On the outside, my life at 35 looked great -- a promising career, a doting partner, an elegant home, things, vacations, a big engagement ring, money in the bank.There was just one problem: I wasn't happy.
While I'm aware that keeping a certain amount of privacy is crucial to maintaining some mystery and longing, relationships fare best when people err on the side of transparency.
"I'm tired of a being a wife," my friend Leanne said over our first glass of Pinot Grigio as the band started to play. "I'm tired of being a mother. I need a break!" I knew exactly what she meant.
Let's face it, people get very competitive about their orgasms, as if they were climbing Mount Everest. Did you summit? Or did you only make it to base camp? Did you need an oxygen tank? Grappling hooks? A sherpa?
Very soon, our daughter will be married. In my life, I have attended only a handful of weddings where I was certain it would last. This will be one of them. And yet, since we reached the halfway point in the planning, I've found myself wishing to offer some parting gift of wisdom.
As we finish finals and return our rented textbooks, we not only check-in to summer mode, but also enter the most dangerous period for romantic relationships. Now is the time when things either get serious or fall apart.
I always knew that after I had finished up a good romp in the hay with my husband, I glowed. The increased blood flow, the exertion, the release of endorphins. But what I didn't know was that having sex was helping me stave off the effects of aging.
I cry when I remember that one morning when he took his right hand in my left, and his left around my waist, and slow danced in my kitchen to silence after I'd just spent several minutes raging over an angry email from my ex. Now, all I can think about is how those rough hands softened me time and time again.
It's an interesting experience, this being the partner with lower desire in a long-term relationship. In my case, the way this played out over two decades is that I fell into a routine of only having sex with my husband when he initiated.
We're missing out one of intimacy's basic building blocks -- one that has so many physical and emotional benefits.
When we said our wedding vows or made our commitments to our partners we never imagined that one day we'd be facing separation and divorce. We never imagined having to date again. That was my experience anyway. Yet, after the ending of a 20-year marriage, I picked up the pieces again.
Sure, I got the basic/old fashioned advice, but not the things I really wanted and needed to know... not the things I ended up having to learn the hard way over years of trial, error, bad marriages and even worse divorces. Would I have made different choices and had better luck in love if I had known more about love?
It's funny to think back on the early days of my relationship with John and realize how important sex was to us both then. It's hard to imagine that was even us. Today, we haven't had sex since early 2008.
Bystanders often ask the obvious question: If they knew they shouldn't, and they wished they hadn't, then why did they?
If you want something you need to go out and get it, and for me dating is the same as anything else. I love my life, and have lots going on, but would like to share it with someone, and so I'm a prolific dater. However, I'm still looking, and have heard every explanation under the sun.
Boys, the belly has to go -- that's what she said, not me. I don't know what it's like in the rest of the country, but here in New York City, women (especially of the executive class) are demanding that guys get in shape -- I mean real true flat belly, rippling arms, kick ass form -- as they should.