Here's a few specifics on why it doesn't work (except in the VERY short-term -- and parenting is NOT a short-term project), and what you can do instead to foster connection and cooperation in your home.
Having productive conversations with kids on their "non-breath-of-fresh-air days" is no easy feat. But it's doable.
When parents help their frustrated kids simply feel their sadness or disappointment, they move from aggression toward acceptance.
I don't have children of my own, but my sisters are eighteen and twenty years younger than me, respectively, and I've worked in childcare and education. Interacting with other people's children is easy when they're angels, and challenging when they're ... well, normal.
Children don't want to do what they don't want to do. Whether it's tidying their room, taking out the trash, or putting on their pajamas, if a child doesn't see the need to get a task checked off of your list -- or they simply don't feel like it -- she will do her best to avoid it.
The word "discipline" is often misunderstood. The main goal of discipline is to help the child develop into a decent, likable adult, capable of survival in a social milieu, rather than one who is submissive to, or rebellious against, the socialization process.
Screaming, crying and talking back are all traits that were immediately removed from the equation and replaced with smiles, genuine conversations and explanations. Yes, we yell, but then it's followed up with the why's and why not's.
Where are the seven easy steps to being a good enough parent? Or the three simple rules for raising reasonably well behaved children... sometimes? Surely these goals would be more achievable. We have to let go of the ideal and embrace reality.
I feel like you should think about all surrounding circumstances of a child's behavior or actions before you decide on how to approach a situation. My husband is a "react now, feel guilty after thinking about it later" kind of guy.
Do you ever wonder why your child behaves the way she does? How many times in a single day do you ask yourself, "Why did she do that?"
One phone call can change a life. For Chris Rodriguez it was the call from the owner of Blue Devil Products that fine day in September of 2012.
Two kindergartners were sent to the principal's office during their second week of school. One hit a little girl after she refused to share a toy. The other smacked a little boy after he cut to the front in the lunch line.
While parenting is big, important work, that doesn't mean that it has to be a "mysterious" or "complicated" process. Live these "simple truths" as consistently as you can, and you -- and your kids -- are likely to be on the right track.
Without mental health support services, few students are able to cope with emotional stress in a productive manner on their own. Confused, angry or scared, a student's cries for help are commonly first expressed by acting out in school.
Your gut is telling you that your gauge is off and that your feelings about your daughter may be related to your childhood, and I agree 100 percent. The key here is that you feel hatred when you see your daughter and her boyfriend. That is a very strong emotion, and one which I encourage you to explore.
When parents under-react strategically, they shape a new behavior that summons their child's best self.