toward positive solutions.
Why is it OK to be openly clueless"as a parent, but not openly confident? Is it all a backlash against Tiger Moms and Helicopter Parents? Whatever the case, it seems that it is not acceptable to openly strive for competence in the most important role that we will ever have.
Anyone can tell you that discipline is a messy business. Not even the best of parents could possibly get it right all the time. However, part of what complicates the process of teaching our kids to behave is that parents bring a lot of their own baggage to the table.
Moving towards our kids is so important -- even more so in those moments when we feel it's the last thing we want to do.