You will be doing a service to both yourselves and your partners in dialogue if you share the conversation. Your relationships will likely improve in quality and last longer if you tweak your communication skills.
The bodies we are born into are no accident. Who we are is a gift.
Long term relationships: The goal isn't just to stay together forever; you want the years together to be good ones. With anything that unfolds over time, it's easy to get caught up in the day-to-day and not notice that something is slowly deteriorating right before your very eyes.
More than, "Do we have enough in common?" or "Can he finish my sentences?" I think the important question is: "Am I open and willing to work towards finding the gifts in our similarities and differences?"
I know in time, things will feel better. It really does help heal. I still have some really sad days. I have some incredibly happy days, too. On a lot of days, I feel both. But still I grieve... which for now, is exactly what I need to do.
You stop being the person who something was done to. You start creating a life you love, piece by piece, and it's authentic and genuine and fortified with the strength of your experience and sheer will to transcend bitterness and disappointment -- to step into the world fully.
In the realm of simplistic nonsense, few ideas are more insidious than the claim that you don't need money if you just, well, love each other a whole lot. This sentiment ignores the overwhelming financial stresses that clobber poor people every day.
Giving up my name felt akin to giving up a room of my own, something Virginia Woolf had taught me not to do. But my sense of tradition and my need to please turned on Virginia Woolf that day. I walked out as Nell Kathleen Gibbon.
Three decades after high school, I woke up to a Facebook message from the guy I spent my entire sophomore year pining over. To summarize, it said, "You were hot. I was an idiot. I missed my chance and late at night when I drink too much, I still think of you." Oh. My. God.
During these last five weeks, I ebbed and flowed between feeling excited, happy, and positive to dark, heavy, and morbid. I didn't trust the process or my body. What if things changed for the worst? What if the universe was just playing a trick on me?
Many friendships between men and women are punctuated by attraction which is never acted on, but keeps the relationship exciting and alive. In the end, though, it isn't just about that energy and flirtation, it is more about knowing each other well and having each other's backs.
Unfortunately, I know a thing or two about divorce. My parents divorced when I was in my twenties, and my first marriage ended in divorce after 13 years. Even my closest friends all have parents who are divorced.
In 1965, Lesley Ann Warren co-starred with Stuart Damon in the made-for-television version of Cinderella. I was 9 and I was enthralled. It didn't matter that we didn't have a color television and I was watching the images in black and white. All that mattered was the magic of the story.
As a person who is in a marriage that is sometimes open and sometimes closed, I feel varying degrees of compersion: the revered polyamorous principle describing the ability to derive pleasure (instead of jealousy) out of the fact that your beloved is getting it on with someone else.
Demolishers of cities and civilizations, slaughterers of heroes' fathers/mothers/lovers, terrorizers of little girls with fluffy kittens; villains are...
Play is more a state of mind than an activity. Play creates options; it is the opposite of the highly planned, organized and goal-oriented existence we had built for ourselves. For us, play has become a way to learn to hold even our most entrenched opinions lightly and create awareness of new options.