Always speak from the position of 'I.' Avoid the use of 'you' when you are dealing with sensitive issues. As soon as you start with 'you,' the other person will disengage from active listening and get defensive.
Imagine how you would feel if the amount of child support you pay to your ex-spouse increases by virtue of the fact that they later marry someone who earns enough income to place them into a higher income tax bracket.
They don't tell you that you can feel broken and feel completely whole: simultaneously. They don't tell you that you are a package of contradictions. There will be moments of great strength, then moments of heaving sorrow. But you get to rediscover parts of yourself.
At some point (and only you can decide when), it's time to make new traditions and enjoy the holidays with and without your kids.
What I found out was that a new group of modern seniors is coming up and they are no longer willing to compromise themselves in their current relationship.
Wondering what is best for your kids and navigating the optimal way to get them through the transition might feel like a constant struggle.
Here are the five things that I believe would drive any divorced man or woman absolutely crazy.
Divorce is your time to become a master of change and emotional intelligence for your children. You may be hurt, but you are still wearing the cape of parenthood. You can continue to be the superhero by making your pain and recovery teachable moments for your children.
One of many reasons couples decide to soldier through the months of November and December is often an emotional one: they don't want to spoil the holiday season for their families.
As you can see, decisions rendered in court are not based on all of the evidence -- just all of the legally admissible evidence
The holidays have a special magic that no one wants to disturb. Divorce conversations are intentionally avoided, because who wants to mar this season with bad memories? Trust me: you can make it through this holiday.
Holidays are stressful in general. And so is divorce. Combining them can be the final straw that pushes some people into depression. If this is your holiday experience, get the support you need to make it through but don't be too alarmed. It's par for the course and next year's holiday season will be much easier.
When you have an ex who is not equally committed to doing what's best for your children, don't expect yourself to make up for that. It's simply a loss that you're not responsible for. Do your best, but don't expect perfection from yourself.
You can prevent future endings by being extremely thoughtful about who you choose to marry.
Acknowledge the fear, take control of it, control the negative chatter in your mind, have confidence in yourself, see these changes as growth and stepping stones to a future of promise and view your life with anticipation, not apprehension, and you will become powerful over your fears of divorce.
If you skim my Facebook page, with its sunny messages and abundant photos, you would probably think my life is a whirlwind of lectures, concerts, trips and museum visits. But while I have watched Beyoncé rock the Barclay Center and climbed to the top of Penobscot Mountain, Facebook doesn't tell the whole story, or even the most important part of my story.