You can learn quite a bit about someone while you're dating. Foods they like, favorite activities, sexuality, intellect, family ties, openness, integrity, and a myriad of other qualities. But there's a particularly telling aspect of a relationship that's not obvious and it's a reliable predictor of its future.
By the end of my marriage, I dreaded getting into bed with my husband and our twin companions: Despair and Revulsion. I didn't realize just how oppressive bedtime had become until my first night settling into my sheets alone in my new apartment. I suddenly felt decades younger, ecstatically light and free.
I think I genuinely lasted an entire week without logging on to any of the sites. But one night, I'd had a crappy day at work and couldn't sleep. I lay in bed, thoughts racing through my head. Just a little Tinder wouldn't hurt. My phone beckoned -- no implored -- me to pick it up and swipe. So I did.
There are certain rules in our dating culture that even though never formally stated, still somehow become ingrained within us all. To spare you the pain of making the same mistake that I recently did... added to this tacit list of romantic do's and don't's should be another decree. Thou shalt never meet a gym crush.
While there's a certain romance in the idea that each person has a single ideal soulmate out there just waiting to be found, I don't think that's accurate. A more realistic approach is to understand that there are five, or 50, or 500 really good fits out there -- not perfect, mind you, but really good -- and you only need to find one of them.