When parents under-react strategically, they shape a new behavior that summons their child's best self.
I've written about the good cop-bad cop parenting dynamic here, and I think that's what's at play in your situation too. You are correct to be worried about undermining your husband's parenting, which I discuss here. Then again, you don't want your child to feel bad about himself. So what are you to do?
I grew up in Louisville, Kentucky. When I told my parents I wanted to go to college in Austin, Texas, my mother, in true form, pulled out the encycl...
What does it mean to be a conscious parent? That you will magically become all-knowing? That you will know the perfect thing to say in every situation? That you will never yell, feel frustrated or lose your cool when you find your little one climbing up and sliding down the back of the car roof while your other little one is drawing on the car windows with permanent marker?
Although your child's tears are fake, the feelings that underlie these fake tears are real. Your child obviously wants or needs the comfort that would come with really crying, so he is doing something pretty smart and adaptive for a child: trying to act in a way that generally leads to comfort.
I worry that all of this kindergarten discipline, along with the developmentally inappropriate expectations, curriculum, and homework of today's kindergarten experience, will squash the creativity, compassion, love of learning, and spirit of a special little boy.
If your boys are playing together and your nephew gets frustrated with your son, help him feel sad.
When we really drill down into what sharing is and what it isn't and what it means to share, we might find ourselves misaligned, misinformed or simply mistaken. So here are seven thoughts to provoke your stance on sharing and whether or not sharing truly equals caring.
The next time your anxious child makes a mistake, take a deep breath, encourage your child to do the same, and by talking it through, give your child the gift of seeing that there is life on the other side of this moment.
I want my children to be sorry, not just say it. I want them to know why they are sorry, and to leave the situation with a plan to avoid repeating it. That is why I changed the apology process at our house. This is what it looks like now.
My 4 1/2-year-old son is a sweet boy, but he seems to lose his ability to listen or calm down whenever he is deep in play with his friends.
You know that skittish, trapped feeling you get when your children are uncooperative and you're running late? That's certainly worthy of our attention. Recognizing our emotional state requires that we tune in and notice.
"We're supposed to be sharing with the rest of the group a resolution we haven't kept," I'm told. "Do you have one?" Oh, I do. I have an embarrassment of choices. I blurt out, "I vowed I'd write a regular blog, and I haven't honored it."
No one will push our buttons like our children. But seen another way, no one provides us with such rich opportunities to heal the tender and wounded parts of ourselves like our kids, either.
Grant me patience, Lord, but hurry. I recited these words like a mantra on our recent snow day, the second school cancellation in a week. Blindsided by the blizzard, everyone trapped at home again, I steeled myself for the hours ahead.
While there are more problems than ever, there are also more solutions. Technology now allows for worldwide collaboration and revolutionary impact with almost no barriers. So get busy. Find a problem that matters to you and become the change agent you were meant to be.