My husband and I had our 17th wedding anniversary this year and I am thrilled that this marriage did not tank like the first two did. I don't know if I got better at marriage or just tired. I have learned a few things from my multiple marriages, and I would like to impart this wisdom to you.
We spend time every day in the company of others, but without explicit communication. Our lives unfold socially but silently, but even in the silence, good experiences get better and bad experiences get worse.
I believe that having hard conversations is hard because we haven't put ignorance in its proper place. Ignorance has become synonymous with choice and that's not always true. If I can't ask an ignorant question, how will I become enlightened to the truth?
Money is one of the top causes of divorce in this nation. Couples who face financial problems together will survive them and come out stronger in the end. Don't let the stupid stuff bog you down and ruin your marriage.
I'm prepared to throw a large majority of men under the bus here, although not Clint Eastwood or my grandfather. So there are of course exceptions.
Your spouse is not the same person now as when you met, and neither are you. Yes, there can be sadness in change, the loss of what was. On the other hand, some changes will be welcome.
Couples often assume that fighting and conflict are inevitable -- "normal," even, to be tolerated and managed, at best. They may not recognize that their diminished sexual and romantic life is interwoven with how and why they conflict as they do in their relationship overall.
Take care of yourself as a parent. Your kids are watching you. They need to see that life is worth living as an adult. It's hard for kids to be happy when their parents are sad.
At every wedding, you'll find the drunk uncle, the weeping sorority sister, the people who are only there for the food, the girl who really thinks she can dance and the girls who actually can't dance, but they can JUMP! A LOT!
Relatives peppered me with questions about when we'd finally full-on commit. The truth is, for a long time, I was in no hurry. We already shared an apartment, a dog, a bank account. How much different could marriage be?
Whether it's the first time their children are leaving, or time for them to return to a dorm room or off-campus apartment, the homes of these parents will suddenly be empty of stuff, of people, of noise, of activity. For some there's a sense of relief, while for others this is a heartbreaking and sad time.
Finding love is like shedding skin. We can't begin to embrace the new opportunities if we haven't completed the process of shedding those old habits. No one can do it for us -- we just have to do the work on our own and let things go when we're ready.
Relationships are by far our greatest teachers. When we are in love with someone we always have the hope this person could be the one that we spend our lives with. The greatest thing about each relationship we have is it serves as mirror for where we need to grow.
The stresses and strains of life such as career, raising kids and growing older, can deplete us -- or at the very least, distract us from the goal of sustaining an intimate, dynamic connection with our life partner.
If you do not want to be in the relationship without either oral sex or more sex or better sex or whatever, be direct. Do not be passive aggressive, stay in the relationship and be bitter and resentful, or, worst, be unfaithful.
Witnessing their parents tend to one another's needs every once in a while just might instill some patience and compassion. I don't see how that is selfish. In fact, it sounds like pretty stellar parenting to me.