It wasn't love at first sight and I didn't get married young. After years of average dates, hot hookups, and bad breakups, I'd actually found The One. Our love grew out of a deep friendship, which I believed was the secret to a lasting marriage.
What struck me as I read through these essays was how often the women were left behind by their sisters without a warning. Frustration rather than closure played a large role in many of the stories, and the authors were subsequently expected to puzzle out what went wrong.
It's not that you stop missing them all together. It's not that you don't ever long for the sound of their laugh. It's not that you forget what it felt like to love them. It's just that you remember what it feels like to love yourself.
The bottom line is that you can't control any aspect of a relationship except what you put into it -- and what you are willing to accept from it. My friend wants to know why things went down the way they did, but she may never find out.
What makes this trend really sad is another kid is not going to make any marriage better. You don't get closer by having another child. You get closer by working on the issues between the two of you. Another child is going to cause more stress, and cost more money.
It's very hard to feel positive about dating if you're burned out. You don't have to deny that you're having a hard time. In fact, it's helpful to validate your own emotional experience, rather than beat yourself up for feeling down.
A breakup can be heart-wrenching for the one who is dumped, and liberating for the one who did the dumping. For the dumped, there are things that one should do and some things that one shouldn't do post-breakup.
My 18-year-old daughter is going through a really rough time these days and my heart is just breaking for her. I do not know how to fix her troubles but I did share with her these traditional ways of dealing with a crisis situation.
Rule 4: Have Somewhere to Be. It feels good having somewhere to go. You don't have to be specific, you just need to have somewhere to go. If you don't have anywhere to go, don't make up something too far-fetched, like escorting a movie star to an awards ceremony.
You'd think within a world that gives us genius little smartphones and turn-by-turn navigation we'd have created some sort of community for the ones who just need to hear these words after their heart is gouged out, "Hey, you're here. You've arrived. Don't be ashamed. You're not alone, toots."