If you have something to say...
Say it on the Huffington Post
If you have something to say...
Say it on the Huffington Post
The common signs of infidelity that we are all taught -- disconnection, lack of sex, change in hours and secretive behavior -- act as a distraction from the underlying issues that can destroy a relationship. It keeps you looking outside the union for threats when your gaze should really be turned inward. When you don't believe that it can happen to you, you will not see it coming.
It all started at Ron Mercer's retirement party. I had been sitting on a barstool at the Rosewood Inn with Mary, my best friend and co-worker, watchin...
One morning I awake to a friend's text message: "You're going to flip shit when you check your newsfeed." I immediately know what to expect, and my suspicions are instantly confirmed. I always knew this day would come. Matt and Liz are engaged.
What is cheating? In my over 40 years of practicing family law, I have seen just about every reason under the sun for a divorce.
You've made a terrible mistake. You got caught up in a flirtation that led to an affair. It felt so good at the time and it all happened so quickly.
Are you on the fence about leaving a cheater? Is this not their first rodeo? Here are some common traps that keep you stuck with a cheater and prevent you from moving on.
Your friend calls you in the middle of the night, crying. She sniffles and barely manages to say, "He did it again. He cheated!"
Although many people believe the elimination of the blame game helps alleviate the emotional and financial expense of divorce, there are many others who believe the judicial system isn't fair because they never got to tell the "real" story.
When betrayal occurs in relationships that we depend on for our physical and psychological survival, we often just don't see it. It's not stupidity. It's human nature.
We need to stop excusing infidelity. Let's begin by putting the responsibility for cheating back where it belongs -- on cheaters.
Affairs are usually not the "disease" that infects marriages or love relationships, but a symptom of bigger issues that loom under the surface. For me, the key word here is "usually."
I have forgiven. I forgave him, and I didn't even realize it. Oh how I fought it. Tooth and nail, I did. I looked like a dog being dragged into the veterinarian's office, probably. Claws dug into the floor, neck straining against the pull of the leash.
Whether they work forever or not, open marriages seem to be a lot more honest than many marriages in which one or both of the spouses are cheating.
Who would I be without him defining who I was? How could I keep a marriage going that no longer had trust, no longer had commitment, and no longer had love?
You can argue that people reconcile out of fear, or crappy financial consequences, or keeping it together for the kids. But I also think mixed up in there is compassion -- a great big heart that is trying very hard to love someone who has grievously hurt them.
